Don't take me in the wrong way, but to me it just looks to me you are lazy and very experienced at making excuses for yourself. Stop living inside your head an

Don't take me in the wrong way, but to me it just looks to me you are lazy and very experienced at making excuses for yourself. Stop living inside your head and instead just work to change the things that aren't working for you. It is very easy for me to say this, but in reality this is hard for you, because a lot of what you do are habits already. You need to be aware of it and possibly get professional help. If you haven't written much code, given that you have weekends, probably some free time, it's because of your excuses. It isn't because of your intelligence. A lot of programming jobs is about practice rather than intelligence. Honestly I'd go see a psychologist so they help you to understand your case better, but all I've seen that you've written raises big red flags for somebody that is letting their lives pass, not achieving what you wanted, with a lot of regret. I'd stop looking at this direction of going back to college, it seems to me you are just confused. I bet that if you would sort those things out, which will need plenty of time, we can't do this from one day to another, you'd figure out what you want to do.