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If I'd thought that's what they meant, I would have reacted differently. Perhaps I misinterpreted it—I'd agree 100% that most employers are not nearly as unders

If I'd thought that's what they meant, I would have reacted differently. Perhaps I misinterpreted it—I'd agree 100% that most employers are not nearly as understanding or generous as they should be regarding disability leave. But I was not the only one here who felt that the tone of the comment came a little too close to the "wow, I sure wish I could have a nice vacation if I was feeling sad" business that most of us are very used to hearing from people who have no experience with depression, and think that those who do are just babies who need to stop being sad and go outside.

shkkmo 5y ago
> ...felt that the tone of the comment came a little too close to... Making assumptions as to intent or meaning because of percieved tone isn't very charitable. You are correct in that you are far from the only one to do so. I do it sometimes too, but that doesn't make it productive. I am not saying you shouldn't acknowledge how the tone came accross and explain how frequently that sentiment is faced. I am saying you should do that while assuming the best possible intrepretion of the comment you are responding to. > ...think that those who do are just babies who need to stop being sad and go outside While I don't hear that sentiment from other people very often, my own brain frequently says it to me; It isn't very helpful.
t0mbstone 5y ago
Depression and mental issues have a huge amount of stigma here in the USA. If I told my employer I wanted time off because I was depressed, there is an almost zero chance that I would get any meaningful support other than being allowed to use my limited PTO that I have accrued. I do pay for both short and long term disability, but as far as I know, Long-term disability (LTD) insurers are generally reluctant to approve claims for benefits based on mental illnesses such as depression or bipolar disorder. Additionally, I would have to deal with the newly acquired stigma of being "that depressed guy with mental issues". Taking it even further, if someone admits that they have suicidal thoughts, this can easily result in having ALL of their rights completely stripped away. You can be forcibly hospitalized and medicated against your will, entirely on the word of someone else. You will also no longer ever be able to pass background checks, own a weapon, or be hired for many types of jobs. I know all of this for a fact because it happened to my ex-wife, who developed schizophrenia in her early 20's (after we were already married) and became bi-polar and suicidal. After years of going in and out of the system and being put on countless medications, she ended up killing herself. The USA really really really hates people who are mentally ill.
- shkkmo 5y ago
  I will say that every time I have brought up depression in a professional context I have been surprised by how willing people are to find ways to make things work. It's not a guarantee OFC and you still might pick your allies, but you might be overestimating the stigma.

shkkmo 5y ago

> ...felt that the tone of the comment came a little too close to... Making assumptions as to intent or meaning because of percieved tone isn't very charitable. You are correct in that you are far from the only one to do so. I do it sometimes too, but that doesn't make it productive. I am not saying you shouldn't acknowledge how the tone came accross and explain how frequently that sentiment is faced. I am saying you should do that while assuming the best possible intrepretion of the comment you are responding to. > ...think that those who do are just babies who need to stop being sad and go outside While I don't hear that sentiment from other people very often, my own brain frequently says it to me; It isn't very helpful.

t0mbstone 5y ago

Depression and mental issues have a huge amount of stigma here in the USA. If I told my employer I wanted time off because I was depressed, there is an almost zero chance that I would get any meaningful support other than being allowed to use my limited PTO that I have accrued. I do pay for both short and long term disability, but as far as I know, Long-term disability (LTD) insurers are generally reluctant to approve claims for benefits based on mental illnesses such as depression or bipolar disorder. Additionally, I would have to deal with the newly acquired stigma of being "that depressed guy with mental issues". Taking it even further, if someone admits that they have suicidal thoughts, this can easily result in having ALL of their rights completely stripped away. You can be forcibly hospitalized and medicated against your will, entirely on the word of someone else. You will also no longer ever be able to pass background checks, own a weapon, or be hired for many types of jobs. I know all of this for a fact because it happened to my ex-wife, who developed schizophrenia in her early 20's (after we were already married) and became bi-polar and suicidal. After years of going in and out of the system and being put on countless medications, she ended up killing herself. The USA really really really hates people who are mentally ill.

shkkmo 5y ago
I will say that every time I have brought up depression in a professional context I have been surprised by how willing people are to find ways to make things work. It's not a guarantee OFC and you still might pick your allies, but you might be overestimating the stigma.