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Ask HN: What do you wish you did/ didn't do in your 20s?

• softwaredoug 5y ago
  Answering this question to me is like asking “if you could have different parents, who would you choose?” I recently turned 40. I realized I was not the same person I was at 20. But because of who I was at 20, and the decisions I made, I created who I am now. Just like you might wish your parents were different people, not abusive, or didn’t have certain behaviors. Or maybe wish your mom had met another person. But then you wouldn’t be you? So there is not a current “me” that I feel can really answer these kind of questions IMO
  • beforeolives 5y ago
    This thinking only holds if you feel positively about who you currently are and your place in life right now. If you don't, then these "what if" questions can be a lot more appealing.
• subject4056 5y ago
  Beware survivor bias here. No-one regrets what they did well, but misses what they gave up to do well. A very viable route is to spend the next 5 years maximizing your money and career. At 28 it is unlikely you'll regret options. (On that note, if you come from money, taking risks is the way to maximize your options). I don't know if you have people (to talk to, rely upon, etc.). Most humans need to have people, if you don't have them then you should find some. In my experience this requires low level engagement over a long period of time, so there's no reason not to start early.
• mod 5y ago
  For reference, I'm 37 now. First, I wish I didn't take my health for granted. When I was 24 I gained about 40lbs. I had previously been very active, and I quit participating in some physical hobbies that kept me thin & fit. Without paying it much attention, I gained those 40lbs and on and off have struggled with weight throughout my 30s. Second, I wish I had also put a lot of thought into assets vs liabilities and focused on owning assets. It's a much better use of your money, and the time you spent earning that money. I "accidentally" purchased an asset (a bar) when I was 26, so I got lucky here, but I could have done much better. Third, I wish I had been a better partner to some people I dated. I'm good in a lot of ways: I don't lie, cheat, call names, etc. But I'm stingy with my time. I've always been a loner, and it takes a lot of effort for me to act differently. But I believe it could have been worth it. Fourth, and this isn't for everyone: I wish I had enlisted. I was fresh out of high school when 9/11 happened, and I've always regretted not enlisting. But the military and the activities they're involved with are very interesting to me. Overall, it's hard to screw it up too badly, especially if you're asking questions like this one. Optimize for health and financial health and you will potentially save yourself much of the drama and suffering life can bring. Good luck!
  • tomcam 5y ago
    A beautiful comment showing a special kind of introspection and humility. Would you contact me through my profile? Hard to find fellow business owners with your perspective.
  • Jaxtek 5y ago
    Thank you! +1 for Health
    • deleted 5y ago
      [deleted]
  • Dracophoenix 5y ago
    >>Third, I wish I had been a better partner to some people I dated. I'm good in a lot of ways: I don't lie, cheat, call names, etc. But I'm stingy with my time. I've always been a loner, and it takes a lot of effort for me to act differently. But I believe it could have been worth it. What experiences made you think that being stingy with your time was a bad thing? There's no assurance that more time spent for the sake of your relationships(s) would, on its own, have prolonged or made your any relationships better (i.e sunken cost fallacy).
    • mod 5y ago
      Most of my relationship-stress has been about "attention." The women I've dated all wanted more of it. I've dated three women seriously/long-term, and all three complained of it. Two ended the relationship over it. One of those women I was madly in love with. I still agree there is no assurance that it would have made the relationships last any longer; however, I'd feel better about my role in those relationships, if nothing else. To me, sharing your time with others is one important metric for a life well-lived. I'd just like to be a better human, and I think this is one way I can work on it.
  • partisan 5y ago
    You are me, almost down to the word, but I am 41 now. At 38, I decided to pay for a trainer for a year and a half. At 40, just before pandemic, I was in the best shape of my life. Unfortunately, I let the stresses of pandemic and end of a marriage derail me, but I am remotivated to get back on track now. I agree that health and relationships are the most important things in retrospect, but I think you can still get to where you want. There is time yet.
• celticninja 5y ago
  I regret nothing, even bad things that happened were lessons. And without those lessons, good and bad I would not be where I am now. Of course if I was in a bad place now perhaps I would have regrets. There are things I wish I did, but if I had done them my life may have been very different. I think once you have children it is hard to regret anything because that would have changed who they were entirely, either by having a different partner or a different egg/sperm. The one thing I am glad I did was travel and work around the world for 3 years. I learnt more about life during that time than any other education or work could have given me.
