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It has nothing to do with assault over the internet and everything to do with the way others perceive you. I would love to imagine I live in a world where it do

It has nothing to do with assault over the internet and everything to do with the way others perceive you. I would love to imagine I live in a world where it doesn't matter what chromosomes and sex organs you were born with, and really, I have kind of found that in the Cocoa developer community. That is why I enjoy talking to those people. But just /join an IRC channel with a female nickname. Play online games and talk with a female voice. Someone somewhere is going to make some kind of fuss over it and it is incredibly annoying. I like to do things like raid in WoW...and most raids want people to join ventrilo/mumble voice chat. I never talk unless a friend is in there with me or unless I hear another female voice. Period. I do not want to hear "IT'S A GIRL (or prepubescent boy)!! /whisper Can I see your tits?". So I may not care about hiding my gender on my google+ profile because it's mostly just a bunch of people that know me already some other way in circles, but there are definitely places where even my thick skinned attitude towards "tits or gtfo" can't help and I don't want anyone to know what I might be. I understand some people may think that about google+ and fully respect and support their desire for such a feature. I can't say I know the best way to deal with this problem, but I don't think it has as much to do with ignoring differences as much as it is not infusing our own gender biases into the way children think and learn about how to interact with each other. In a way, ambiguity can foster a sense of respect (or at least, caution). There is no other reason for me to be running around with gender ambiguous usernames on websites, IRC, chat, and more where I am interacting with people I don't know.

waterhouse 15y ago
As a random suggestion for the WOW raids, might it be possible to use software to distort your voice so that it sounds male (or at least androgynous)? Come to think of it, even males might want to do that so they can have, like, a really deep voice that sounds like the big heavy warrior character they're playing, or maybe an old gravelly voice if they're playing a wizard--or a female voice if their character is female, for that matter. Does anyone else think that would be a cool idea?
- silencio 15y ago
  I've considered it! I used to play with someone that liked doing that to poke fun at someone else who had one of the deepest voices I had ever heard, too. I think the problem would lie in that the distortions might make it harder to understand someone. The primary goal of talking is to draw attention to a problem or strategy, not to make it harder to understand someone. Hard enough time doing that with accents and varied dialects and fluency of English :( Usually when I am in a situation where I don't want to talk, I just say that I'm listening but I don't have a mic. It's usually not a problem because I type fast enough that I can yell in text without needing to pause playing my character.
  - klipt 15y ago
    There is free (as in beer) software to change the pitch of voices: http://www.screamingbee.com/product/MorphVOXJunior.aspx http://www.screamingbee.com/product/MorphVOXJunior.aspx
MostAwesomeDude 15y ago
As an experiment, I spent nearly two years in a community of people my age (16-25, mostly 18-20) of all genders, advertising myself as a girl and communicating in a relatively gender-neutral way. I marked my gender as "Other" and only claimed to be a girl when queried directly, with the response "I'm a girl." My experience was that girls seek the camaraderie of other girls online, and tend to be more aggressive about privately establishing lines of communication outside chat rooms, but otherwise there's very little difference in the way that people act towards people that they suspect to be girls online. Notably, there were just as many sexual or suggestive advances from women as there were from men. The punchline, of course, is convincing people that "MostAwesomeDude" is a girl, but that's not exactly magic.
- silencio 15y ago
  I have had that experience in some communities. I have not in others. Like I said, the Cocoa developer community? I have a hard time thinking of the last time I had a problem with someone. Online gaming? It happens half the time I open my mouth to talk. Sometimes it's just honest surprise, like a guy I know that was shocked the person he talked to occasionally over text and had respect for being pretty good at what I played was female the whole time. Most times it's just someone being an idiot. Usually the latter seems to be because there is some kind of anonymity involved (see also: http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2004/3/19/ http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2004/3/19/). It's one thing to be `YouJustGotOwned` in a game or `foobar` on irc, it's another to be talking from a twitter account that is associated with your name, company and professional reputation, for example. > Notably, there were just as many sexual or suggestive advances from women as there were from men. Well, two things: 1. I never claimed women weren't capable of doing that. I have participated in female-majority communities where the men were hit on and treated badly, and I didn't like it. Everyone needs to treat others with respect as much as possible. 2. A big part in whether or not that is acceptable behavior from anybody is if the other person is/people are okay with it. I feel okay flirting and hitting on others when I know the interest is mutual, and I don't feel bad doing it. I can be as sexually suggestive and crude as I want in front of friends and people I know. What is distasteful is doing this to someone that doesn't want any part of it. What is also distasteful is misreading someone's behavior as implicit permission to do things like hit on them. > otherwise there's very little difference in the way that people act towards people that they suspect to be girls online I like to subscribe to the theory that the vast majority of people are somewhat reasonable. Most of the time there isn't a difference and that is where I'm perfectly fine being open about who/what I am. It's definitely a small minority (and partially due to selection bias) that can cause headaches though, and they're not always obvious or in public. That doesn't mean they don't exist.

