8 ms·

I wrote a layoff database for Nortel Networks from ~1998 to 2001. The way I got my notice of termination was while I was running some tests on the production d

I wrote a layoff database for Nortel Networks from ~1998 to 2001. The way I got my notice of termination was while I was running some tests on the production database and needed a "negative" so I searched for a userid that was not present in the database: my own. When I saw my name in the list I called my manager and asked him what was going on. He said "Alex, why don't you head on home for the day and I'll call you there" I wouldn't say "hurt" though. Nortel went bankrupt and I got a great severance package.

prox 5y ago
Ouch... and what are the odds!
- yaitsyaboi 5y ago
  What are the odds of being laid off if your boss asks you to write something called a layoff database?
  - flear 5y ago
    "Why me?" "You're more than qualified for this task."
    - deleted 5y ago
      [deleted]
  - bryanrasmussen 5y ago
    normally I'd think not very high, at least until the first round of layoffs are done and any potential bugs with the database/application have been worked out.
  - inopinatus 5y ago
    Writing the tool to fire yourself is definitely a level up from merely being asked to train your replacement.
  - Agathos 5y ago
    “We anticipate this being the last round of layoffs so we won’t need a layoff db guy any more.”
bijant 5y ago
DELETE FROM LayoffDB WHERE EmployeeName='Alex';
- toomuchtodo 5y ago
  This is what triggers are for :) “Some say Alex is still collecting a check to this day.”
- aoms 5y ago
  BobbyTables would do well here..
mypalmike 5y ago
Echoes of Office Space right there. Did you happen to have a red stapler?
- sneak 5y ago
  Fun fact: Swingline never made a red stapler, the one in Office Space was a prop produced for the film by the production crew. Office Space popularized it to the point where Swingline actually started producing red staplers after the release of the film to capitalize on the demand.
  - OJFord 5y ago
    But.. I was told..
    - sneak 5y ago
      Just pass.
ibudiallo 5y ago
... as part of the bankruptcy proceedings they sold the technology to a bigger company. A developer improved the application by automating it. It could now send emails to the right departments automatically. The developer entered his own email as a test and was promptly fired by the new software. Everyone who worked on the machine are now gone, yet it continues to do what it was designed for. That is until I found myself on the path of the machine... Just kidding, but it would make a great origin story to this: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=17350645 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=17350645
blablabla123 5y ago
> why don't you head on home for the day and I'll call you there? As non-native English speaker this expression really puzzles me.
- cedricd 5y ago
  In other words: please go home and I'll call you. 'Head on home' is a real expression. Similar ones are 'head over there', 'head to ...', all of which just mean 'go to'.
  - toolslive 5y ago
    is that a pars pro toto?
    - shoemakersteve 5y ago
      no that's latin
    - FabHK 5y ago
      No. It's not "take your head home", with your head (a noun) being the part standing in for the whole, namely you. Rather, "to head" is a verb that means (among other things) "to move in a specific direction". For example, an aircraft could be heading north.
      - hnbad 5y ago
        Isn't "take your head home" pars pro toto given that it means "take yourself home" with the head (pars) standing in for (pro) the person (toto)?
        FabHK 5y ago
        Yes, "take your head home" would be pars pro toto, but it is not something people usually say (in particularly, that's not what GP (or GGP or whatever) said).
    - 5y ago
aoms 5y ago
This is a great example of how companies really are. Nobody is important enough in the end. Work for a company for what you get from them, not for what you can give them!
kanzenryu2 5y ago
One of the only bankruptcies in history to make a profit! I worked for the Australian subsidiary in the 90s when they had "Vision 2000" of becoming the world's third largest telco by 2000.
shoo 5y ago
live by the layoff db, die by the layoff db

prox 5y ago

Ouch... and what are the odds!

yaitsyaboi 5y ago
What are the odds of being laid off if your boss asks you to write something called a layoff database?
- flear 5y ago
  "Why me?" "You're more than qualified for this task."
  - deleted 5y ago
    [deleted]
- bryanrasmussen 5y ago
  normally I'd think not very high, at least until the first round of layoffs are done and any potential bugs with the database/application have been worked out.
- inopinatus 5y ago
  Writing the tool to fire yourself is definitely a level up from merely being asked to train your replacement.
- Agathos 5y ago
  “We anticipate this being the last round of layoffs so we won’t need a layoff db guy any more.”

bijant 5y ago

DELETE FROM LayoffDB WHERE EmployeeName='Alex';

toomuchtodo 5y ago
This is what triggers are for :) “Some say Alex is still collecting a check to this day.”
aoms 5y ago
BobbyTables would do well here..

mypalmike 5y ago

Echoes of Office Space right there. Did you happen to have a red stapler?

sneak 5y ago
Fun fact: Swingline never made a red stapler, the one in Office Space was a prop produced for the film by the production crew. Office Space popularized it to the point where Swingline actually started producing red staplers after the release of the film to capitalize on the demand.
- OJFord 5y ago
  But.. I was told..
  - sneak 5y ago
    Just pass.

ibudiallo 5y ago

... as part of the bankruptcy proceedings they sold the technology to a bigger company. A developer improved the application by automating it. It could now send emails to the right departments automatically. The developer entered his own email as a test and was promptly fired by the new software. Everyone who worked on the machine are now gone, yet it continues to do what it was designed for. That is until I found myself on the path of the machine... Just kidding, but it would make a great origin story to this: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=17350645 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=17350645

blablabla123 5y ago

> why don't you head on home for the day and I'll call you there? As non-native English speaker this expression really puzzles me.

cedricd 5y ago
In other words: please go home and I'll call you. 'Head on home' is a real expression. Similar ones are 'head over there', 'head to ...', all of which just mean 'go to'.
- toolslive 5y ago
  is that a pars pro toto?
  - shoemakersteve 5y ago
    no that's latin
  - FabHK 5y ago
    No. It's not "take your head home", with your head (a noun) being the part standing in for the whole, namely you. Rather, "to head" is a verb that means (among other things) "to move in a specific direction". For example, an aircraft could be heading north.
    - hnbad 5y ago
      Isn't "take your head home" pars pro toto given that it means "take yourself home" with the head (pars) standing in for (pro) the person (toto)?
      - FabHK 5y ago
        Yes, "take your head home" would be pars pro toto, but it is not something people usually say (in particularly, that's not what GP (or GGP or whatever) said).
  - 5y ago

aoms 5y ago

This is a great example of how companies really are. Nobody is important enough in the end. Work for a company for what you get from them, not for what you can give them!

kanzenryu2 5y ago

One of the only bankruptcies in history to make a profit! I worked for the Australian subsidiary in the 90s when they had "Vision 2000" of becoming the world's third largest telco by 2000.

shoo 5y ago

live by the layoff db, die by the layoff db