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> No one owes it to any of us to "put up" with how we treat them. No, however we do owe it to ourselves to learn better how to push back on difficult people. I

> No one owes it to any of us to "put up" with how we treat them. No, however we do owe it to ourselves to learn better how to push back on difficult people. It’s a form of self defense because difficult people, or people having a bad day and lashing out, are not going away.

LAC-Tech 5y ago
Exactly. It's kind of like defensive driving. No I shouldn't have to take all these precautions because others should be following the road rules... but very often they don't. If you're in a crash and you're "in the right", you're still in a crash (as my last concussion can attest to...). Likewise if someone is being a prick to you, sometimes you've just gotta be the bigger prick right back. No you shouldn't have to be, people should always be nice and respectful... but they're not. Most people back off, and if they don't - you've learned the valuable lesson that the person is beyond reason and you can wash your hands of it right then and there.
JadeNB 5y ago
> No, however we do owe it to ourselves to learn better how to push back on difficult people. It’s a form of self defense because difficult people, or people having a bad day and lashing out, are not going away. I think this is a key word, though—we owe it to ourselves. We can say "boy, I did a poor job confronting that bully today." But no-one else owes it to us; we are, I think, unjustified in saying, "boy, Matthew did a poor job confronting that bully today", or at least in passing any judgment if that is our belief.
- okaram 5y ago
  I'd modify that statement a little. If I'm in a position of power, I owe it to less-powerful people in my 'team' to protect them from bullies. In a work situation, I would expect my boss to 'defend' me, or at least defuse the situation if somebody was berating me.
  - JadeNB 5y ago
    Yes, I agree with this amendment.

LAC-Tech 5y ago

Exactly. It's kind of like defensive driving. No I shouldn't have to take all these precautions because others should be following the road rules... but very often they don't. If you're in a crash and you're "in the right", you're still in a crash (as my last concussion can attest to...). Likewise if someone is being a prick to you, sometimes you've just gotta be the bigger prick right back. No you shouldn't have to be, people should always be nice and respectful... but they're not. Most people back off, and if they don't - you've learned the valuable lesson that the person is beyond reason and you can wash your hands of it right then and there.

JadeNB 5y ago

> No, however we do owe it to ourselves to learn better how to push back on difficult people. It’s a form of self defense because difficult people, or people having a bad day and lashing out, are not going away. I think this is a key word, though—we owe it to ourselves. We can say "boy, I did a poor job confronting that bully today." But no-one else owes it to us; we are, I think, unjustified in saying, "boy, Matthew did a poor job confronting that bully today", or at least in passing any judgment if that is our belief.

okaram 5y ago
I'd modify that statement a little. If I'm in a position of power, I owe it to less-powerful people in my 'team' to protect them from bullies. In a work situation, I would expect my boss to 'defend' me, or at least defuse the situation if somebody was berating me.
- JadeNB 5y ago
  Yes, I agree with this amendment.