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Thought that I could replace lower-than-average communication skills with higher-than-average technical skills. The story goes that software engineering is abo

Thought that I could replace lower-than-average communication skills with higher-than-average technical skills. The story goes that software engineering is about knowing how to design a system a build it. The truth is: you also have to know how to _sell_ your design, how to document your decisions, how to push forward with your agenda. You won't go anywhere without a team that values you. This means that interpersonal and communication skills should be valued much more than what I thought they'd had to be. The most important part of a person is their relationships (you're not convinced? Try this exercise: describe yourself without mentioning any single relationship or its effect on you. What remains?). This is true both outside and inside your job. Value building strong and good relationships.

UltraSuperUser 5y ago
Like, the reply makes sense, but >The most important part of a person is their relationships (you're not convinced? Try this exercise: describe yourself without mentioning any single relationship or its effect on you. What remains?). This is true both outside and inside your job. Doesn't seem to check out to me. If someone is highly skilled, their list of accolades sell themselves. "built x or y application", "functioned as Q or Y for B years" etc.
- brailsafe 5y ago
  Who would give anyone accolades without respect for how they carry themselves or without knowing about them at all? Unless you sell yourself or have an established reputation with people who know you, it's your manager who built that application. Not that skills don't matter, but I'd say they usually only matter in context.
steve_adams_86 5y ago
Similarly, I've tried to power through issues and leverage my ability to focus and grind through hard problems rather than communicate the problems and my situation. Sometimes it impressed people that I 'got things done', but that isn't as great of a gain as the inverse is damaging. People could become frustrated about delays if I didn't manage to power through it in time, or they'd be confused and/or concerned that I never thought to communicate events with them. Part of this, at the fundamental layers of this failure, was a desire for everything to always be alright. I didn't want people to think I was struggling, or to think I encountered issues due to my own faults. That in itself is poor communication, both with myself and other people. I really didn't want to think I was failing, let alone that others thought I was. Ironically, people tend to like it when you communicate your problems or struggles so they know where you're at and what to expect. After 15 years I've encouraged countless coworkers to follow this advice – I have a great eye for it now – but of course I still struggle with it. Communication is a big part of working smart. Don't sacrifice communication and work harder as a result. In tech it can be hard. It's easy to think everyone else knows what the hell they're doing. The truth is, most of us are winging it at least half the time. Like running simulations until something works, then examining it to be sure it works for the reasons we think it does. That's bizarre. It's fine if you struggle, (almost) everyone gets it.
- atatatat 5y ago
  Do you have a blog//email address?
  - steve_adams_86 5y ago
    I used to blog on https://steve-adams.me https://steve-adams.me, but stopped due to time and energy constraints. You can find me by emailing steve @ that domain, though.
- antihipocrat 5y ago
  I think a lot of reluctance to communicate problems is due to a lack of trust. If you are building an environment where management supports staff and mentors them, I believe it creates a culture where staff are also more likely to do the same with each other. In my experience this type of culture is quite rare, and I think it's great that you are encouraging this in your own organization.
  - steve_adams_86 5y ago
    I completely agree that it’s a matter of trust – I really like that observation. At my current company I find the people I work with to be exceptionally good at support and mentoring, and it’s a real luxury. I can comfortably admit I’m rusty on some math or find certain tasks in Rust challenging, and I’m just met with support and encouragement. We might hit a whiteboard or share strategies to solve types of problems, and there’s no moment of wondering why I’m not already proficient. Even if I struggle with a problem in my area of focus, where I’m expected to know the most, they never treat me like I should know better or like they’re somehow disappointed. So while I hope I contribute to that culture of support and mentoring, I can’t help but point out that my team makes it effortless and I’m very fortunate for that. Like you mentioned, it really is rare.
ramesh31 5y ago
This goes for pretty much everything in life. People generally won't care how competent you are if they like having you around.

UltraSuperUser 5y ago

Like, the reply makes sense, but >The most important part of a person is their relationships (you're not convinced? Try this exercise: describe yourself without mentioning any single relationship or its effect on you. What remains?). This is true both outside and inside your job. Doesn't seem to check out to me. If someone is highly skilled, their list of accolades sell themselves. "built x or y application", "functioned as Q or Y for B years" etc.

brailsafe 5y ago
Who would give anyone accolades without respect for how they carry themselves or without knowing about them at all? Unless you sell yourself or have an established reputation with people who know you, it's your manager who built that application. Not that skills don't matter, but I'd say they usually only matter in context.

steve_adams_86 5y ago

Similarly, I've tried to power through issues and leverage my ability to focus and grind through hard problems rather than communicate the problems and my situation. Sometimes it impressed people that I 'got things done', but that isn't as great of a gain as the inverse is damaging. People could become frustrated about delays if I didn't manage to power through it in time, or they'd be confused and/or concerned that I never thought to communicate events with them. Part of this, at the fundamental layers of this failure, was a desire for everything to always be alright. I didn't want people to think I was struggling, or to think I encountered issues due to my own faults. That in itself is poor communication, both with myself and other people. I really didn't want to think I was failing, let alone that others thought I was. Ironically, people tend to like it when you communicate your problems or struggles so they know where you're at and what to expect. After 15 years I've encouraged countless coworkers to follow this advice – I have a great eye for it now – but of course I still struggle with it. Communication is a big part of working smart. Don't sacrifice communication and work harder as a result. In tech it can be hard. It's easy to think everyone else knows what the hell they're doing. The truth is, most of us are winging it at least half the time. Like running simulations until something works, then examining it to be sure it works for the reasons we think it does. That's bizarre. It's fine if you struggle, (almost) everyone gets it.

atatatat 5y ago
Do you have a blog//email address?
- steve_adams_86 5y ago
  I used to blog on https://steve-adams.me https://steve-adams.me, but stopped due to time and energy constraints. You can find me by emailing steve @ that domain, though.
antihipocrat 5y ago
I think a lot of reluctance to communicate problems is due to a lack of trust. If you are building an environment where management supports staff and mentors them, I believe it creates a culture where staff are also more likely to do the same with each other. In my experience this type of culture is quite rare, and I think it's great that you are encouraging this in your own organization.
- steve_adams_86 5y ago
  I completely agree that it’s a matter of trust – I really like that observation. At my current company I find the people I work with to be exceptionally good at support and mentoring, and it’s a real luxury. I can comfortably admit I’m rusty on some math or find certain tasks in Rust challenging, and I’m just met with support and encouragement. We might hit a whiteboard or share strategies to solve types of problems, and there’s no moment of wondering why I’m not already proficient. Even if I struggle with a problem in my area of focus, where I’m expected to know the most, they never treat me like I should know better or like they’re somehow disappointed. So while I hope I contribute to that culture of support and mentoring, I can’t help but point out that my team makes it effortless and I’m very fortunate for that. Like you mentioned, it really is rare.

ramesh31 5y ago

This goes for pretty much everything in life. People generally won't care how competent you are if they like having you around.