What if the database itself contained all business logic? (but no plumbing) Every table has a function that is the only function that can write/insert into tha

What if the database itself contained all business logic? (but no plumbing) Every table has a function that is the only function that can write/insert into that table. The functions themselves are just records in a specific table, which the database schedules to run based on global access activity (it prefers to prioritize functions that consume more records than they produce, to keep space tight).