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What you see on Tinder is the absolute best presentation of people's lives. Every single one of those people has problems in life that they are not showing in t

by D13Fd 5y ago

What you see on Tinder is the absolute best presentation of people's lives. Every single one of those people has problems in life that they are not showing in that forum. You cannot judge your entire, flawed life by comparing it to only the best portions of other people's lives. You are 23 and unmarried, presumably without chilren. That is very young and very free. That doesn't mean you don't have real problems, but it means you have lots of options to change. You can steer your life in any direction you want at this point. If you're not homeless or incarcerated, you're definitely not a "complete failure in life." You probably aren't lost, just listless. Satisfaction in life comes from picking a direction and pursuing it, whether it is a career, a family, an art, or something else. It can be hard to figure out what that is, because the options are overwhelming. I'd recommend putting your efforts towards figuring out what you want to do with your life, and then start down that path. Once you're making some progress and are in a better mental state, then tackle the online dating game (or maybe you'll happen to find someone along the way).

hamburglar 5y ago
Regarding tinder being the absolute best presentation of these people: let this lesson sink into you, and take note whenever you see the tiniest evidence of it. You already understand this on some level, because you’ve seen profiles where you click through the pictures and say to yourself “hot, hot, hot, hot, WHOAH you accidentally left a real pic in there”. Now keep in mind that this carefully-curated-to-the-point-of-lying info doesn’t just apply to their looks. It’s their profession, their hobbies, how happy they appear to be, the tone of voice they write in, etc. it’s all handcrafted marketing. I’ve met a lot of women from tinder and I can’t decide if this is a sad fact or encouraging to someone who doesn’t feel “good enough”, but you really can count on the profile to be a complete fiction in most cases. This is really useful though, if you can stop being impressed by the polished hotties and find the ones who are gems under the surface. Either that or ditch tinder altogether. I don’t use it anymore but I still think it’s really useful as a tool if your only goal is finding someone to have a conversation with over a drink, and the expectation that you will NOT be making some kind of “love connection” with this person but it will be a fun experience anyway. Once you get there, you magically transform from a sweaty nervous loser on a “first date” to an actual person that the woman you’re having a drink with actually has a chance of finding interesting and charming. That’s the best tinder advice I can give and I really wish someone had given it to me when I was 23.

by D13Fd 5y ago

hamburglar 5y ago

Regarding tinder being the absolute best presentation of these people: let this lesson sink into you, and take note whenever you see the tiniest evidence of it. You already understand this on some level, because you’ve seen profiles where you click through the pictures and say to yourself “hot, hot, hot, hot, WHOAH you accidentally left a real pic in there”. Now keep in mind that this carefully-curated-to-the-point-of-lying info doesn’t just apply to their looks. It’s their profession, their hobbies, how happy they appear to be, the tone of voice they write in, etc. it’s all handcrafted marketing. I’ve met a lot of women from tinder and I can’t decide if this is a sad fact or encouraging to someone who doesn’t feel “good enough”, but you really can count on the profile to be a complete fiction in most cases. This is really useful though, if you can stop being impressed by the polished hotties and find the ones who are gems under the surface. Either that or ditch tinder altogether. I don’t use it anymore but I still think it’s really useful as a tool if your only goal is finding someone to have a conversation with over a drink, and the expectation that you will NOT be making some kind of “love connection” with this person but it will be a fun experience anyway. Once you get there, you magically transform from a sweaty nervous loser on a “first date” to an actual person that the woman you’re having a drink with actually has a chance of finding interesting and charming. That’s the best tinder advice I can give and I really wish someone had given it to me when I was 23.