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"I know that I'm a complete failure in life." Why do you say this? Because you aren't living the life of others? Because for whatever reasons you chose to prog

"I know that I'm a complete failure in life." Why do you say this? Because you aren't living the life of others? Because for whatever reasons you chose to program and do math instead of socialising and building social skills and friendship/relationships? Maybe you are being too hard on yourself? After all you don't know what you don't know and even if you knew the decisions you made were going to result in this much suffering you never would have chose them to begin with. The only thing you lack by the sounds of things is wisdom and perspective but you had to get to this point in order to have a genuine thirst and appreciation for them. You are in the eye of the storm and it hurts. It feels like it will never end but it will. Let it pass like a thunderstorm. Brighter days are ahead. If you want more practical ideas look at my bio. You may feel lonely but you are not alone :)

rejectedandsad 5y ago
Here's my problem - I know there are lots of people having the time of their lives like the people OP is seeing on Tinder, except they also better at programming and doing math than me because they just seem inherently better. Basically everyone at Stanford and MIT is having fun and still making more than me - it feels like all of my hard work has been for nothing, and that at 25 I'll never even have a fraction of the life experience even 19 year olds in college have.
- throwaway38282 5y ago
  I went to Stanford, did not have the time of my life, and spent much of my 20s feeling adrift and envious of my (seemingly) more professionally and socially successful peers. Now that I’m in my 30s one of my main regrets is that I wasted so much time feeing sorry for myself and comparing myself to other people instead of just, like, _doing stuff_. You can start experiencing life right now. Go to some new places (even just in your local area), try out some random hobbies, read a book on a random subject you’ve assumed you have no interest in. Try to meet some people who don’t work in the tech industry. Have some compassion for yourself and recognize that almost everyone is struggling with something, and that it takes time to figure out what you value and enjoy and derive meaning from in life.
- CTDOCodebases 5y ago
  Why compare yourself to others? You are living your life not theirs. You dont like your life? Change it. Investigate how much of your reality is a construct of your own mind. Why is being better than everyone else at math and programming so important for you? Why is it so important that you earn more than others? Why does it upset you that others are having the time of their lives?
  - rejectedandsad 5y ago
    > You dont like your life? Change it. What can I do? I can't become more attractive like they are, most of that is genes. I'm already behind because I'm not white and under 6 foot. I can't become more intelligent because that's also mostly set in stone at this point. > Why is it so important that you earn more than others? I want to earn a number that won't make people pity me or think I'm subhuman like they do now. > Why does it upset you that others are having the time of their lives? Because i'll never have that. It's the never that upsets me, quite a bit.
    - CTDOCodebases 5y ago
      Learned helplessness is real [0]. There are some assumptions baked into your view of reality. Lets explore them.. - Attractiveness is limited only to what a persons face looks like, the color of their skin and their height. - Intelligence is limited to being good at math and coding. - Earning a lot of money is the only way to get the respect of others. The opinion of others towards an individual matters even though they dont know the individuals circumstances. - Not having a particular experience other people are having right now means I will never get to have this experience (or better) at any stage in my life no matter how old I live to. Test these assumptions and why you feel this way to begin with. If you lack creativity in how to do this follow the suggestions of others or just randomly try different things. [0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Learned_helplessness https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Learned_helplessness

rejectedandsad 5y ago

Here's my problem - I know there are lots of people having the time of their lives like the people OP is seeing on Tinder, except they also better at programming and doing math than me because they just seem inherently better. Basically everyone at Stanford and MIT is having fun and still making more than me - it feels like all of my hard work has been for nothing, and that at 25 I'll never even have a fraction of the life experience even 19 year olds in college have.

throwaway38282 5y ago
I went to Stanford, did not have the time of my life, and spent much of my 20s feeling adrift and envious of my (seemingly) more professionally and socially successful peers. Now that I’m in my 30s one of my main regrets is that I wasted so much time feeing sorry for myself and comparing myself to other people instead of just, like, _doing stuff_. You can start experiencing life right now. Go to some new places (even just in your local area), try out some random hobbies, read a book on a random subject you’ve assumed you have no interest in. Try to meet some people who don’t work in the tech industry. Have some compassion for yourself and recognize that almost everyone is struggling with something, and that it takes time to figure out what you value and enjoy and derive meaning from in life.
CTDOCodebases 5y ago
Why compare yourself to others? You are living your life not theirs. You dont like your life? Change it. Investigate how much of your reality is a construct of your own mind. Why is being better than everyone else at math and programming so important for you? Why is it so important that you earn more than others? Why does it upset you that others are having the time of their lives?
- rejectedandsad 5y ago
  > You dont like your life? Change it. What can I do? I can't become more attractive like they are, most of that is genes. I'm already behind because I'm not white and under 6 foot. I can't become more intelligent because that's also mostly set in stone at this point. > Why is it so important that you earn more than others? I want to earn a number that won't make people pity me or think I'm subhuman like they do now. > Why does it upset you that others are having the time of their lives? Because i'll never have that. It's the never that upsets me, quite a bit.
  - CTDOCodebases 5y ago
    Learned helplessness is real [0]. There are some assumptions baked into your view of reality. Lets explore them.. - Attractiveness is limited only to what a persons face looks like, the color of their skin and their height. - Intelligence is limited to being good at math and coding. - Earning a lot of money is the only way to get the respect of others. The opinion of others towards an individual matters even though they dont know the individuals circumstances. - Not having a particular experience other people are having right now means I will never get to have this experience (or better) at any stage in my life no matter how old I live to. Test these assumptions and why you feel this way to begin with. If you lack creativity in how to do this follow the suggestions of others or just randomly try different things. [0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Learned_helplessness https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Learned_helplessness