5 ms·

I'm sorry if that's been your experience but this generalisation is a bit much. I probably watch about as much porn as I do Netflix - around 30 minutes per day

I'm sorry if that's been your experience but this generalisation is a bit much. I probably watch about as much porn as I do Netflix - around 30 minutes per day on average. I enjoy it, it's very relaxing and pleasureful. I'm in a committed long-term relationship of 3 years and have had the same habits through other 3 relationships of about the same length. They've all had a full sex life and I enjoy both separately. I'm sure many people have the same experience.

syops 5y ago
There's been a bit of research into the destructive aspects of porn watching. Porn has normalized a number of sexual behaviors that were not common in the past. This is especially so for behaviors that are degrading to the woman. What's interesting about your comment though is that you accuse OP of over generalization whilst using your singular anecdotal experience in what I think can best be described as a example of under generalization.
- pault 5y ago
  To be fair, some people of all genders get their kicks from being sexually dominated. The issue is knowing where the other person’s limits are and having good communication. This becomes a problem when people find discussing their sexual preferences embarrassing, even with their partners. My sex life improved greatly when I started asking my partners if they have any fantasies and exploring them together. Sometimes porn can help people discover things that they otherwise would have been too shy to bring up. However, If you’re watching porn five times per day and find yourself less and less stimulated by IRL sex, you need a detox.
  - syops 5y ago
    Of course there are such people. I submit though that the number of women who consent to anal and like it is much less than the number who consent and don't like it. The same for various other sex acts. I believe the research supports my position.
    - pault 5y ago
      I didn't downvote you, but "I believe the research supports my position" is functionally equivalent to "that's my gut feeling". I'd be interested in seeing any research you've encountered that caused you to arrive at this conclusion.
  - JackFr 5y ago
    It’s possible though as a society we’ve lost the idea of a disordered desire. If you’ve got an authentic desire to be sexually dominated or to humiliate and dominate others, we now say “That’s ok, that’s your authentic self. It’s cool as long as everything is consensual.” But maybe it’s not OK. Maybe it’s behavior that if indulged keeps us from living and thriving and keeps us from being our best selves. I’m not making a moral argument here — at least I don’t think I am. Just that it might not be healthy to indulge every desire we may have. And when desires are far outside the norm, it’s worth it to be circumspect about them.
    - FormhellFrom 5y ago
      You’re absolutely making a moral argument. The moral argument is: “people should not do things that I don’t like”. Weird sex has existed since time immemorial, and people will continue to do weird shit long after society collapses and we go back to smashing rocks together. What difference does it make if someone likes being choked? How does that prevent them from “living their best life?” Of course, I realize that you and the GP are being weasels and really want to to say that some other widely politicized current issue is actually the fault of porn. Why don’t you just say it?
    - pault 5y ago
      You definitely are making a moral argument, even if that isn't your intention. There is no meaningful way to define "outside the norm", so it becomes a synonym for "unnatural" and a proxy for individual prejudices. Homosexuality is statistically "outside the norm", and conservative heterosexuals use this logic to support gay conversion therapy and other bigotry. You can overindulge in any dopamine-producing activity, so the same can be said for sex, eating, drinking, smoking, etc. The particular type of sex you enjoy is as irrelevant as the brand of whiskey you prefer.
- VortexDream 5y ago
  My experience has been that women are often also into the degrading behaviors/activities. If there is consent, where is the problem?
throwaway247599 5y ago
I think there are a lot of people like you, just as there are a lot of alcohol drinkers who are not alcoholics, and a lot of people who can smoke one cigarette a day and not become chain smokers. There are also a lot of people with a vastly different experience with internet porn. Since we’re sharing personal anecdotes, allow me to describe my experience. I’ve first encountered internet porn in my teenage years. A harmless habit eventually escalated to daily 1-2 hour sessions, with maybe a hundred tabs open searching for that “perfect” video or picture. I would download terabytes of torrented porn to find that one specific video. Looking at porn on my phone would be the first thing I did in the morning and the last thing I did before falling asleep at night. It has poisoned my intimate relationships and my views of women in general (when 90% of ones experience of the opposite sex is from online porn, it warps ones real world perceptions). The sessions would eventually start leaving me drained and depressed for a few days after, to the point where I had to time them around important events (like work presentations, etc.) so that I would feel up to the task. I strongly suspect it caused some dysfunction with the real thing, ranging from never quite being satisfied (I would be back looking at porn an hour after sex) to some psychological and physical issues like premature ejaculation and not being able to get aroused for days at a time. Like many addicts, I tried quitting a few times. The first time was after a week long vacation where I didn’t have easy access to internet. I felt better and got interested in the topic (despite the above I never considered my porn usage “a problem” until then). Turns out there’s an evolving community of people sharing these issues. I abstained for maybe half a year after relapsing. Similarly how smokers who quit talk about being able to experience smell and taste in a new way, this was a revelation. What attracted me in women started to change. Things became more subtle and interesting. I also felt like I no longer needed to have sex all the time and it greatly improved the quality of my relationships. Most recently, I quit using https://easypeasymethod.org/ https://easypeasymethod.org/ (a rewrite of the classic “Easy Way to Stop Smoking” but for porn) and I hope this time for good! If anyone recognizes themselves in this story please do yourself a favor and read through that website - if there’s a 1% chance of it working for you it’s worth it. I think you can agree that my experience is not “normal” or “healthy”. I also believe a lot of people are in the same boat, as the availability of online porn is only becoming easier with time. Knowing what I know now I wish I’ve never came across it back then and I’m dreading figuring out how to educate my children about this. The easily available, effectively infinite internet porn is the problem, not just porn in general. I don’t see getting hooked in the same way on magazines or dvds, as repetitiveness gets boring pretty quickly.

