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From how I understand the post, it's about the disconnect between human nature and modern relations (personal, romantic, professional, etc) As humans we have a

From how I understand the post, it's about the disconnect between human nature and modern relations (personal, romantic, professional, etc) As humans we have a limit to how much rejection we can process in a healthy way. It varies from person to person, some can process things pretty quickly while others (like myself) quickly reach a breaking point This becomes an issue, when (as the author points out), we try to rationalise people's emotional response away ("you're overreacting"). The author points out that rejection doesn't happen in a vacuum and the cumulative effect of these can have profound negative effect on people. This means that what might seem like a disproportionate emotional response to being rejected, in actuality is proportional to the cumulative build up of multiple rejections over time Personal take: I agree with the author on the unhealthy nature of framing such emotional responses as a failure of the individual. This is especially true for the large part of the population who's neurodivergent I myself have ADHD, and rejection sensitivity is something that I have to spend a lot of energy on, since I have to make sure I'm able to withstand a large emotional response, when I think I'm being rejected The cumulative effect of a significant amount of rejection over the years combined with emotional dysregulation can result in me feeling actual physical pain because my emotional response is so intense Advise like "you just need to not take it personal" is damaging, because it doesn't address the fact that feelings are out of our control - just like telling someone who's having an anxiety attack that "there's nothing to be afraid of" is missing the point of what is going on and is actually harmful to the person experiencing it The post doesn't provide any solutions to this problem, but I think that acknowledging that this is an issue, might be a good start in any case

ilovefood 5y ago
I get your point and thank you very much for taking the time to write a detailed answer for me. Put like this it makes a whole lot of sense now, I was maybe just distracted by the examples the author brought in which confused me. It really shows that there's a spectrum of possible ways on how to deal with rejection that I am not aware of. I never took rejection personally but in contrary saw it as a challenge. Maybe that helps to frame why I wrote my initial question. I agree that it's tirening to have to work twice or 3 times as hard as others for the same result and having more roadblocks on the way (metaphor for rejection) but one thing that is sure to me, I never really gave any importance to emotional rejection because that one is very subjective and I don't understand why people think how they think. I might lack the emotional intelligence? The one that might have challenged me the most was rejection at work or rejection for just having a foreign name or foreign face because the latter is a checklist with all the marks ticked but still, something didn't quite fit completely.
deleted 5y ago
[deleted]
ricopags 5y ago
Autism and ADHD both can be sources of something called Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria[0] which is, in my experience, one of the most seriously socially damaging aspects of ADHD. Fairly new field of study but there is some evidence that low doses of guanfacine and clonidine can offer help. More research needs to be done, but it appears to be genetic and neurological and not, as some may intuit, sourced in trauma. [0]https://www.additudemag.com/rejection-sensitive-dysphoria-and-adhd/ https://www.additudemag.com/rejection-sensitive-dysphoria-an...
- nonbirithm 5y ago
  Please note that "Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria" is not a medically standardized term. It was coined by an ADHD specialist and it appears he was the only real person promoting its usage. https://psychology.stackexchange.com/questions/12583/what-is-the-relationship-between-rejection-sensitive-dysphoria-and-adhd https://psychology.stackexchange.com/questions/12583/what-is... After I discovered this I usually labeled the qualities in myself as general social anxiety, or just "being bad at making friends or social situations." I wanted to believe that labelling every negative aspect of myself would help me understand my problems better, but it seems like it just made the appearance of those traits feel justified to me. I've had to discipline myself not to take the easy way out and use the labels as excuses or explanations for my regrettable behavior when I already know of techniques or medicine to treat that behavior that have worked in the past. Learned helplessness has been pervasive throughout my entire life.
  - hiram112 5y ago
    "Rejection sensitivity" is a term that has been around for decades within the psychiatric community. It used to be one of the main symptoms used to distinguish typical depression from "atypical" or neurotic depression, and patients who suffer severely from it usually do bettrr on older medications like MAOIs instead of modern SSRIs. Interestingly, severe social anxiety will often only be helped by MAOIs.

ilovefood 5y ago

I get your point and thank you very much for taking the time to write a detailed answer for me. Put like this it makes a whole lot of sense now, I was maybe just distracted by the examples the author brought in which confused me. It really shows that there's a spectrum of possible ways on how to deal with rejection that I am not aware of. I never took rejection personally but in contrary saw it as a challenge. Maybe that helps to frame why I wrote my initial question. I agree that it's tirening to have to work twice or 3 times as hard as others for the same result and having more roadblocks on the way (metaphor for rejection) but one thing that is sure to me, I never really gave any importance to emotional rejection because that one is very subjective and I don't understand why people think how they think. I might lack the emotional intelligence? The one that might have challenged me the most was rejection at work or rejection for just having a foreign name or foreign face because the latter is a checklist with all the marks ticked but still, something didn't quite fit completely.

deleted 5y ago

[deleted]

ricopags 5y ago

Autism and ADHD both can be sources of something called Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria[0] which is, in my experience, one of the most seriously socially damaging aspects of ADHD. Fairly new field of study but there is some evidence that low doses of guanfacine and clonidine can offer help. More research needs to be done, but it appears to be genetic and neurological and not, as some may intuit, sourced in trauma. [0]https://www.additudemag.com/rejection-sensitive-dysphoria-and-adhd/ https://www.additudemag.com/rejection-sensitive-dysphoria-an...

nonbirithm 5y ago
Please note that "Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria" is not a medically standardized term. It was coined by an ADHD specialist and it appears he was the only real person promoting its usage. https://psychology.stackexchange.com/questions/12583/what-is-the-relationship-between-rejection-sensitive-dysphoria-and-adhd https://psychology.stackexchange.com/questions/12583/what-is... After I discovered this I usually labeled the qualities in myself as general social anxiety, or just "being bad at making friends or social situations." I wanted to believe that labelling every negative aspect of myself would help me understand my problems better, but it seems like it just made the appearance of those traits feel justified to me. I've had to discipline myself not to take the easy way out and use the labels as excuses or explanations for my regrettable behavior when I already know of techniques or medicine to treat that behavior that have worked in the past. Learned helplessness has been pervasive throughout my entire life.
- hiram112 5y ago
  "Rejection sensitivity" is a term that has been around for decades within the psychiatric community. It used to be one of the main symptoms used to distinguish typical depression from "atypical" or neurotic depression, and patients who suffer severely from it usually do bettrr on older medications like MAOIs instead of modern SSRIs. Interestingly, severe social anxiety will often only be helped by MAOIs.