3 ms·

Muslim colleague is uncomfortable with 1:1 meeting and work culture?

3 points by elsadek 5y ago

PaulHoule 5y ago
I am not a fan of the 1-1 meeting. I had one boss (who claimed to had previously supervised both David Cutler and Linus Torvalds) who used 1-1 meetings as a weapon against us, regularly told one person one thing and told another person another thing, etc. It wasn't the only warning sign, but when you compare notes with your co-workers and they don't match up that is a sign to "run don't walk". I had another boss who used regular 1-1's and I wouldn't say he was a liar like the other boss, but there were always mysterious things happening that we didn't hear the whole story on and given that the company didn't have a story that made sense (... it's a startup ...) people made up their own answers for these things which were usually much worse than the truth. I wouldn't say that was decisive to the outcome of that company, rather it was just one of many problems that sapped the teamwork and effectiveness there. They sold out to one of the world's greatest consumer brands (thought it was an April Fool's joke when I found out but it was real!)
smashah 5y ago
1:1 meetings being a stupid idea aside, maybe she is concerned based on the stories of abuse coming out during MeToo. If the colleague in question wasn't a Muslim it would still be valid to not want to have a 1:1 imo.
- PaulHoule 5y ago
  Years ago I (male) shared an office with a Muslim woman at a research institute in Germany. I was one step senior to her but wasn't in any chain of authority over her. I don't think there was any problem. The other Muslim women at the institute would come around and talk about the personal and political: «We don't like it because the Hallal store is run by East Asians who also sell Alcohol», «Iran sucks so I want to get married to a EU Citizen», ...
  - HarryHirsch 5y ago
    That was then and in Germany, but nowadays if someone says he will not be alone with a woman who can blame them? The downside risk of false accusations is just too high.
    - bloak 5y ago
      A false accusation might come from a man. A couple of scenes from a couple of films: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hJVXg1AHQTY https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hJVXg1AHQTY American Beauty (1999) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nu_xTC5Gc2U https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nu_xTC5Gc2U Sexy Beast (2000) (I can recommend both films in the unlikely case that you haven't already seen them.)
      - HarryHirsch 5y ago
        Recently on Hackernews: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=27493335 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=27493335 The overcorrection has gone far too much in favour of women, and as a slightly awkward white dude I'm extremely uncomfortable with the current state of affairs and have to protect myself.

3 points by elsadek 5y ago

I am not a fan of the 1-1 meeting. I had one boss (who claimed to had previously supervised both David Cutler and Linus Torvalds) who used 1-1 meetings as a weapon against us, regularly told one person one thing and told another person another thing, etc. It wasn't the only warning sign, but when you compare notes with your co-workers and they don't match up that is a sign to "run don't walk". I had another boss who used regular 1-1's and I wouldn't say he was a liar like the other boss, but there were always mysterious things happening that we didn't hear the whole story on and given that the company didn't have a story that made sense (... it's a startup ...) people made up their own answers for these things which were usually much worse than the truth. I wouldn't say that was decisive to the outcome of that company, rather it was just one of many problems that sapped the teamwork and effectiveness there. They sold out to one of the world's greatest consumer brands (thought it was an April Fool's joke when I found out but it was real!)

smashah 5y ago

1:1 meetings being a stupid idea aside, maybe she is concerned based on the stories of abuse coming out during MeToo. If the colleague in question wasn't a Muslim it would still be valid to not want to have a 1:1 imo.

PaulHoule 5y ago
Years ago I (male) shared an office with a Muslim woman at a research institute in Germany. I was one step senior to her but wasn't in any chain of authority over her. I don't think there was any problem. The other Muslim women at the institute would come around and talk about the personal and political: «We don't like it because the Hallal store is run by East Asians who also sell Alcohol», «Iran sucks so I want to get married to a EU Citizen», ...
- HarryHirsch 5y ago
  That was then and in Germany, but nowadays if someone says he will not be alone with a woman who can blame them? The downside risk of false accusations is just too high.
  - bloak 5y ago
    A false accusation might come from a man. A couple of scenes from a couple of films: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hJVXg1AHQTY https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hJVXg1AHQTY American Beauty (1999) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nu_xTC5Gc2U https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nu_xTC5Gc2U Sexy Beast (2000) (I can recommend both films in the unlikely case that you haven't already seen them.)
    - HarryHirsch 5y ago
      Recently on Hackernews: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=27493335 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=27493335 The overcorrection has gone far too much in favour of women, and as a slightly awkward white dude I'm extremely uncomfortable with the current state of affairs and have to protect myself.