6 ms·

I deal with depression. If I could choose between a four-month vacation and not being depressed, I would take not being depressed. I wouldn't even have to thin

I deal with depression. If I could choose between a four-month vacation and not being depressed, I would take not being depressed. I wouldn't even have to think about it. It's like looking at someone who's sick with a debilitating illness and saying "Wow, I sure wish I could just lie around in bed all day." No, t0mbstone, you don't. All the things you're imagining you'd do with that time—you can't really do them when you're feeling sick all day long. This isn't just feeling blue. It's darkness, 24/7.

shkkmo 5y ago
I think this is an uncharitable response. There is nothing in this comment that implies the person posting it is not depressed. I think there is a very fair point being made about the privilege of having the possibility of a four month vacation to deal with mental health issues. For many people, a four month break from one's responsibilities has a strong likihood of resulting in homelessness and/or permanent harm to employability.
- csilverman 5y ago
  If I'd thought that's what they meant, I would have reacted differently. Perhaps I misinterpreted it—I'd agree 100% that most employers are not nearly as understanding or generous as they should be regarding disability leave. But I was not the only one here who felt that the tone of the comment came a little too close to the "wow, I sure wish I could have a nice vacation if I was feeling sad" business that most of us are very used to hearing from people who have no experience with depression, and think that those who do are just babies who need to stop being sad and go outside.
  - shkkmo 5y ago
    > ...felt that the tone of the comment came a little too close to... Making assumptions as to intent or meaning because of percieved tone isn't very charitable. You are correct in that you are far from the only one to do so. I do it sometimes too, but that doesn't make it productive. I am not saying you shouldn't acknowledge how the tone came accross and explain how frequently that sentiment is faced. I am saying you should do that while assuming the best possible intrepretion of the comment you are responding to. > ...think that those who do are just babies who need to stop being sad and go outside While I don't hear that sentiment from other people very often, my own brain frequently says it to me; It isn't very helpful.
  - t0mbstone 5y ago
    Depression and mental issues have a huge amount of stigma here in the USA. If I told my employer I wanted time off because I was depressed, there is an almost zero chance that I would get any meaningful support other than being allowed to use my limited PTO that I have accrued. I do pay for both short and long term disability, but as far as I know, Long-term disability (LTD) insurers are generally reluctant to approve claims for benefits based on mental illnesses such as depression or bipolar disorder. Additionally, I would have to deal with the newly acquired stigma of being "that depressed guy with mental issues". Taking it even further, if someone admits that they have suicidal thoughts, this can easily result in having ALL of their rights completely stripped away. You can be forcibly hospitalized and medicated against your will, entirely on the word of someone else. You will also no longer ever be able to pass background checks, own a weapon, or be hired for many types of jobs. I know all of this for a fact because it happened to my ex-wife, who developed schizophrenia in her early 20's (after we were already married) and became bi-polar and suicidal. After years of going in and out of the system and being put on countless medications, she ended up killing herself. The USA really really really hates people who are mentally ill.
    - shkkmo 5y ago
      I will say that every time I have brought up depression in a professional context I have been surprised by how willing people are to find ways to make things work. It's not a guarantee OFC and you still might pick your allies, but you might be overestimating the stigma.
- fastasucan 5y ago
  > There is nothing in this comment that implies the person posting it is not depressed. Well there is, the wording itself: ".. I was depressed". I was.
  - t0mbstone 5y ago
    Was, and still am, if I'm being honest.
  - shkkmo 5y ago
    The "was" is inside of a "could" statement which usually means that it is a subjunctive tense and not a past perfect tense. This means that the tense is probably indicating that the intent is talking hypothetically. We don't do a good job of distinguishing these tenses on English but they do exist.
t0mbstone 5y ago
I wasn't trying to be snarky, even though I realize now it must have come off that way. I understand full well what depression is, as I have struggled with it for years. I genuinely wish I could take 4 months worth of paid sick leave like this article's author was able to. That's not exactly an option here in the USA though.

shkkmo 5y ago

I think this is an uncharitable response. There is nothing in this comment that implies the person posting it is not depressed. I think there is a very fair point being made about the privilege of having the possibility of a four month vacation to deal with mental health issues. For many people, a four month break from one's responsibilities has a strong likihood of resulting in homelessness and/or permanent harm to employability.

csilverman 5y ago
If I'd thought that's what they meant, I would have reacted differently. Perhaps I misinterpreted it—I'd agree 100% that most employers are not nearly as understanding or generous as they should be regarding disability leave. But I was not the only one here who felt that the tone of the comment came a little too close to the "wow, I sure wish I could have a nice vacation if I was feeling sad" business that most of us are very used to hearing from people who have no experience with depression, and think that those who do are just babies who need to stop being sad and go outside.
- shkkmo 5y ago
  > ...felt that the tone of the comment came a little too close to... Making assumptions as to intent or meaning because of percieved tone isn't very charitable. You are correct in that you are far from the only one to do so. I do it sometimes too, but that doesn't make it productive. I am not saying you shouldn't acknowledge how the tone came accross and explain how frequently that sentiment is faced. I am saying you should do that while assuming the best possible intrepretion of the comment you are responding to. > ...think that those who do are just babies who need to stop being sad and go outside While I don't hear that sentiment from other people very often, my own brain frequently says it to me; It isn't very helpful.
- t0mbstone 5y ago
  Depression and mental issues have a huge amount of stigma here in the USA. If I told my employer I wanted time off because I was depressed, there is an almost zero chance that I would get any meaningful support other than being allowed to use my limited PTO that I have accrued. I do pay for both short and long term disability, but as far as I know, Long-term disability (LTD) insurers are generally reluctant to approve claims for benefits based on mental illnesses such as depression or bipolar disorder. Additionally, I would have to deal with the newly acquired stigma of being "that depressed guy with mental issues". Taking it even further, if someone admits that they have suicidal thoughts, this can easily result in having ALL of their rights completely stripped away. You can be forcibly hospitalized and medicated against your will, entirely on the word of someone else. You will also no longer ever be able to pass background checks, own a weapon, or be hired for many types of jobs. I know all of this for a fact because it happened to my ex-wife, who developed schizophrenia in her early 20's (after we were already married) and became bi-polar and suicidal. After years of going in and out of the system and being put on countless medications, she ended up killing herself. The USA really really really hates people who are mentally ill.
  - shkkmo 5y ago
    I will say that every time I have brought up depression in a professional context I have been surprised by how willing people are to find ways to make things work. It's not a guarantee OFC and you still might pick your allies, but you might be overestimating the stigma.
fastasucan 5y ago
> There is nothing in this comment that implies the person posting it is not depressed. Well there is, the wording itself: ".. I was depressed". I was.
- t0mbstone 5y ago
  Was, and still am, if I'm being honest.
- shkkmo 5y ago
  The "was" is inside of a "could" statement which usually means that it is a subjunctive tense and not a past perfect tense. This means that the tense is probably indicating that the intent is talking hypothetically. We don't do a good job of distinguishing these tenses on English but they do exist.

t0mbstone 5y ago

I wasn't trying to be snarky, even though I realize now it must have come off that way. I understand full well what depression is, as I have struggled with it for years. I genuinely wish I could take 4 months worth of paid sick leave like this article's author was able to. That's not exactly an option here in the USA though.