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Found this to be a straightforward and interesting article. Not sure I've ever seen someone connect Tetlock's research to engineering planning before; I certain

Found this to be a straightforward and interesting article. Not sure I've ever seen someone connect Tetlock's research to engineering planning before; I certainly hadn't made the connection myself. I also appreciated the tip that instead of saying no to something, you can just add it to a "future work" section of lower-priority but definitely-still-very-important-i-promise-really-i-mean-it tasks and everyone will end up happy.

agbell 5y ago
Thanks for reading! Yeah, the future trick is kind of interesting because it solves the immediate problem and it allows people to feel like you heard their concerns and valued their advice. If that is what they are looking for then its a great solution. If they have spotted legit problems then you need to actually reassess things. I guess like everything it is very contingent on the environment. It worked in this specific context.
Nition 5y ago
From How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk (1980): > My husband and I took Jason and his older sister, Leslie, to the Museum of Natural History. We really enjoyed it, and the kids were just great. Only on the way out we had to pass a gift shop. Jason, our four-year-old, went wild over the souvenirs. Most of the stuff was overpriced, but we finally bought him a little set of rocks. Then he started whining for a model dinosaur. I tried to explain that we had already spent more than we should have. His father told him to quit his complaining and that he should be happy for what we did buy him. Jason began to cry. My husband told him to cut it out, and that he was acting like a baby. Jason threw himself on the floor and cried louder. > Everyone was looking at us. I was so embarrassed that I wanted the floor to open up. Then—I don’t know how the idea came to me—I pulled a pencil and paper out of my bag and started writing. Jason asked what I was doing. I said, “I’m writing that Jason wishes he had a dinosaur.” He stared at me and said, “And a prism, too.” I wrote, “A prism, too.” > Then he did something that bowled me over. He ran over to his sister, who was watching the whole scene, and said, “Leslie, tell Mommy what you want. She’ll write it down for you, too.” And would you believe it, that ended it. He went home very peacefully. > I’ve used the idea many times since. Whenever I’m in a toy store with Jason and he runs around pointing to everything he wants, I take out a pencil and a scrap of paper and write it all down on his “wish list.” That seems to satisfy him. And it doesn’t mean I have to buy any of the things for him—unless maybe it’s a special occasion. I guess what Jason likes about his “wish list” is that it shows that I not only know what he wants but that I care enough to put it in writing.
- Jemaclus 5y ago
  That's a great idea. I've unwittingly used similar techniques in the past. Now that I know it's a "real thing," I may have to start using it more. Thanks for sharing this!
  - lanstin 5y ago
    That book is full of such incredibly pragmatic tools for dealing with children ina respectful way without giving up on your own values.
  - rukuu001 5y ago
    Same, except now it's taking photos of the things kids want, instead of writing it down. (If it's customers, I just write it down)
- IlliOnato 5y ago
  This is just brilliant!
  - tomnipotent 5y ago
    The book is a must-read. I keep multiple copies to give away to anyone receptive. It has aged very well.
    - circlefavshape 5y ago
      +1 on this. Useful for improving communication with anyone, not just children
- tonyedgecombe 5y ago
  I do this to myself. Every time I want to buy something I stick it on my Amazon wish list. Then I forget about it. I almost never actually buy things on the wish list.
  - buzzwordninja 5y ago
kbenson 5y ago
Then you take a vacation, and find that one or more of the shadow banned feature requests have actually been started...
Jemaclus 5y ago
I've done this trick fairly often. Like many "tricks" in people management, it works until people figure it out, so you have to be a little careful with it. Nobody likes to feel manipulated. However, I've found that being really open and collaborative with people helps mitigate the manipulation factor by a significant margin. In other words, you get them to agree that the project is not the highest priority or the highest ROI thing to be working on. You ask: "Given the list of W, X, Y, and Z, and keeping in mind that we only have enough resources to tackle two of these at a time, do you think X is the most important?" and they say "Well, X would be cool but yeah, W and Z would give us the most ROI, so let's hold off on X and Y until we have more time and resources." The key is to be (or appear) really genuine with this. If it's obvious that you're kicking the can down the road because you don't want to do it, you won't win any friends or influence people. But if you can approach it with "I'd love to do X but the realities of our situation mean that we can't" in an authentic way, then you stand a much greater chance of having both sides walk away with a sense of accomplishment. They feel heard and valued, and you don't have to waste resources on something you don't think is a good idea. If you can't be authentic about that, then I would just go the truthful route of "This isn't going to happen" and try and just be honest about the realities of the situation. They might feel hurt and rejected, but it's better than them feeling manipulated, IMO.
- lostcolony 5y ago
  I take it one further. "Okay, let's sit down together and write out a story that fully defines what you're asking me to do". Half the time they won't bother. -Your- effort is free, but -their- effort has a cost. The other half of the time they will, because they care about it, and so it goes into the backlog, and they get to see what stuff takes precedence (and it's a legitimately good faith effort on my part to see it ranked appropriately, and that they feel informed as to what is coming ahead of it and why).
  - kfarr 5y ago
    Absolutely, I love this technique when the ask is clearly more complicated than they realize. I say let's schedule an hour to write out a spec, my calendar is open. Similar technique is to say yes I can do that but let's do it together on a screen share call and you can guide me through it. It's always a positive outcome -- either they withdraw the request or we collaborate positively together to make it happen and appropriately prioritize.

agbell 5y ago

Thanks for reading! Yeah, the future trick is kind of interesting because it solves the immediate problem and it allows people to feel like you heard their concerns and valued their advice. If that is what they are looking for then its a great solution. If they have spotted legit problems then you need to actually reassess things. I guess like everything it is very contingent on the environment. It worked in this specific context.

