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I hope this doesn’t come off belittling but my only reaction to reading this is that some people can find a reason to get upset over anything.

beebeepka 5y ago
I don't believe you. How are you is almost never an honest question and you know it
aspaviento 5y ago
Exactly my thoughts. One thing is to expect some understanding from people (and specially friends) but another thing is to expect them to be mind readers. People have their own lives and if you don't express your needs, unless they are very obvious, you shouldn't blame them for not taking them into consideration. @geocrasher seems to not realize that the people around he/she could be taking a cautious position to avoid getting into his/her business without it being requested.
ido 5y ago
I independently had the same thoughts as geocrasher during similar experiences (and haven't told my friends the question annoys me), and I would say your reaction is uncharitable. Just because you can't relate doesn't mean "some people can find a reason to get upset over anything".
- lotsofpulp 5y ago
  I have the same reaction as jwilber. If I think you are in a healthy state of mind, then “let me know if you need (or want) anything” is sufficient initiative. Even if you are my kid/SO/parents/siblings.
  - perl4ever 5y ago
    I would put it this way - in my way of thinking and cultural assumptions, any given relationship, close or not, one has a sense of whether asking favors is possible, and what sort are reasonable. Or else a sense of uncertainty about it. The statement "let me know if you need anything" has a different meaning depending on what it was reasonable to ask already. It adds no information, due to the meaning of "anything" being entirely contextual. If I know that they know that the relationship is fairly close, affirming it is a nice thing to do, especially if I'm feeling badly. But if the relationship is not so close and/or I'm uncertain whether it's appropriate to ask a favor, I can imagine feeling antagonized by the form of an offer which is not really an offer or clarification of where we stand. If there is ambiguity, there remains ambiguity, is how I see it.
    - lotsofpulp 5y ago
      > The statement "let me know if you need anything" has a different meaning depending on what it was reasonable to ask already. That’s the purpose of the statement. The person you’re saying it to should have a vague idea of what is a reasonable ask depending on relationship, and if not, they will just get denied. But it is genuine. If I’m at a store, and my coworker asks me to grab a pack of gum, I’ll do it. If they ask me to go to a store 15 min away for something, I’m going to say no, but they probably would not ask me that anyway. But if a close family member asks, I would go to the different store.

beebeepka 5y ago

I don't believe you. How are you is almost never an honest question and you know it

aspaviento 5y ago

Exactly my thoughts. One thing is to expect some understanding from people (and specially friends) but another thing is to expect them to be mind readers. People have their own lives and if you don't express your needs, unless they are very obvious, you shouldn't blame them for not taking them into consideration. @geocrasher seems to not realize that the people around he/she could be taking a cautious position to avoid getting into his/her business without it being requested.

ido 5y ago

I independently had the same thoughts as geocrasher during similar experiences (and haven't told my friends the question annoys me), and I would say your reaction is uncharitable. Just because you can't relate doesn't mean "some people can find a reason to get upset over anything".

lotsofpulp 5y ago
I have the same reaction as jwilber. If I think you are in a healthy state of mind, then “let me know if you need (or want) anything” is sufficient initiative. Even if you are my kid/SO/parents/siblings.
- perl4ever 5y ago
  I would put it this way - in my way of thinking and cultural assumptions, any given relationship, close or not, one has a sense of whether asking favors is possible, and what sort are reasonable. Or else a sense of uncertainty about it. The statement "let me know if you need anything" has a different meaning depending on what it was reasonable to ask already. It adds no information, due to the meaning of "anything" being entirely contextual. If I know that they know that the relationship is fairly close, affirming it is a nice thing to do, especially if I'm feeling badly. But if the relationship is not so close and/or I'm uncertain whether it's appropriate to ask a favor, I can imagine feeling antagonized by the form of an offer which is not really an offer or clarification of where we stand. If there is ambiguity, there remains ambiguity, is how I see it.
  - lotsofpulp 5y ago
    > The statement "let me know if you need anything" has a different meaning depending on what it was reasonable to ask already. That’s the purpose of the statement. The person you’re saying it to should have a vague idea of what is a reasonable ask depending on relationship, and if not, they will just get denied. But it is genuine. If I’m at a store, and my coworker asks me to grab a pack of gum, I’ll do it. If they ask me to go to a store 15 min away for something, I’m going to say no, but they probably would not ask me that anyway. But if a close family member asks, I would go to the different store.