6 ms·

When my wife was dying (she has since passed away) and nobody could figure out her illness, she'd be in the most wretched pain, in the ER again, and she'd be re

When my wife was dying (she has since passed away) and nobody could figure out her illness, she'd be in the most wretched pain, in the ER again, and she'd be retching awfully and almost uncontrollably. A doctor would walk in, having heard of all this already and ask "How are you?" Sometimes she gave them the benefit of the doubt, and sometimes she was a bit less charitable. My point? Americans (as she was), Russians, Ukrainians, Latvians, Japanese, Kurdish, Bolivians, Icelandians, Koreans, Germans, Chinese, Scottish, Irish, Australians, Austrians, Swiss, South Africans, Egyptians, Mixolydians, Bohemians, and even Canadians all agree one one thing: Being asked "How are you?" is the LAST thing somebody wants to hear when they are suffering.

You_All_R_Cunts 5y ago
Lol, whats the point? Don't ask how people are?
iJohnDoe 5y ago
I’m very sorry to hear that, for both you and your wife. I hope any healthcare for your wife was eventually able to manage her pain and make her at least comfortable.
- geocrasher 5y ago
  Thank you. For the most part she was, but it was a pretty awful thing that happened so there was only so much that could be done. But I appreciate it. The last year of her life saw her getting the best care she'd ever had. Unfortunately, it was hospice care. But it was in home, and my adult daughter and I took care of her til the end.
sunshineforever 5y ago
I have a difficult life and I'm growing very tired of this question. I've even had to ask some of my neighbors not to greet me that way.
- geocrasher 5y ago
  Indeed. People do not realize how destructive it is. The other one that really irks me is "let me know if you need anything!" 1) You are putting it on me to tell you that I need something, right in the middle of my need. 2) If you're my real friend you don't need to say that, I already know I can call you 24/7/365 3) Your willingness to help is nulled by your lack of initiative. The best thing anyone ever did was call me and say "I'm at Costco. What do you need? And don't say 'nothing'. I'm going to bring you something, and that's that." That whole pizza and frozen burritos were bad for me, but the last thing I needed on my mind at that time was cooking. And that's what true friends are there for. So don't say "If you need anything let me know!" It's borderline passive aggressive.
  - jwilber 5y ago
    I hope this doesn’t come off belittling but my only reaction to reading this is that some people can find a reason to get upset over anything.
    - beebeepka 5y ago
      I don't believe you. How are you is almost never an honest question and you know it
    - aspaviento 5y ago
      Exactly my thoughts. One thing is to expect some understanding from people (and specially friends) but another thing is to expect them to be mind readers. People have their own lives and if you don't express your needs, unless they are very obvious, you shouldn't blame them for not taking them into consideration. @geocrasher seems to not realize that the people around he/she could be taking a cautious position to avoid getting into his/her business without it being requested.
    - ido 5y ago
      I independently had the same thoughts as geocrasher during similar experiences (and haven't told my friends the question annoys me), and I would say your reaction is uncharitable. Just because you can't relate doesn't mean "some people can find a reason to get upset over anything".
cycomanic 5y ago
But in this you can also see the difference between an American and many others. I find the "how are you greeting" very tiring nomatter how I am. When I am being asked the question I internally go through an assessment of, how am I today, how interested is the person, how much do I want to share of this. It takes significant mental effort. When I was a teenager I did a one year high school exchange to the US and for a long time I really struggled with the daily "what's up?". I was going through the above internal dialogue more than 10 times a day struggling to come up with an answer. Even, when I learned to just answer "yeah what's up" internally the dialogue would often still be triggered.
volume 5y ago
maybe it's a trick because there is no you? You know, the idea of "no self" or non-duality: Sam Harris https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fajfkO_X0l0 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fajfkO_X0l0 Paul Hedderman https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S2T9e-uW1Dc https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S2T9e-uW1Dc

You_All_R_Cunts 5y ago

Lol, whats the point? Don't ask how people are?

iJohnDoe 5y ago

I’m very sorry to hear that, for both you and your wife. I hope any healthcare for your wife was eventually able to manage her pain and make her at least comfortable.

geocrasher 5y ago
Thank you. For the most part she was, but it was a pretty awful thing that happened so there was only so much that could be done. But I appreciate it. The last year of her life saw her getting the best care she'd ever had. Unfortunately, it was hospice care. But it was in home, and my adult daughter and I took care of her til the end.

sunshineforever 5y ago

I have a difficult life and I'm growing very tired of this question. I've even had to ask some of my neighbors not to greet me that way.

geocrasher 5y ago
Indeed. People do not realize how destructive it is. The other one that really irks me is "let me know if you need anything!" 1) You are putting it on me to tell you that I need something, right in the middle of my need. 2) If you're my real friend you don't need to say that, I already know I can call you 24/7/365 3) Your willingness to help is nulled by your lack of initiative. The best thing anyone ever did was call me and say "I'm at Costco. What do you need? And don't say 'nothing'. I'm going to bring you something, and that's that." That whole pizza and frozen burritos were bad for me, but the last thing I needed on my mind at that time was cooking. And that's what true friends are there for. So don't say "If you need anything let me know!" It's borderline passive aggressive.
- jwilber 5y ago
  I hope this doesn’t come off belittling but my only reaction to reading this is that some people can find a reason to get upset over anything.
  - beebeepka 5y ago
    I don't believe you. How are you is almost never an honest question and you know it
  - aspaviento 5y ago
    Exactly my thoughts. One thing is to expect some understanding from people (and specially friends) but another thing is to expect them to be mind readers. People have their own lives and if you don't express your needs, unless they are very obvious, you shouldn't blame them for not taking them into consideration. @geocrasher seems to not realize that the people around he/she could be taking a cautious position to avoid getting into his/her business without it being requested.
  - ido 5y ago
    I independently had the same thoughts as geocrasher during similar experiences (and haven't told my friends the question annoys me), and I would say your reaction is uncharitable. Just because you can't relate doesn't mean "some people can find a reason to get upset over anything".

cycomanic 5y ago

But in this you can also see the difference between an American and many others. I find the "how are you greeting" very tiring nomatter how I am. When I am being asked the question I internally go through an assessment of, how am I today, how interested is the person, how much do I want to share of this. It takes significant mental effort. When I was a teenager I did a one year high school exchange to the US and for a long time I really struggled with the daily "what's up?". I was going through the above internal dialogue more than 10 times a day struggling to come up with an answer. Even, when I learned to just answer "yeah what's up" internally the dialogue would often still be triggered.

volume 5y ago

maybe it's a trick because there is no you? You know, the idea of "no self" or non-duality: Sam Harris https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fajfkO_X0l0 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fajfkO_X0l0 Paul Hedderman https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S2T9e-uW1Dc https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S2T9e-uW1Dc