I typed a lot. It has no conclusion or suggestion. Just leaving it here. high five buddy! Don't focus to get more work on your head. Try to find a spot in the

I typed a lot. It has no conclusion or suggestion. Just leaving it here. high five buddy! Don't focus to get more work on your head. Try to find a spot in the team where dependency on you will be less. Don't stress yourself. It will be hard, sleepless nights, panic attack in the morning If I wake up early, what I do, I oversleep and work in drowsiness. And then I open outlook, teams, meetings, panic attack starts. A clear head becomes a turbulent head and doesn't know what he is talking about. I know I'm above average, you are also above average. It's mostly people that disturbs the mind. What worked for me in the past - I wanted to get my life under my control. Moved nearby my office, setup a good routine, removed distractions, got into fitness, veggies, fruits, threw away mobile, I touch computer only at work. I stopped speaking or letting anyone to waste my time at office. I became a loner, but I was focussed. I got better, started a side project, never overdid anything and practiced meditation. My only goal was to keep mind occupied and do not loose thoughts. It worked pretty well. And everyday routine was boosting my energy levels up and up. but one day It got ruined. Family and relatives missed me so I started spending and sacrificing my interests for them. Mind went back to same old same old dancing head phones. I still miss and in fact I'm living in past and in my present reality I know for sure I'm really not present. I really have no clue how I'm even surviving work / life but I need to earn to provide for my mom and my sister. That's the only reason I have. But even that I'll forget. The only reason I spoke this much is that, I feel the same. I was good in my school, I liked math and science. College was a new world. It started fine but something went upside down. Then I was excited about work, for first 3-4 years it was exciting and fun, then interests and motivation went down. Throughout my life I used to find reasons why I have memory loss, why I cant pay any attention, trying to find out answers or cures, and most of the time I'll be lost in a cooked up reality believing in some non-sense that keeps me happy at that moment but serves no purpose to survive in the world. Recently I have started thinking that's how the world is. Friends moved on,