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I could probably best describe it as non-malicious unintentional callous disregard, coupled with a belief that I'd mostly figured everything out - and a deep-se

I could probably best describe it as non-malicious unintentional callous disregard, coupled with a belief that I'd mostly figured everything out - and a deep-seated need to always be "right" and "win". I had not yet learned that at the point where there is an argument, both people have already lost.

Dracophoenix 5y ago
>>I could probably best describe it as non-malicious unintentional callous disregard, coupled with a belief that I'd mostly figured everything out - and a deep-seated need to always be "right" and "win". Sounds like well-earned confidence with a bit self-possessiveness . But on the whole that's not unusual or something that should be frowned upon. >>I had not yet learned that at the point where there is an argument, both people have already lost. I used to think like that and all that resulted was having my concerns paid lip service to if not outright dismissed, being blamed when something didn't go someone's way despite not being given clear instruction, being guilted into keeping the peace at the expense of my sense of self, etc. Being useful meant becoming easy to take for granted. Anything less was regarded as "not doing my best", "defiance", "rebellion", and "causing trouble". Polite logical debate and asking the hard questions (when I eventually got to that stage) were met with evasion and scorn in addition to rampant hypocrisy and double standards. At the end of it all, arguing was the only way to truly know where I stand in the world and on what terms or, at the very least, led me to learn how to salvage myself and cut my losses (too late in my opinion, but better late than never). If I had been more willing to be upfront with my disregard for certain ideas, more willing to leverage "No" or "I don't care" without fear of reprisal (real or perceived), then I probably would have been in a better position to know in advance which arguments are worth it and which ones would be pointless time wasters. But I know first-hand that if you don't make yourself or your desired way of life a priority to be defended by whatever means you can muster, no one will. And you will suffer for it.
daybadone 5y ago
that's funny, I started where you are and as I have aged I have started to find myself unable to increasingly see people as just walking talking pieces of meat that I need to exploit to meet my own needs, or be left without.

Dracophoenix 5y ago

>>I could probably best describe it as non-malicious unintentional callous disregard, coupled with a belief that I'd mostly figured everything out - and a deep-seated need to always be "right" and "win". Sounds like well-earned confidence with a bit self-possessiveness . But on the whole that's not unusual or something that should be frowned upon. >>I had not yet learned that at the point where there is an argument, both people have already lost. I used to think like that and all that resulted was having my concerns paid lip service to if not outright dismissed, being blamed when something didn't go someone's way despite not being given clear instruction, being guilted into keeping the peace at the expense of my sense of self, etc. Being useful meant becoming easy to take for granted. Anything less was regarded as "not doing my best", "defiance", "rebellion", and "causing trouble". Polite logical debate and asking the hard questions (when I eventually got to that stage) were met with evasion and scorn in addition to rampant hypocrisy and double standards. At the end of it all, arguing was the only way to truly know where I stand in the world and on what terms or, at the very least, led me to learn how to salvage myself and cut my losses (too late in my opinion, but better late than never). If I had been more willing to be upfront with my disregard for certain ideas, more willing to leverage "No" or "I don't care" without fear of reprisal (real or perceived), then I probably would have been in a better position to know in advance which arguments are worth it and which ones would be pointless time wasters. But I know first-hand that if you don't make yourself or your desired way of life a priority to be defended by whatever means you can muster, no one will. And you will suffer for it.

daybadone 5y ago

that's funny, I started where you are and as I have aged I have started to find myself unable to increasingly see people as just walking talking pieces of meat that I need to exploit to meet my own needs, or be left without.