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I am torn on this. On one hand I applaud someone who follows their dream in spite of societal pressures. On the other hand, she only saw her son twice in 30 ye
by cortesoft 5y ago
I am torn on this. On one hand I applaud someone who follows their dream in spite of societal pressures.
On the other hand, she only saw her son twice in 30 years. I would be pretty upset at my mom if she did that, and I can’t imagine doing that to my kids. Not meeting my grandkids, even though I am still alive? That is unimaginable to me.
- xwolfi 5y agoBah god is more important than your whiny grandkids, and by spending all this time in prayer she's surely helping them. Religion is an ideological cancer: no need to be torn, this person followed an obsessive sickness, not a dream.
- narrator 5y agoEdit: You actually got canceled. I retract my comment.
- chairmanwow1 5y agoYeah, I think this fact shifts this story out of laudable territory for me. I think this is a really sad story.
- canadianfella 5y ago> she only saw her son twice in 30 years. She is a piece of shit and religion needs to be criticized more often.
- tssva 5y agoIt sounds like you probably have a fairly healthy and loving relationship with your mother. Not all family relationships are that way whether at the fault of the parents, children or both. I recommend not projecting your family history on to others and judging them based upon it. Some parents and some children don't deserve to be seen more than twice in 30 years. Some children should never suffer being exposed to their grandparents.
- cortesoft 5y agoThat doesn’t make the story any less tragic. To have 10 kids and not want to see any of them is beyond sad.
- sizt 5y agoTry to remember, a mother, including yours, is just a girl with her own dreams.
- iammisc 5y agoYou realize there's a whole religious backdrop to this as well right? She seems like a faithful Catholic. If here children are as well, then they probably see nothing wrong with this. It's not about not wanting to see them, it's about wanting to live your calling more. It's like the Sound of Music, when Mother Superior tells Maria that loving Captain Von Trapp does not mean loving God less, but in reverse.
- nyokodo 5y ago> To have 10 kids and not want to see any of them is beyond sad. Monastic life is a sacrifice, in part because those who follow it do want to see their family etc. She felt that following Christ in a life of prayer separate from the world was what her heart most wanted, it was what God was calling her to do, and it was important for her salvation. You do not understand that but any faithful Catholic child would even though it is bittersweet for them too.
- Baeocystin 5y agoI'm not torn at all. I find it reprehensible, and I am genuinely surprised that more of the comments here don't find that behavior horrible. There is nothing noble about having 10 kids, then cutting them out of your life once their other parent died. I mean, wtf.
- typhonic 5y agoI don't know that we have enough information to judge her. I mean, she was a socialite; how close was she to her children? And, after all, she left each of them with nine siblings. I wish I had nine lifelong friends.
- Baeocystin 5y agoI'm pretty comfortable judging the act of excising all of one's (ten!) children from one's life as being a shitty thing to do. Even other cloistered orders allow letter-writing, and there are semi-cloistered orders where family can come visit any time. There is nothing about the act of becoming a nun that mandated her cutting of her connections to her children.
- ljm 5y agoWhy do we need to judge her at all? I can only sympathise with the socialite renouncing the society that continues to criticise them; which in much of this entire thread amounts to judging her for not dedicating her entire life to motherhood. Her grown-ass children will either be happy for her, or they'll be mourning their loss. Or maybe a mix of both. But they'll deal and life will go on.
- nyokodo 5y ago> I find it reprehensible I would imagine most people wouldn’t judge her if she was a firefighter who died in the line of duty because she “could have chosen a safer job.” This is because people generally appreciate this kind of sacrifice. Your attitude is based on the assumption that her sacrifice wasn’t worthwhile, well she thought it was and Catholics think it was. Her children were grown, she felt a calling from God, and ultimately it was her life.
- sudosteph 5y agoEh, my mom's not 60 yet - but I wouldn't be mad at her if she did something like this (not that she ever would). I think parents are entitled to be individuals, especially if they've already fulfilled the core parental duties of raising their own children. They don't owe their kids anything else after that.