  • Jaxtek 5y ago
    I agree with you. I was only asking to learn about "common mistakes in 20s"
    • celticninja 5y ago
      Focussing on work and wealth.
• runjake 5y ago
  Almost 50 now. I wish I would’ve developed a more consistent exercise routine. It is easier to stay in shape than it is to get into shape. I wish I would’ve invested much more than I did in index funds. I wish I would’ve gotten over my materialism earlier in life. I never needed the latest phone or computer. Or the nicest monitor. I wish I would’ve taken more risks. That said, I ended up with a great life anyway.
  • muzani 5y ago
    Interesting you said index funds. Many would say crypto or certain stocks (Nvidia etc). What makes you say index funds are the best deal?
    • long_time_gone 5y ago
      Because they have shown the best risk-adjusted returns over long periods of time. Cryptos are pure speculation and individual stocks have high variability.
    • runjake 5y ago
      I was going off of more actionable wishes and avoiding the whole “I would’ve bought more AAPL/crypto” specifics. That is obvious now and does not help people now.
• celticninja 5y ago
  A lot of people saying maximize wealth early. I did not do that. After university I worked a lot of low(ish) paid jobs and lived cheaply to save money to travel.I traveled and worked around the world for 3 years with my girlfriend (now wife). When we came home we were very much behind many of our friends who had started careers right out of university, but 20 years later there is very little difference in where we are. And in some respects we are better off. Once you start on your career there is little opportunity to take a long break and once you are married and having kids there is no opportunity. My brother took a break and travelled without working, but that was for only 4 months. A very different experience and was more of an extended holiday than anything else. The next time the opportunity to travel arises is post kids and probably in retirement if you are lucky. So you might start your career earlier but you Will never have the freedom and opportunities that you have as a young man/woman. You can sell your time for money but you can't buy it back. One thing I agree with about others is exercise, just do it, make it routine. It will pay you back tenfold in years to come
  • Jaxtek 5y ago
    > Once you start on your career there is little opportunity to take a long break and once you are married and having kids there is no opportunity This. I am gonna have as much fun as possible before getting married
• fiftyacorn 5y ago
  Move to a high salary area and bank as much as you can, before moving on. It will set you up for life
  • Jaxtek 5y ago
    Save up the salary before moving on? What do you mean by "set you up for life"? Financially?
• temp234 5y ago
  Really glad I found a few all-ages communities and deep interests outside of my university friends and tech job. Really glad I stayed in good shape. Maffetone, heart rate monitor, nutrition. Really glad I kept eating omelettes when I could afford champagne. Fitting in isn't cool anymore, now boundaries and niches are cool. Everything I regret is related to not getting that sooner.
  • mod 5y ago
    > Really glad I found a few all-ages communities This made me aware of something I'm very grateful for: I've always gotten along very well with older people. I think it's been a great advantage for me. I've been able to pick their brains, if nothing else. Their wisdom becomes distilled over time and is uncannily similar across diverse origins. I was also lucky to have people who were outstanding examples of something: educators, musicians, mechanics, homesteaders, etc--that all had a lifetime of wisdom to share about those topics. And additionally were truly some of the best people I've met. Make friends with old people! For both your sakes!
• p0d 5y ago
  The HN community mindset seems to be job, sideline, own company. I think what I have understood as I got older is that being an employee can have it's advantages. So ask yourself tough questions if you decide to do your own thing. You will also find yourself feeling a little less ambitious in another 23 years time. Relationships will become more important. Don't lose friends in your 20/30s you will need later in life. Finally, as well as the who you often look back at the wheres of your life. Travel, go on holidays, and visit other parts of the world.
• muzani 5y ago
  Life's too short for bullshit. You know when you see it. Bad jobs that won't go anywhere. A relationship or commitment that your heart isn't into. Once you identify it, get out ASAP. Find something that is exhausting but you'd rather not do anything else. For me, my sweet spot is in business growth, startups, user flow, modeling the real world into data, training (which melded well with working with NLP/AI). It involves software a lot, especially being able to build things, but there's a lot of jobs that pay well but would be ultimately unfulfilling for me. Yours is probably different. Some people call it passion, but the misconception is you won't be entirely passionate or dispassionate about a whole field. Rather there will be patches of interest that you hook on, like a mountain climber and handholds.
  • temp234 5y ago
    "Rather there will be patches of interest that you hook on, like a mountain climber and handholds." Really great way of describing it