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Why is wanting children the default state? You should have good reasons for wanting something that costs 18 years and a million dollars. Not good reasons for n

Why is wanting children the default state? You should have good reasons for wanting something that costs 18 years and a million dollars. Not good reasons for not wanting it.

TylerE 5y ago
Because, given evolution, and that we have survived as a species up til now, reproduction is a thing that normally happens.
drewcon 5y ago
It’s the default state because humans are living animals with a biological imperative to reproduce. That doesn’t mean you have to, but it shouldn’t be surprising that it’s widely considered normal.
NegativeLatency 5y ago
If you don’t want children then you might not have any offspring, who could potentially share your view on not having children
- betterunix2 5y ago
  You are probably joking, but in fact this was exactly the situation with some of the early Christian sects -- they practiced strict celibacy, and as a result they did not survive long.
- newsbinator 5y ago
  That's pretty much the premise for the movie Idiocracy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBvIweCIgwk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBvIweCIgwk
xyzal 5y ago
Given all of one's ancestors up to the lowly amoeba decided to reproduce, one might think living things are somehow predisposed for it.
david-cako 5y ago
For one, it keeps a couple invested in something that isn't themselves or work. It's natural that a couple should want to strive for something together, like raising their children into adulthood, and having children is the primary thing that is biologically codified for this. I thought I didn't want kids, then I realized I don't find work especially gratifying, and I heard lots of really interesting things from people who do have kids about how important and meaningful having them is to them; I'll find out soon enough. In hindsight, I was disturbed by how having kids worked out for many people around me, and I was afraid that I would make the same mistakes. I know that this doesn't have to be the case. Maybe some people feel the same way about work, and maybe some couples work together. Maybe striving towards financial goals or living situations does the trick for other couples.
- DenverCode 5y ago
  I think I understand your premise but you can be invested in things well beyond work or yourself that doesn't involve having kids.
  - betterunix2 5y ago
    You can also be invested in children without being a parent -- teachers, summer camp staff, coaches, religious leaders, etc. are all part of raising the next generation.
    - DenverCode 5y ago
      Absolutely and it's something I personally make an effort in doing. It's also something I very much enjoy.
mgolawala 5y ago
Well wouldn't natural selection favor a predisposition to have kids over a predisposition to not have kids? :)
- betterunix2 5y ago
  Not necessarily; natural selection favors a species that reproduces, but that does not mean every member of the species must reproduce. For example, it could be favorable to have a small number of individuals who have more offspring than they can care for on their own, but whose siblings/extended family assist with raising those children (this is more or less how a wolf pack is organized). In the end what evolution is about are genetic traits, and someone who helps raise nieces/nephews/cousins is helping to propagate their own genetic material.
Majestic121 5y ago
You're at the end of a chain billions link strong, going back to the very first organism that appeared on earth, where each of your ascendant had to reproduce one way or another : through famine and drought, through war and sickness, through times of abundance. Wanting to reproduce is the default in your lineage, as for all of us.
dqpb 5y ago
It's literally the meaning of life.
- dqpb 5y ago
  Actually, I like to think of humans as a three layered system: dna -> animal -> self-conscious virtual machine 1. our dna's meaning in life is reproduction. 2. our animal's meaning in life is survival+reproduction 3. our self-conscious virtual machines meaning in life is somewhat unbounded, but at a high level probably boils down to negotiating the exploration/exploitation trade-off
- deleted 5y ago
  [deleted]
betterunix2 5y ago
"Why is wanting children the default state?" For most of human history it was the only way to ensure that a tribe/culture/country would survive. People used to die all the time, diseases would periodically wipe out large swaths of the population, and if people did not have enough children a country would be left in a weakened state, lacking enough workers for farms, and would likely be conquered by some neighboring country. Every culture that exists today formed under conditions that only allowed a small minority of people to choose not to reproduce, and cultural institutions and norms formed to encourage procreation. Today we live in a very different world and we can (and should) rethink our attitude.
PragmaticPulp 5y ago
> You should have good reasons for wanting something that costs 18 years and a million dollars. Raising kids doesn’t cost a million dollars. That’s $55K per year per child. Maybe if you live in a high cost of living city, use expensive private schools, and pay full sticker price for their education. That’s hardly common though. A more accurate number is about $240,000, with almost 1/3 of that being the cost of additional housing which varies greatly depending on where and how you live. The USDA has studies on this: https://www.usda.gov/media/blog/2017/01/13/cost-raising-child https://www.usda.gov/media/blog/2017/01/13/cost-raising-chil...

