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You need to realize why the question was asked in the first place and how stuck he feels. Existential crises result from our belief in our ability to change con

You need to realize why the question was asked in the first place and how stuck he feels. Existential crises result from our belief in our ability to change confronted with our inability to do so. But I'm saying it's not that you suck at it or that you suck. It simply is the wrong approach. There is no you to suck in the first place. I'm not saying there is no you either. I'm saying, don't look at you that way. > You can't change others, you can influence them This is the error. Trying to change yourself is like trying to change your manager. All you can do is influence yourself, and you know this. You talk to yourself but you don't listen. Hence you struggle. We all do. That's because there are two you's within you. One that listens and speaks, and the other that wants to feel acknowledged and valued and changed. The latter is your ego. You are not your ego. You are the one that listens and speaks. You are the one that influences and feeds your ego. But you are not your ego. The moment you externalize your ego, it becomes just another problem you can solve, because we are great at solving external problems. > often easier than deep internal change Ya, so just forget about this deep part. It will solve itself if you get on with your life. Even you make this distinction between knowledge and skills and this deeper thing. Skills and knowledge and philosophy can all be thought of as external. Deliberatly internal change is always a deadend. Most of the time it's just your ego thanking you for feeding it. > Can you learn to use more positive self-talk (CBT)? Can you learn to get better at pausing between feeling an emotion and responding to that emotion to exercise self-regulation? Words with self- feed the ego. Instead, simply say: Think more positively. Take a moment before you act. If you self-ragulate, and fail to regulate, you're left wondering about self. If you fail to take a moment before you act, you're left just wondering why you failed to take a moment before you acted. The difference may be subtle but it's precisely how you avoid an existential crisis.

aristofun 5y ago
> If you self-ragulate, and fail to regulate, you're left wondering about self. If you fail to take a moment before you act, you're left just wondering why you failed to take a moment before you acted. The difference may be subtle but it's precisely how you avoid an existential crisis. Can you please elaborate on that "precisely ho you avoid an existential crisis"?
- popcornminute3 5y ago
  Absolutely. You can pickout from someone's words how embedded in "self" they are. The west has nurtured a selfish society; one that isn't just greedy, but that is obsessed with "self". We call it individualism, but also express the doctorine through all the words with the self- prefix, where self-actualization may be the most grandiose. But when we embody our "self" we embody our ego. When your ego is fulfilled you are fulfilled. When your ego is hurt you are hurt. When your ego is actualized you are actualized. And we become obsessed with self-this and self-that, with everything pointing inward. But this is your ego taking hold of you. You have no control. You end up trying to pursuade yourself to no avail. Except, there really is nothing inward. So as much as your ego is "there" you can never get to it or "fix" it. The ego itself is void. So when you begin to believe that when all else fails, there has to be something wrong with your "self" or that "you must change" or that the solution is "deep within you", you get sucked into that black hole and you implode. You may turn to drugs to feel better, but you're still stuck with your problem, which is you, in your head. But the moment you externalize your ego and embody your ego-less self, you gain freedom from self, and the freedom you need to begin solving your external problems, of which your ego just becomes one of them. When you tell yourself "I am hungry" who is listening? When you tell yourself "I should go eat" who is speaking? It takes at least two to have a conversation. The needy one is your ego. The other one is you. When people say "pat yourself on your back", they mean pat your ego. And it feels good to the extent that your ego gets the attention it craves. The one doing that patting is you. If you called this self-patting, now you have the template. Self-motivation is you trying to motivate your ego. Forget it. Remove your ego and ask yourself why you can't do something. You're probably tired, unamused, or just don't believe in it. Self-help is you trying to help your ego. Forget it. Remove your ego and just go ask for help if you need it. Etc, etc. Your ego is still there. He'll be there waiting and occasionally bugging you. But to be in control you cannot be him. And there is no changing you through him because there is no changing him because there are no parts to him. All the parts are with you. Like body parts, we have mental parts. We also have moods and states. He is just one of the many parts that makeup what others and you may perceive as you. But none of them are you; the one that lifts the hand to pat your ego on the back. That is the control you have.
  - 5y ago

aristofun 5y ago

> If you self-ragulate, and fail to regulate, you're left wondering about self. If you fail to take a moment before you act, you're left just wondering why you failed to take a moment before you acted. The difference may be subtle but it's precisely how you avoid an existential crisis. Can you please elaborate on that "precisely ho you avoid an existential crisis"?

popcornminute3 5y ago
Absolutely. You can pickout from someone's words how embedded in "self" they are. The west has nurtured a selfish society; one that isn't just greedy, but that is obsessed with "self". We call it individualism, but also express the doctorine through all the words with the self- prefix, where self-actualization may be the most grandiose. But when we embody our "self" we embody our ego. When your ego is fulfilled you are fulfilled. When your ego is hurt you are hurt. When your ego is actualized you are actualized. And we become obsessed with self-this and self-that, with everything pointing inward. But this is your ego taking hold of you. You have no control. You end up trying to pursuade yourself to no avail. Except, there really is nothing inward. So as much as your ego is "there" you can never get to it or "fix" it. The ego itself is void. So when you begin to believe that when all else fails, there has to be something wrong with your "self" or that "you must change" or that the solution is "deep within you", you get sucked into that black hole and you implode. You may turn to drugs to feel better, but you're still stuck with your problem, which is you, in your head. But the moment you externalize your ego and embody your ego-less self, you gain freedom from self, and the freedom you need to begin solving your external problems, of which your ego just becomes one of them. When you tell yourself "I am hungry" who is listening? When you tell yourself "I should go eat" who is speaking? It takes at least two to have a conversation. The needy one is your ego. The other one is you. When people say "pat yourself on your back", they mean pat your ego. And it feels good to the extent that your ego gets the attention it craves. The one doing that patting is you. If you called this self-patting, now you have the template. Self-motivation is you trying to motivate your ego. Forget it. Remove your ego and ask yourself why you can't do something. You're probably tired, unamused, or just don't believe in it. Self-help is you trying to help your ego. Forget it. Remove your ego and just go ask for help if you need it. Etc, etc. Your ego is still there. He'll be there waiting and occasionally bugging you. But to be in control you cannot be him. And there is no changing you through him because there is no changing him because there are no parts to him. All the parts are with you. Like body parts, we have mental parts. We also have moods and states. He is just one of the many parts that makeup what others and you may perceive as you. But none of them are you; the one that lifts the hand to pat your ego on the back. That is the control you have.
- 5y ago