- MisterBastahrd 5y agoParents have a responsibility when they create a child that doesn't disappear simply because that kid becomes an adult. If every 18 year old on the planet were left to their own devices, it would be an absolute disaster.
- CalRobert 5y agoOr, as a counterpoint, no they don't. 18 year olds are adults.
- MisterBastahrd 5y agoThat isn't a counterpoint, and it's frankly ridiculous given any sort of actual consideration of the modern world.
- decremental 5y agoI generally agree. Though we've sort of swung in the opposite direction it seems where parents will fail to instill an upbringing that doesn't end up with their kids being 35 and still at home. Also an absolute disaster by my estimation.
- xenocyon 5y agoIt may be shocking, but this is often what happens when people discover their monastic calling in adulthood. Buddha famously abandoned his wife and infant son when he decided to pursue his path. Furthermore, some people have little contact with their children for even weaker reasons. The fact is that we are inclined to judge women harshly for actions which would hardly seem remarkable for, say, a male rock star.
- dbt00 5y agoEh, Steve Jobs still gets shit around here for the way he treated his first daughter (and rightfully so).
- Torwald 5y agoAre you talking about Lisa?
- imwillofficial 5y agoAre you comparing Steve Jobs refusing to pay child support for His daughter to Buddha?
- garmaine 5y ago> The fact is that we are inclined to judge women harshly for actions which would hardly seem remarkable for, say, a male rock star. I don't think this is true. Walk-out dads are judged very harshly by our culture too.
- iammisc 5y ago> I would be pretty upset at my mom if she did that, and I can’t imagine doing that to my kids. Are you or your kids Catholic? I mean... some parents would be upset if their children decided to become vowed celibates, but if you're Catholic, and all your children decided to do this, you may be able to be happy. I am honestly shocked here that Hacker News is responding to this happening as if it is taking place in secular society, when the entire family seems religious.
- thih9 5y ago> I would be pretty upset at my mom if she did that I’m very surprised at this reaction. I feel like the right approach would be to respect her right to make a personal decisions.
- WastingMyTime89 5y agoYou can both respect people right to make personal decisions and think these decisions are shit and affect their relationship with you negatively. If my mother decided she was going to join not just a religious order but one of the most strict and one of the only ones preventing her to see us I would not be particularly happy about her choice.
- deleted 5y ago[deleted]
- thih9 5y agoNote that GP wrote about being upset at their mother, this seems different from what you’re describing? > I would not be particularly happy about her choice. This seems just being upset in general; which, I agree, isn’t inappropriate.
- toyg 5y agoShe did see some grandchildren - tbh, with so many children, keeping track of every single one of their spawn would be hard even for a normal person. Also, from back-of-envelop calculations, by the time she joined the convent her youngest child was in their 30s, the oldest in her 40s. It's not too different, in practice, from entering a hospice because of health issues.
- deleted 5y ago[deleted]
- mattbee 5y agobecause your mom might have brought you up differently if she'd wanted to join a nunnery.
- deleted 5y ago[deleted]
- swman 5y agoI get that too but as I get older I start “getting it” as to why people do what they do. Doesn’t matter who they are to me, but life is complicated and ultimately it’s easier to just be understanding and let go.
- xwdv 5y agoLife does not revolve around a child, especially when you have several. Grandchildren even less. A parent roamed the earth with their own desires and business long before a child came into the world. Children may feel they are the most important thing in a parent’s life because they are constantly fed, watered, and sheltered without fail, and they have known their parent their whole life. But a child is only a small phase of a parent’s life, a small piece of a larger plan, or sometimes no plan at all.
- Grustaf 5y ago> Life does not revolve around a child Of course it does - while they actually are children they should be your number 1 priority and the focus of all you do. But once they're adults it's a different story altogether.