Why is wanting children the default state? You should have good reasons for wanting something that costs 18 years and a million dollars. Not good reasons for not wanting it.

TylerE 5y ago

Because, given evolution, and that we have survived as a species up til now, reproduction is a thing that normally happens.

drewcon 5y ago

It’s the default state because humans are living animals with a biological imperative to reproduce. That doesn’t mean you have to, but it shouldn’t be surprising that it’s widely considered normal.

NegativeLatency 5y ago

If you don’t want children then you might not have any offspring, who could potentially share your view on not having children

betterunix2 5y ago
You are probably joking, but in fact this was exactly the situation with some of the early Christian sects -- they practiced strict celibacy, and as a result they did not survive long.
newsbinator 5y ago
That's pretty much the premise for the movie Idiocracy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBvIweCIgwk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBvIweCIgwk

xyzal 5y ago

Given all of one's ancestors up to the lowly amoeba decided to reproduce, one might think living things are somehow predisposed for it.

david-cako 5y ago

For one, it keeps a couple invested in something that isn't themselves or work. It's natural that a couple should want to strive for something together, like raising their children into adulthood, and having children is the primary thing that is biologically codified for this. I thought I didn't want kids, then I realized I don't find work especially gratifying, and I heard lots of really interesting things from people who do have kids about how important and meaningful having them is to them; I'll find out soon enough. In hindsight, I was disturbed by how having kids worked out for many people around me, and I was afraid that I would make the same mistakes. I know that this doesn't have to be the case. Maybe some people feel the same way about work, and maybe some couples work together. Maybe striving towards financial goals or living situations does the trick for other couples.

DenverCode 5y ago
I think I understand your premise but you can be invested in things well beyond work or yourself that doesn't involve having kids.
- betterunix2 5y ago
  You can also be invested in children without being a parent -- teachers, summer camp staff, coaches, religious leaders, etc. are all part of raising the next generation.
  - DenverCode 5y ago
    Absolutely and it's something I personally make an effort in doing. It's also something I very much enjoy.

mgolawala 5y ago

Well wouldn't natural selection favor a predisposition to have kids over a predisposition to not have kids? :)

betterunix2 5y ago
Not necessarily; natural selection favors a species that reproduces, but that does not mean every member of the species must reproduce. For example, it could be favorable to have a small number of individuals who have more offspring than they can care for on their own, but whose siblings/extended family assist with raising those children (this is more or less how a wolf pack is organized). In the end what evolution is about are genetic traits, and someone who helps raise nieces/nephews/cousins is helping to propagate their own genetic material.

Majestic121 5y ago

You're at the end of a chain billions link strong, going back to the very first organism that appeared on earth, where each of your ascendant had to reproduce one way or another : through famine and drought, through war and sickness, through times of abundance. Wanting to reproduce is the default in your lineage, as for all of us.

dqpb 5y ago

It's literally the meaning of life.

dqpb 5y ago
Actually, I like to think of humans as a three layered system: dna -> animal -> self-conscious virtual machine 1. our dna's meaning in life is reproduction. 2. our animal's meaning in life is survival+reproduction 3. our self-conscious virtual machines meaning in life is somewhat unbounded, but at a high level probably boils down to negotiating the exploration/exploitation trade-off
deleted 5y ago
[deleted]

betterunix2 5y ago

"Why is wanting children the default state?" For most of human history it was the only way to ensure that a tribe/culture/country would survive. People used to die all the time, diseases would periodically wipe out large swaths of the population, and if people did not have enough children a country would be left in a weakened state, lacking enough workers for farms, and would likely be conquered by some neighboring country. Every culture that exists today formed under conditions that only allowed a small minority of people to choose not to reproduce, and cultural institutions and norms formed to encourage procreation. Today we live in a very different world and we can (and should) rethink our attitude.

PragmaticPulp 5y ago

> You should have good reasons for wanting something that costs 18 years and a million dollars. Raising kids doesn’t cost a million dollars. That’s $55K per year per child. Maybe if you live in a high cost of living city, use expensive private schools, and pay full sticker price for their education. That’s hardly common though. A more accurate number is about $240,000, with almost 1/3 of that being the cost of additional housing which varies greatly depending on where and how you live. The USDA has studies on this: https://www.usda.gov/media/blog/2017/01/13/cost-raising-child https://www.usda.gov/media/blog/2017/01/13/cost-raising-chil...