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What you may not realize is, some people literally don't know how to do that, or that it's even something anyone would ever do. If you dropped into an alien cul
by darkerside 5y ago
What you may not realize is, some people literally don't know how to do that, or that it's even something anyone would ever do. If you dropped into an alien culture, you'd need to learn a new raft of different signals all over again.
- wpietri 5y agoSure! Everybody's born not knowing how to do that. Or understanding most social signals. Some of us learn. As I said, people have all sorts of ways of dealing with the world.
- derefr 5y agoA lot of the bad in the world comes from leaving people unequipped of certain basic "soft skills". It's not the same thing as mental illness, but it has similar effects. And, for some reason, people become seemingly completely unwilling to learn-by-example any new-to-them soft skills, once they reach adulthood. Or perhaps "lifelong learning of soft skills" is itself a soft skill that people aren't being taught. ----- Anecdote: I was diagnosed/treated for ADHD as an adult, whereupon the "social soft skills" part of my brain suddenly started working like it never did through my childhood. I went from thinking I was on the autistic spectrum, to noticing all sorts of new patterns while observing social interactions. I quickly realized that my capacity for social-skill learning had never been missing; but rather, the learning itself had just sort of been "paused", for lack of "voltage" in the right brain areas. I did / am still doing a lot of delayed soft-skill learning as an adult. And it's really starkly obvious how much other people with me in the same situations, aren't deriving the same learning I do from those situations — even when those people are sorely lacking in the relevant social skill, but aren't otherwise socially unskilled. It seems like they just aren't bothering to look at the situation under the right "lens" to see the pattern, even though it's a "lens" they clearly possess.
- telchar 5y agoYou've piqued my interest. Do you mind sharing a few of the things you have observed and/or learned in this process?
- rmellow 5y agoHi, immigrant here. I'm literally an "alien" from/in this planet. Canadians are very nice, but their famous agreeableness (and passive-agressiveness) often prevents me from realizing when I've committed a transgression, and makes it so much harder to integrate into the culture. Negative feedback is very useful and I would be grateful to get it instead of receiving a veiled response.
- bawolff 5y agoAs a canadian, sorry about that ;)
- chrismeller 5y agoYou mean aboot that?
- watwut 5y agoWhen they blocked you, there was issue. When your messages get deleted or you are shadowbanned, there is issue. people give feedback online.