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PERSONAL RANT YOU DON'T NEED TO READ, BUT I NEED TO WRITE: I will add something to your son's point: being independent from my family was more important to me

PERSONAL RANT YOU DON'T NEED TO READ, BUT I NEED TO WRITE: I will add something to your son's point: being independent from my family was more important to me than saving money, especially if their loans are only 4 years away from being paid off. In fact, it bootstrapped all kinds of good behaviors around how to socialize with others, make friends, find a job, fix my own toilet, do laundry, pay taxes, find a new hair stylist, shop for clothes, etc etc etc. It gave me the independence to move even further, and find work paid literally 10x more in a few years. No amount of saving would make up for that. I can't imagine how much more stagnate my life would be if I had done the "smart thing" and put my life on pause instead of doing what I wanted from the get go. Death is much less stressful to think about when you're living aligned with your goals and values.

sergiomattei 5y ago
As someone in a similar situation as OP's son (although undergrad) and looking to move out... Independence and personal space MATTER, please consider how your son may feel about living close to you. It may hurt, but it's important to understand the mindset behind the decision.
- leetcrew 5y ago
  agreed. I moved out as soon as I could support myself. it wasn't because I hated my parents; they're pretty good as far as parents go. I feel like it's hard to actually be an adult when you live with your parents. as an example, my dad used to always ask when he could expect me home when I went out. not being nosy, he just had a certain "night lock up" routine for the house. it wasn't an unreasonable question to get from a man who was paying for my housing and food, but it was a question I no longer wanted to answer at that point in my life.
  - deleted 5y ago
    [deleted]
  - grogenaut 5y ago
    Yeah I'm trying to figure out where I'm essentially asking the same things of him and putting pressure on him. But I've also been in completely hands off mode for the entire pandemic.
    - sergiomattei 5y ago
      This is my two cents, living at home with my parents full-time since the pandemic started. Living near them 24/7 made me reflect much about my behavior around them and my desire for independence. Living together can become rough when trying to get privacy and even small differences in opinion/lifestyle can turn into intoxicating moments. e.g. during breakfast my parents discuss their political opinions and I honestly disagree with all of them. I stay quiet to prevent controversy, but it’s one of those moments that ruin your morning. They’ve been very hands off as well, but some micro interactions can get grating over long periods of time. It’s just parenting stuff. TLDR: I’m extremely grateful for my parents and their unwavering support during the pandemic. We’ve grown closer together as a family and I wouldn’t trade that for anything. However, this experience reinforced my desire to move and forge my own path, away from them or their judgement. Hope my perspective helps a bit!
- deleted 5y ago
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aidenn0 5y ago
I went to college a 12 hour drive away from home, rather than something in-state for exactly this reason.

sergiomattei 5y ago

As someone in a similar situation as OP's son (although undergrad) and looking to move out... Independence and personal space MATTER, please consider how your son may feel about living close to you. It may hurt, but it's important to understand the mindset behind the decision.

leetcrew 5y ago
agreed. I moved out as soon as I could support myself. it wasn't because I hated my parents; they're pretty good as far as parents go. I feel like it's hard to actually be an adult when you live with your parents. as an example, my dad used to always ask when he could expect me home when I went out. not being nosy, he just had a certain "night lock up" routine for the house. it wasn't an unreasonable question to get from a man who was paying for my housing and food, but it was a question I no longer wanted to answer at that point in my life.
- deleted 5y ago
  [deleted]
- grogenaut 5y ago
  Yeah I'm trying to figure out where I'm essentially asking the same things of him and putting pressure on him. But I've also been in completely hands off mode for the entire pandemic.
  - sergiomattei 5y ago
    This is my two cents, living at home with my parents full-time since the pandemic started. Living near them 24/7 made me reflect much about my behavior around them and my desire for independence. Living together can become rough when trying to get privacy and even small differences in opinion/lifestyle can turn into intoxicating moments. e.g. during breakfast my parents discuss their political opinions and I honestly disagree with all of them. I stay quiet to prevent controversy, but it’s one of those moments that ruin your morning. They’ve been very hands off as well, but some micro interactions can get grating over long periods of time. It’s just parenting stuff. TLDR: I’m extremely grateful for my parents and their unwavering support during the pandemic. We’ve grown closer together as a family and I wouldn’t trade that for anything. However, this experience reinforced my desire to move and forge my own path, away from them or their judgement. Hope my perspective helps a bit!
deleted 5y ago
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aidenn0 5y ago

I went to college a 12 hour drive away from home, rather than something in-state for exactly this reason.