syops 5y ago

There's been a bit of research into the destructive aspects of porn watching. Porn has normalized a number of sexual behaviors that were not common in the past. This is especially so for behaviors that are degrading to the woman. What's interesting about your comment though is that you accuse OP of over generalization whilst using your singular anecdotal experience in what I think can best be described as a example of under generalization.

pault 5y ago
To be fair, some people of all genders get their kicks from being sexually dominated. The issue is knowing where the other person’s limits are and having good communication. This becomes a problem when people find discussing their sexual preferences embarrassing, even with their partners. My sex life improved greatly when I started asking my partners if they have any fantasies and exploring them together. Sometimes porn can help people discover things that they otherwise would have been too shy to bring up. However, If you’re watching porn five times per day and find yourself less and less stimulated by IRL sex, you need a detox.
- syops 5y ago
  Of course there are such people. I submit though that the number of women who consent to anal and like it is much less than the number who consent and don't like it. The same for various other sex acts. I believe the research supports my position.
  - pault 5y ago
    I didn't downvote you, but "I believe the research supports my position" is functionally equivalent to "that's my gut feeling". I'd be interested in seeing any research you've encountered that caused you to arrive at this conclusion.
- JackFr 5y ago
  It’s possible though as a society we’ve lost the idea of a disordered desire. If you’ve got an authentic desire to be sexually dominated or to humiliate and dominate others, we now say “That’s ok, that’s your authentic self. It’s cool as long as everything is consensual.” But maybe it’s not OK. Maybe it’s behavior that if indulged keeps us from living and thriving and keeps us from being our best selves. I’m not making a moral argument here — at least I don’t think I am. Just that it might not be healthy to indulge every desire we may have. And when desires are far outside the norm, it’s worth it to be circumspect about them.
  - FormhellFrom 5y ago
    You’re absolutely making a moral argument. The moral argument is: “people should not do things that I don’t like”. Weird sex has existed since time immemorial, and people will continue to do weird shit long after society collapses and we go back to smashing rocks together. What difference does it make if someone likes being choked? How does that prevent them from “living their best life?” Of course, I realize that you and the GP are being weasels and really want to to say that some other widely politicized current issue is actually the fault of porn. Why don’t you just say it?
  - pault 5y ago
    You definitely are making a moral argument, even if that isn't your intention. There is no meaningful way to define "outside the norm", so it becomes a synonym for "unnatural" and a proxy for individual prejudices. Homosexuality is statistically "outside the norm", and conservative heterosexuals use this logic to support gay conversion therapy and other bigotry. You can overindulge in any dopamine-producing activity, so the same can be said for sex, eating, drinking, smoking, etc. The particular type of sex you enjoy is as irrelevant as the brand of whiskey you prefer.
VortexDream 5y ago
My experience has been that women are often also into the degrading behaviors/activities. If there is consent, where is the problem?

throwaway247599 5y ago

I think there are a lot of people like you, just as there are a lot of alcohol drinkers who are not alcoholics, and a lot of people who can smoke one cigarette a day and not become chain smokers. There are also a lot of people with a vastly different experience with internet porn. Since we’re sharing personal anecdotes, allow me to describe my experience. I’ve first encountered internet porn in my teenage years. A harmless habit eventually escalated to daily 1-2 hour sessions, with maybe a hundred tabs open searching for that “perfect” video or picture. I would download terabytes of torrented porn to find that one specific video. Looking at porn on my phone would be the first thing I did in the morning and the last thing I did before falling asleep at night. It has poisoned my intimate relationships and my views of women in general (when 90% of ones experience of the opposite sex is from online porn, it warps ones real world perceptions). The sessions would eventually start leaving me drained and depressed for a few days after, to the point where I had to time them around important events (like work presentations, etc.) so that I would feel up to the task. I strongly suspect it caused some dysfunction with the real thing, ranging from never quite being satisfied (I would be back looking at porn an hour after sex) to some psychological and physical issues like premature ejaculation and not being able to get aroused for days at a time. Like many addicts, I tried quitting a few times. The first time was after a week long vacation where I didn’t have easy access to internet. I felt better and got interested in the topic (despite the above I never considered my porn usage “a problem” until then). Turns out there’s an evolving community of people sharing these issues. I abstained for maybe half a year after relapsing. Similarly how smokers who quit talk about being able to experience smell and taste in a new way, this was a revelation. What attracted me in women started to change. Things became more subtle and interesting. I also felt like I no longer needed to have sex all the time and it greatly improved the quality of my relationships. Most recently, I quit using https://easypeasymethod.org/ https://easypeasymethod.org/ (a rewrite of the classic “Easy Way to Stop Smoking” but for porn) and I hope this time for good! If anyone recognizes themselves in this story please do yourself a favor and read through that website - if there’s a 1% chance of it working for you it’s worth it. I think you can agree that my experience is not “normal” or “healthy”. I also believe a lot of people are in the same boat, as the availability of online porn is only becoming easier with time. Knowing what I know now I wish I’ve never came across it back then and I’m dreading figuring out how to educate my children about this. The easily available, effectively infinite internet porn is the problem, not just porn in general. I don’t see getting hooked in the same way on magazines or dvds, as repetitiveness gets boring pretty quickly.