4 ms·

It definitely wasn't just words to my new college friends as the stories are bad but not so extreme that one can't imagine having such an experience. But as a w

It definitely wasn't just words to my new college friends as the stories are bad but not so extreme that one can't imagine having such an experience. But as a way to form closer friendships it failed. It was the first time I ever felt someone pitied me. That oddly made me feel ashamed. I'd question if a woman can ever really be attracted to man they pity or a man who has been sexually abused, for example.

agumonkey 5y ago
I kinda see what you mean, you don't want that kind of bond with others, you want a more honorable role somehow ? Or maybe you expect too much of yourself and thought "I should have made my life better earlier" ? The woman aspect I can't answer, every psychology can be different, some will never love with pity, some may only love with pity (I for instance, have a mental block on loving someone just because of fun times.. as if it's not enough somehow)
watwut 5y ago
Basically, you used abuse as a shared bonding experience with other kids in the same position. That probably created strong bonds. But that benefit went away when you talked with non-abused people. For whatever it is worth, the normalization of abuse is one of negative aspects that keeps influencing people long after. Kids that were abused can grow to think it is normal which then leads to them directly into abusive relationships as adults. > I'd question if a woman can ever really be attracted to man they pity or a man who has been sexually abused, for example. Why? This seem more related to gender roles or blaming yourself for abuse. Or you think that being sexually abused transforms men? Or it is purely about womens lack of capacity to be into someone vulnerable?
- Jiocus 5y ago
  > Why? This seem more related to gender roles or blaming yourself for abuse. Or you think that being sexually abused transforms men? Or it is purely about womens lack of capacity to be into someone vulnerable? I believe the author just shared their own instinctive reaction to the event. Shame is a mechanism of our cultural and moral foundation, often tightly integrated with the roles (indeed by gender) and expectations set out for us. We may be able to reflect on their merits, and what causes shame varies in place and time but it's seldom voluntary to experience shame.

agumonkey 5y ago

I kinda see what you mean, you don't want that kind of bond with others, you want a more honorable role somehow ? Or maybe you expect too much of yourself and thought "I should have made my life better earlier" ? The woman aspect I can't answer, every psychology can be different, some will never love with pity, some may only love with pity (I for instance, have a mental block on loving someone just because of fun times.. as if it's not enough somehow)

watwut 5y ago

Basically, you used abuse as a shared bonding experience with other kids in the same position. That probably created strong bonds. But that benefit went away when you talked with non-abused people. For whatever it is worth, the normalization of abuse is one of negative aspects that keeps influencing people long after. Kids that were abused can grow to think it is normal which then leads to them directly into abusive relationships as adults. > I'd question if a woman can ever really be attracted to man they pity or a man who has been sexually abused, for example. Why? This seem more related to gender roles or blaming yourself for abuse. Or you think that being sexually abused transforms men? Or it is purely about womens lack of capacity to be into someone vulnerable?

Jiocus 5y ago
> Why? This seem more related to gender roles or blaming yourself for abuse. Or you think that being sexually abused transforms men? Or it is purely about womens lack of capacity to be into someone vulnerable? I believe the author just shared their own instinctive reaction to the event. Shame is a mechanism of our cultural and moral foundation, often tightly integrated with the roles (indeed by gender) and expectations set out for us. We may be able to reflect on their merits, and what causes shame varies in place and time but it's seldom voluntary to experience shame.