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Not wanting children is fine. It’s a very personal and individualized choice. The best advice I can give on the topic is that it’s critically important to make

Not wanting children is fine. It’s a very personal and individualized choice. The best advice I can give on the topic is that it’s critically important to make a fully informed decision on the matter. Getting information from heavily biased sources toward having children (e.g. your grandparents who desperately want great-grandchildren) or being childfree (e.g. /r/childfree, the subreddit so miserable that even most childless parents can’t stand it) is not a recipe for making informed decisions. Likewise, evaluating child raising by only observing vocally unhappy parents in your social circle while ignoring the quietly happy parents is an easy mistake. If your only impression of child raising is changing diapers and listening to crying babies, you’re not getting the full picture. Nearly half of my parent friends thought they would never want children when they were younger. They’re all happy (and deliberate) parents now after revisiting their decisions as they grew older. And that’s fine. I also have some friends who have decided to never have children and stayed that way. And that’s fine too. Generally, ignore anyone who is militant that there is only one correct decision (having kids or being childfree). Ignore anyone who harbors hatred or loathing for children in general (kids are people too). And try to ignore the parents who try to make themselves out to be martyrs by talking endlessly about how challenging their kids are. You might have to seek out the happy parents in your social circles to ask what child raising is really like, because in my experience many of the happiest and most successful parents aren’t constantly talking about how happy they are with their decision in the same way that the /r/childfree zealots are actively spreading their message. You have to look a bit deeper to find the reality.

DenverCode 5y ago
I can't tell you how many times I've been immediately labeled as child hating because I don't want kids. We are always more than willing to have our friends bring their kids over - they keep the dog distracted :) - or bring them on hikes, etc. with us. I have also been volunteering at the local ice arenas teaching youth hockey and learn to skate programs and it's something I look forward to doing for a long time as it brings me happiness. The idea that I embody r/childfree because I don't want kids of my own is wild to me. There is, for sure, a cult-like approach from both extremes.
- PragmaticPulp 5y ago
  Fortunately, the /r/childfree hatred seems to be mostly an online phenomenon. All of my childless friends actually enjoy kids. I’ve only met a few people who loathe kids and don’t want to be around them, and most of them were simply young and inexperienced with the world.
silicon2401 5y ago
> Generally, ignore anyone who is militant that there is only one correct decision (having kids or being childfree). This is good advice for any mindset or ideology. Unfortunately most people seem to gravitate towards this kind of black and white thinking. But to be reasonable it's always important to consider that there's not always one solution. > Ignore anyone who harbors hatred or loathing for children in general (kids are people too). I would say take the most extreme ends of any ideological spectrum lightly. They may make a few good or useful points among their otherwise un-relatable views. Not sure why you say "kids are people", there's nothing wrong with hating children just like there's nothing wrong with hating dogs. People don't choose their preferences and some people's preference just don't overlap with kids, dogs, cities, hiking, music, etc. > And try to ignore the parents who try to make themselves out to be martyrs by talking endlessly about how challenging their kids are. You might have to seek out the happy parents in your social circles to ask what child raising is really like, because in my experience many of the happiest and most successful parents aren’t constantly talking about how happy they are with their decision in the same way that the /r/childfree zealots are actively spreading their message. You have to look a bit deeper to find the reality. This is true of all points on the spectrum. Some of the happiest people I've met were coworkers who I found out chose not to have kids way after first meeting them, because they never talk about it. We don't shame people who choose to have kids so there's no need to shame people for encouraging a child-free life. It's only an issue if people become militant, which is much more common on the child-having side.

DenverCode 5y ago

I can't tell you how many times I've been immediately labeled as child hating because I don't want kids. We are always more than willing to have our friends bring their kids over - they keep the dog distracted :) - or bring them on hikes, etc. with us. I have also been volunteering at the local ice arenas teaching youth hockey and learn to skate programs and it's something I look forward to doing for a long time as it brings me happiness. The idea that I embody r/childfree because I don't want kids of my own is wild to me. There is, for sure, a cult-like approach from both extremes.

PragmaticPulp 5y ago
Fortunately, the /r/childfree hatred seems to be mostly an online phenomenon. All of my childless friends actually enjoy kids. I’ve only met a few people who loathe kids and don’t want to be around them, and most of them were simply young and inexperienced with the world.

silicon2401 5y ago

> Generally, ignore anyone who is militant that there is only one correct decision (having kids or being childfree). This is good advice for any mindset or ideology. Unfortunately most people seem to gravitate towards this kind of black and white thinking. But to be reasonable it's always important to consider that there's not always one solution. > Ignore anyone who harbors hatred or loathing for children in general (kids are people too). I would say take the most extreme ends of any ideological spectrum lightly. They may make a few good or useful points among their otherwise un-relatable views. Not sure why you say "kids are people", there's nothing wrong with hating children just like there's nothing wrong with hating dogs. People don't choose their preferences and some people's preference just don't overlap with kids, dogs, cities, hiking, music, etc. > And try to ignore the parents who try to make themselves out to be martyrs by talking endlessly about how challenging their kids are. You might have to seek out the happy parents in your social circles to ask what child raising is really like, because in my experience many of the happiest and most successful parents aren’t constantly talking about how happy they are with their decision in the same way that the /r/childfree zealots are actively spreading their message. You have to look a bit deeper to find the reality. This is true of all points on the spectrum. Some of the happiest people I've met were coworkers who I found out chose not to have kids way after first meeting them, because they never talk about it. We don't shame people who choose to have kids so there's no need to shame people for encouraging a child-free life. It's only an issue if people become militant, which is much more common on the child-having side.