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A reminder that it's OK to not take sides and just support your friends. Maybe they did something bad, but we all make some serious errors in judgement. One of

A reminder that it's OK to not take sides and just support your friends. Maybe they did something bad, but we all make some serious errors in judgement. One of my friends was not cancelled but shunned by a lot of people. Not sure exactly why; it was probably a lot of minor stuff that added up. I just asked him straight: "did you do anything bad enough that I shouldn't be friends with you?". He said "no" and we moved on. Cancelling or shunning is usually not the right punishment even if someone does something pretty bad. Unless someone who is a cultural model (e.g. CEO), and just can't do their job any more, cancelling doesn't really solve a problem. It just makes people hypersensitive, politically-correct, and quiet. That's not a healthy environment.

lightgreen 5y ago
> A reminder that it's OK to not take sides and just support your friends. It is probably more complicated than that. Like if you know for sure that a friend of yours did something completely incompatible with your norms (for me that would be for example stealing money from poor old people), perhaps you don't want to have them as your friend anymore. But if there's doubt and uncertainty and pressure from the community, it's better to support your friends.
- chmod600 5y ago
  Isn't that kind of a ridiculous example? Most people in this forum would never have the desire to steal from poor old people. So if someone does, it's a really disturbing sign that goes beyond the crime itself. Of course you'd think twice about meeting that person for lunch. But sexual relationships are scarce (in the economic sense of the word "scarce") even among the well-to-do. Especially young adults, who have the greatest desire. So there's a lot more temptation. Furthermore, it's much harder to draw clear boundaries because of the complexities of flirting. Add in alcohol and poor communication, and there is a real risk that otherwise good people do some things that look pretty bad after the fact. Yes, people should behave. We should quickly put a stop to these transgressions before they escalate. And we should acknowledge that they may cause real harm to others and that some punishment may be warranted. I'm just saying that the friend you have that is accused of some bad stuff -- it's OK to not take sides. You don't have to defend them or anything, but it's OK to treat them like a normal human being. Because they probably are. But the software engineer that steals from poor old people is not a normal human, and it's totally reasonable to ghost them.

lightgreen 5y ago

> A reminder that it's OK to not take sides and just support your friends. It is probably more complicated than that. Like if you know for sure that a friend of yours did something completely incompatible with your norms (for me that would be for example stealing money from poor old people), perhaps you don't want to have them as your friend anymore. But if there's doubt and uncertainty and pressure from the community, it's better to support your friends.

chmod600 5y ago
Isn't that kind of a ridiculous example? Most people in this forum would never have the desire to steal from poor old people. So if someone does, it's a really disturbing sign that goes beyond the crime itself. Of course you'd think twice about meeting that person for lunch. But sexual relationships are scarce (in the economic sense of the word "scarce") even among the well-to-do. Especially young adults, who have the greatest desire. So there's a lot more temptation. Furthermore, it's much harder to draw clear boundaries because of the complexities of flirting. Add in alcohol and poor communication, and there is a real risk that otherwise good people do some things that look pretty bad after the fact. Yes, people should behave. We should quickly put a stop to these transgressions before they escalate. And we should acknowledge that they may cause real harm to others and that some punishment may be warranted. I'm just saying that the friend you have that is accused of some bad stuff -- it's OK to not take sides. You don't have to defend them or anything, but it's OK to treat them like a normal human being. Because they probably are. But the software engineer that steals from poor old people is not a normal human, and it's totally reasonable to ghost them.