3 ms·

One bad advice I hear is "get over it" or "you will get over it". Why would anyone do that? You lost somebody you cared about, why would you get over them? You

by GoToRO 5y ago

One bad advice I hear is "get over it" or "you will get over it". Why would anyone do that? You lost somebody you cared about, why would you get over them? Your loved one will always be with you, in your memories, in your life experiences. If you get a smile while thinking of the things you did together, then they are not really dead.

mewpmewp2 5y ago
Getting over it means simply that it wouldn't be a constant cause of sorrow or a daily life disruptor for you. "Get over it" seems just harsh in this context as if trying to rush someone, but "you will get over it" depending on the wording, while seemingly obvious advice should remind you that as time goes on the bad feelings will affect you less and less. This in no way should mean that you should actually forget that the person existed, but more like to be "okay" with it, and accept it. You are not getting over the person like in a break up, you are getting over the fact that they died. The "it" refers to the event and being okay with it.
3np 5y ago
You can have love without attachment. “Getting over it” means overcoming attachment, regret, and loss. It doesn’t mean forgetting or loss of significance. Similar to how with things in the future or present, you can care without worrying.
ndepoel 5y ago
As someone who has lost a close friend 15 years ago and a father 5 years ago, both way prematurely, I can confidently agree: you don't get over it. Instead, you learn to live with it. Their absence becomes a part of your life. The pain and sense of loss never goes away, but it becomes bearable as you gradually accept the reality. As for how to deal with it, that is different for every person. Some people prefer to dive deep into their work to take their mind off things. When my father died, it was the other way round for me: I felt I needed time and space to deal with the consequences, both practically and emotionally. Work felt like a distraction that I really couldn't use at the time, so I more or less stopped working for several months. Clearing out my father's possessions, selling his apartment and dealing with the inheritance was part of the grieving process. By the time all that was done we were nearly half a year further along, and I felt ready to start picking up my life again. Even so, many years later I'll still get tears welling up whenever I think back on that period, and I'll never not wish that my father was still here and that I could have shared with him everything that has happened in the meantime.
deleted 5y ago
[deleted]
playpause 5y ago
Are you sure this is something you hear? I can honestly say I’ve never heard anyone say “get over it” or “you’ll get over it” in relation to a bereavement. Ever.
IanCal 5y ago
There are a few interpretations but I think you are mixing "getting over it" and "getting over them". Getting over the death is very different to getting over the person. >Your loved one will always be with you, in your memories, in your life experiences. If you get a smile while thinking of the things you did together, then they are not really dead. Exactly, this is the point you can get to when you are able to get over their death - you can remember the experiences rather than just experiencing grief.

by GoToRO 5y ago

mewpmewp2 5y ago

Getting over it means simply that it wouldn't be a constant cause of sorrow or a daily life disruptor for you. "Get over it" seems just harsh in this context as if trying to rush someone, but "you will get over it" depending on the wording, while seemingly obvious advice should remind you that as time goes on the bad feelings will affect you less and less. This in no way should mean that you should actually forget that the person existed, but more like to be "okay" with it, and accept it. You are not getting over the person like in a break up, you are getting over the fact that they died. The "it" refers to the event and being okay with it.

3np 5y ago

You can have love without attachment. “Getting over it” means overcoming attachment, regret, and loss. It doesn’t mean forgetting or loss of significance. Similar to how with things in the future or present, you can care without worrying.

ndepoel 5y ago

As someone who has lost a close friend 15 years ago and a father 5 years ago, both way prematurely, I can confidently agree: you don't get over it. Instead, you learn to live with it. Their absence becomes a part of your life. The pain and sense of loss never goes away, but it becomes bearable as you gradually accept the reality. As for how to deal with it, that is different for every person. Some people prefer to dive deep into their work to take their mind off things. When my father died, it was the other way round for me: I felt I needed time and space to deal with the consequences, both practically and emotionally. Work felt like a distraction that I really couldn't use at the time, so I more or less stopped working for several months. Clearing out my father's possessions, selling his apartment and dealing with the inheritance was part of the grieving process. By the time all that was done we were nearly half a year further along, and I felt ready to start picking up my life again. Even so, many years later I'll still get tears welling up whenever I think back on that period, and I'll never not wish that my father was still here and that I could have shared with him everything that has happened in the meantime.

deleted 5y ago

[deleted]

playpause 5y ago

Are you sure this is something you hear? I can honestly say I’ve never heard anyone say “get over it” or “you’ll get over it” in relation to a bereavement. Ever.

IanCal 5y ago

There are a few interpretations but I think you are mixing "getting over it" and "getting over them". Getting over the death is very different to getting over the person. >Your loved one will always be with you, in your memories, in your life experiences. If you get a smile while thinking of the things you did together, then they are not really dead. Exactly, this is the point you can get to when you are able to get over their death - you can remember the experiences rather than just experiencing grief.