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Maybe the author could consider an alternate title for his article. "I engaged in sexual misconduct with multiple women. This behavior may imply life long psyc

Maybe the author could consider an alternate title for his article. "I engaged in sexual misconduct with multiple women. This behavior may imply life long psychological consequence for them. Yes they are the victims but let's take a minute consider its made me feel." I think we all know the answer...who cares.

overgard 5y ago
Well so what's your point, this guy is irredeemable and should never be able to get his life back? At what point is the bloodlust sated and sufficient justice is served?
- SassyGrapefruit 5y ago
  Whether or not the author is "redeemable" is irrelevant. At its core sexual misconduct is prioritizing one's own needs/desires and using someone else as an object to achieve them. It's one of the highest acts of self centeredness and it happens at someone else's expense. I don't see how writing an article about how the author's sexual misconduct has impacted him isn't a continuation of the same problem mentality. It would seem that if he had a breakthrough then letting the victims have the stage is the way to go. I believe he has to accept that... 1. No one is obligated to forgive him. 2. No one asked for him to do what he did. 3. No one has to let by gones be by gones. 4. He doesn't necessarily get to make art anymore. At least not the same way he used to. I don't think that is what the author wants to hear, but its the only honorable path forward.
  - overgard 5y ago
    I didn't see this as asking for anything. The blog post is both instructional, ie here's what happens, and an explanation. I just don't see how this notion that a person should be punished forever is helpful to anyone. He's paid a hefty price why continue to pile on? Also just because he created victims doesn't mean he himself isn't also a victim. Do you really think he deserved death threats? Do you think it was ok that overzealous people (such as a lot of the people in this thread) thought it was ok to terrorize his wife as well? Many people convicted of actual felonies don't face consequences like this. This guy has been convicted of... nothing illegal apparently? For some reason on an individual level people are willing to forgive someone for their past transgressions, but as soon as it goes to a public forum everyone needs to talk about how this person should be vilified forever to signal what a great person they personally are. To twitter mobs, any transgression against a protected group is grounds for permanent ostracism, even if the transgression is pretty mild by societies standards. I don't think we should be encouraging mob justice. 1000/1000 times in human history mob justice has always gone way too far.
    - SassyGrapefruit 5y ago
      In the end it's about fairness. I think we all agree that the perpetrator shouldn't find respite before the victims. Unfortunately for the victims and the perpetrator that respite doesn't exist. He may regret what he did and he certainly deserves forgiveness, but forgiveness and consequences are two different things. He has my forgiveness and I hope the victims choose to forgive him as well. The consequences are likely a permanent feature of his life.
lightgreen 5y ago
> I engaged in sexual misconduct with multiple women The term misconduct is used usually in the work environment when one party is in a position of power, like a boss of another. This is not the case here. > This behavior may imply life long psychological consequence for them. Or may not. Or maybe refusal to engage with women could imply life long psychological consequence for them: women as well as men feel bad when they are rejected. Don't decide for women what's best for them. They are grown up adults and engage in these relationships voluntarily. > Yes they are the victims Victims are those who were assaulted against their will. My understanding that there was no violations like that in this story.
- SassyGrapefruit 5y ago
  >The term misconduct is used usually in the work environment when one party is in a position of power, like a boss of another. This is not the case here. Says the author >Don't decide for women what's best for them. They are grown up adults and engage in these relationships voluntarily. I'm not deciding what is best for anyone. I'm saying the author doesn't get to choose. > Victims are those who were assaulted against their will. My understanding that there was no violations like that in this story. Says the author. I encountered a situation similar to this a few years back. Large group of friends 20-30. Lots of partying. 5 different women report experiences with the same guy. Waking up with him in their beds. Sometimes more overt behaviors. His recollection is quite different. He remembers it as a much more innocent affair. A mistake. Something embarrassing. I don't believe him.

overgard 5y ago

Well so what's your point, this guy is irredeemable and should never be able to get his life back? At what point is the bloodlust sated and sufficient justice is served?

SassyGrapefruit 5y ago
Whether or not the author is "redeemable" is irrelevant. At its core sexual misconduct is prioritizing one's own needs/desires and using someone else as an object to achieve them. It's one of the highest acts of self centeredness and it happens at someone else's expense. I don't see how writing an article about how the author's sexual misconduct has impacted him isn't a continuation of the same problem mentality. It would seem that if he had a breakthrough then letting the victims have the stage is the way to go. I believe he has to accept that... 1. No one is obligated to forgive him. 2. No one asked for him to do what he did. 3. No one has to let by gones be by gones. 4. He doesn't necessarily get to make art anymore. At least not the same way he used to. I don't think that is what the author wants to hear, but its the only honorable path forward.
- overgard 5y ago
  I didn't see this as asking for anything. The blog post is both instructional, ie here's what happens, and an explanation. I just don't see how this notion that a person should be punished forever is helpful to anyone. He's paid a hefty price why continue to pile on? Also just because he created victims doesn't mean he himself isn't also a victim. Do you really think he deserved death threats? Do you think it was ok that overzealous people (such as a lot of the people in this thread) thought it was ok to terrorize his wife as well? Many people convicted of actual felonies don't face consequences like this. This guy has been convicted of... nothing illegal apparently? For some reason on an individual level people are willing to forgive someone for their past transgressions, but as soon as it goes to a public forum everyone needs to talk about how this person should be vilified forever to signal what a great person they personally are. To twitter mobs, any transgression against a protected group is grounds for permanent ostracism, even if the transgression is pretty mild by societies standards. I don't think we should be encouraging mob justice. 1000/1000 times in human history mob justice has always gone way too far.
  - SassyGrapefruit 5y ago
    In the end it's about fairness. I think we all agree that the perpetrator shouldn't find respite before the victims. Unfortunately for the victims and the perpetrator that respite doesn't exist. He may regret what he did and he certainly deserves forgiveness, but forgiveness and consequences are two different things. He has my forgiveness and I hope the victims choose to forgive him as well. The consequences are likely a permanent feature of his life.

lightgreen 5y ago

> I engaged in sexual misconduct with multiple women The term misconduct is used usually in the work environment when one party is in a position of power, like a boss of another. This is not the case here. > This behavior may imply life long psychological consequence for them. Or may not. Or maybe refusal to engage with women could imply life long psychological consequence for them: women as well as men feel bad when they are rejected. Don't decide for women what's best for them. They are grown up adults and engage in these relationships voluntarily. > Yes they are the victims Victims are those who were assaulted against their will. My understanding that there was no violations like that in this story.

SassyGrapefruit 5y ago
>The term misconduct is used usually in the work environment when one party is in a position of power, like a boss of another. This is not the case here. Says the author >Don't decide for women what's best for them. They are grown up adults and engage in these relationships voluntarily. I'm not deciding what is best for anyone. I'm saying the author doesn't get to choose. > Victims are those who were assaulted against their will. My understanding that there was no violations like that in this story. Says the author. I encountered a situation similar to this a few years back. Large group of friends 20-30. Lots of partying. 5 different women report experiences with the same guy. Waking up with him in their beds. Sometimes more overt behaviors. His recollection is quite different. He remembers it as a much more innocent affair. A mistake. Something embarrassing. I don't believe him.