waterhouse 15y ago

As a random suggestion for the WOW raids, might it be possible to use software to distort your voice so that it sounds male (or at least androgynous)? Come to think of it, even males might want to do that so they can have, like, a really deep voice that sounds like the big heavy warrior character they're playing, or maybe an old gravelly voice if they're playing a wizard--or a female voice if their character is female, for that matter. Does anyone else think that would be a cool idea?

silencio 15y ago
I've considered it! I used to play with someone that liked doing that to poke fun at someone else who had one of the deepest voices I had ever heard, too. I think the problem would lie in that the distortions might make it harder to understand someone. The primary goal of talking is to draw attention to a problem or strategy, not to make it harder to understand someone. Hard enough time doing that with accents and varied dialects and fluency of English :( Usually when I am in a situation where I don't want to talk, I just say that I'm listening but I don't have a mic. It's usually not a problem because I type fast enough that I can yell in text without needing to pause playing my character.
- klipt 15y ago
  There is free (as in beer) software to change the pitch of voices: http://www.screamingbee.com/product/MorphVOXJunior.aspx http://www.screamingbee.com/product/MorphVOXJunior.aspx

MostAwesomeDude 15y ago

As an experiment, I spent nearly two years in a community of people my age (16-25, mostly 18-20) of all genders, advertising myself as a girl and communicating in a relatively gender-neutral way. I marked my gender as "Other" and only claimed to be a girl when queried directly, with the response "I'm a girl." My experience was that girls seek the camaraderie of other girls online, and tend to be more aggressive about privately establishing lines of communication outside chat rooms, but otherwise there's very little difference in the way that people act towards people that they suspect to be girls online. Notably, there were just as many sexual or suggestive advances from women as there were from men. The punchline, of course, is convincing people that "MostAwesomeDude" is a girl, but that's not exactly magic.

silencio 15y ago
I have had that experience in some communities. I have not in others. Like I said, the Cocoa developer community? I have a hard time thinking of the last time I had a problem with someone. Online gaming? It happens half the time I open my mouth to talk. Sometimes it's just honest surprise, like a guy I know that was shocked the person he talked to occasionally over text and had respect for being pretty good at what I played was female the whole time. Most times it's just someone being an idiot. Usually the latter seems to be because there is some kind of anonymity involved (see also: http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2004/3/19/ http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2004/3/19/). It's one thing to be `YouJustGotOwned` in a game or `foobar` on irc, it's another to be talking from a twitter account that is associated with your name, company and professional reputation, for example. > Notably, there were just as many sexual or suggestive advances from women as there were from men. Well, two things: 1. I never claimed women weren't capable of doing that. I have participated in female-majority communities where the men were hit on and treated badly, and I didn't like it. Everyone needs to treat others with respect as much as possible. 2. A big part in whether or not that is acceptable behavior from anybody is if the other person is/people are okay with it. I feel okay flirting and hitting on others when I know the interest is mutual, and I don't feel bad doing it. I can be as sexually suggestive and crude as I want in front of friends and people I know. What is distasteful is doing this to someone that doesn't want any part of it. What is also distasteful is misreading someone's behavior as implicit permission to do things like hit on them. > otherwise there's very little difference in the way that people act towards people that they suspect to be girls online I like to subscribe to the theory that the vast majority of people are somewhat reasonable. Most of the time there isn't a difference and that is where I'm perfectly fine being open about who/what I am. It's definitely a small minority (and partially due to selection bias) that can cause headaches though, and they're not always obvious or in public. That doesn't mean they don't exist.