Nition 5y ago

From How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk (1980): > My husband and I took Jason and his older sister, Leslie, to the Museum of Natural History. We really enjoyed it, and the kids were just great. Only on the way out we had to pass a gift shop. Jason, our four-year-old, went wild over the souvenirs. Most of the stuff was overpriced, but we finally bought him a little set of rocks. Then he started whining for a model dinosaur. I tried to explain that we had already spent more than we should have. His father told him to quit his complaining and that he should be happy for what we did buy him. Jason began to cry. My husband told him to cut it out, and that he was acting like a baby. Jason threw himself on the floor and cried louder. > Everyone was looking at us. I was so embarrassed that I wanted the floor to open up. Then—I don’t know how the idea came to me—I pulled a pencil and paper out of my bag and started writing. Jason asked what I was doing. I said, “I’m writing that Jason wishes he had a dinosaur.” He stared at me and said, “And a prism, too.” I wrote, “A prism, too.” > Then he did something that bowled me over. He ran over to his sister, who was watching the whole scene, and said, “Leslie, tell Mommy what you want. She’ll write it down for you, too.” And would you believe it, that ended it. He went home very peacefully. > I’ve used the idea many times since. Whenever I’m in a toy store with Jason and he runs around pointing to everything he wants, I take out a pencil and a scrap of paper and write it all down on his “wish list.” That seems to satisfy him. And it doesn’t mean I have to buy any of the things for him—unless maybe it’s a special occasion. I guess what Jason likes about his “wish list” is that it shows that I not only know what he wants but that I care enough to put it in writing.

Jemaclus 5y ago
That's a great idea. I've unwittingly used similar techniques in the past. Now that I know it's a "real thing," I may have to start using it more. Thanks for sharing this!
- lanstin 5y ago
  That book is full of such incredibly pragmatic tools for dealing with children ina respectful way without giving up on your own values.
- rukuu001 5y ago
  Same, except now it's taking photos of the things kids want, instead of writing it down. (If it's customers, I just write it down)
IlliOnato 5y ago
This is just brilliant!
- tomnipotent 5y ago
  The book is a must-read. I keep multiple copies to give away to anyone receptive. It has aged very well.
  - circlefavshape 5y ago
    +1 on this. Useful for improving communication with anyone, not just children
tonyedgecombe 5y ago
I do this to myself. Every time I want to buy something I stick it on my Amazon wish list. Then I forget about it. I almost never actually buy things on the wish list.
- buzzwordninja 5y ago

kbenson 5y ago

Then you take a vacation, and find that one or more of the shadow banned feature requests have actually been started...

Jemaclus 5y ago

I've done this trick fairly often. Like many "tricks" in people management, it works until people figure it out, so you have to be a little careful with it. Nobody likes to feel manipulated. However, I've found that being really open and collaborative with people helps mitigate the manipulation factor by a significant margin. In other words, you get them to agree that the project is not the highest priority or the highest ROI thing to be working on. You ask: "Given the list of W, X, Y, and Z, and keeping in mind that we only have enough resources to tackle two of these at a time, do you think X is the most important?" and they say "Well, X would be cool but yeah, W and Z would give us the most ROI, so let's hold off on X and Y until we have more time and resources." The key is to be (or appear) really genuine with this. If it's obvious that you're kicking the can down the road because you don't want to do it, you won't win any friends or influence people. But if you can approach it with "I'd love to do X but the realities of our situation mean that we can't" in an authentic way, then you stand a much greater chance of having both sides walk away with a sense of accomplishment. They feel heard and valued, and you don't have to waste resources on something you don't think is a good idea. If you can't be authentic about that, then I would just go the truthful route of "This isn't going to happen" and try and just be honest about the realities of the situation. They might feel hurt and rejected, but it's better than them feeling manipulated, IMO.

lostcolony 5y ago
I take it one further. "Okay, let's sit down together and write out a story that fully defines what you're asking me to do". Half the time they won't bother. -Your- effort is free, but -their- effort has a cost. The other half of the time they will, because they care about it, and so it goes into the backlog, and they get to see what stuff takes precedence (and it's a legitimately good faith effort on my part to see it ranked appropriately, and that they feel informed as to what is coming ahead of it and why).
- kfarr 5y ago
  Absolutely, I love this technique when the ask is clearly more complicated than they realize. I say let's schedule an hour to write out a spec, my calendar is open. Similar technique is to say yes I can do that but let's do it together on a screen share call and you can guide me through it. It's always a positive outcome -- either they withdraw the request or we collaborate positively together to make it happen and appropriately prioritize.