5 ms·

If I'm reading this correctly, you mean "the text is equally low quality"? I appreciate the honest feedback.

5tefan 5y ago
Feels like a staccato of names. Werner, Hans, Bauer, Lange and others all over the place. "Hans helped Werner carry Bauer" caught my eye and most sentences start with a name. Of course it was dark and foggy as well. Lots of adjectives I wouldn't miss if they'd be gone (complete silence, absolute blackness). Also felt no sense of direction or what these guys were even up to. That is easy critique from a reader. My writing covers e-mails and stuff.
Freak_NL 5y ago
'Low quality' is subjective, and it's easy to criticise as a reader (because you know when something doesn't work), but it is hard to provide good feedback (because it's hard to convert that feeling into the concrete points of why it doesn't work). 5tefan noted a few issues I agree with. There is a lot happening there, but you're not giving the reader much to hold on to. Bauer getting shot by the SS officer is a means to establish his ruthlessness, but at this point the reader doesn't have much to actually care about poor Bauer — perhaps I could care a little if he shared a piece of chocolate with Werner at a stop earlier and related a short anecdote about his bucolic yet blissful childhood in the Rheinland-Pfalz helping at his uncle's vineyard (note that I am not a writer, this may not be good advice). The execution scene also feels overwrought. Lange seems to care about fulfilling his mission above all, and time seems of the essence, so why would this ruthless man waste time on a nobody like Bauer? He might as well have kicked him aside, sending him tumbling down into a ditch and left for dead and thrust the torch into Werner's hands (or perhaps his right-hand goon would have done so automatically) with a good deal of «Verdammt noch mal!» leaving the fatigued Wehrmacht privates and non-coms to carry on, unable to disobey their leader and leaving poor Bauer to his lot. Also, starting with 'Alps' is like saying 'Texas'; it's a huge area spanning eight countries, and at this stage of the war it matters where they (roughly) are. I would expect something like 'Alps, somewhere near Saalfelden' or less specific 'The Bavarian Alps'. I can't say if the story itself is good or bad (it has something of an Agatha Christie feel in terms of plot, which is not a bad vibe to have), but your prose looks like it needed a stern professional editor. Did you have one or did you rely solely on test reader feedback? Bear in mind that by writing and actually publishing a novel you are already a better writer than I am (a mere humble reader), and anything you'll write after this will likely be better than what you've written before.

Feels like a staccato of names. Werner, Hans, Bauer, Lange and others all over the place. "Hans helped Werner carry Bauer" caught my eye and most sentences start with a name. Of course it was dark and foggy as well. Lots of adjectives I wouldn't miss if they'd be gone (complete silence, absolute blackness). Also felt no sense of direction or what these guys were even up to. That is easy critique from a reader. My writing covers e-mails and stuff.

Freak_NL 5y ago

'Low quality' is subjective, and it's easy to criticise as a reader (because you know when something doesn't work), but it is hard to provide good feedback (because it's hard to convert that feeling into the concrete points of why it doesn't work). 5tefan noted a few issues I agree with. There is a lot happening there, but you're not giving the reader much to hold on to. Bauer getting shot by the SS officer is a means to establish his ruthlessness, but at this point the reader doesn't have much to actually care about poor Bauer — perhaps I could care a little if he shared a piece of chocolate with Werner at a stop earlier and related a short anecdote about his bucolic yet blissful childhood in the Rheinland-Pfalz helping at his uncle's vineyard (note that I am not a writer, this may not be good advice). The execution scene also feels overwrought. Lange seems to care about fulfilling his mission above all, and time seems of the essence, so why would this ruthless man waste time on a nobody like Bauer? He might as well have kicked him aside, sending him tumbling down into a ditch and left for dead and thrust the torch into Werner's hands (or perhaps his right-hand goon would have done so automatically) with a good deal of «Verdammt noch mal!» leaving the fatigued Wehrmacht privates and non-coms to carry on, unable to disobey their leader and leaving poor Bauer to his lot. Also, starting with 'Alps' is like saying 'Texas'; it's a huge area spanning eight countries, and at this stage of the war it matters where they (roughly) are. I would expect something like 'Alps, somewhere near Saalfelden' or less specific 'The Bavarian Alps'. I can't say if the story itself is good or bad (it has something of an Agatha Christie feel in terms of plot, which is not a bad vibe to have), but your prose looks like it needed a stern professional editor. Did you have one or did you rely solely on test reader feedback? Bear in mind that by writing and actually publishing a novel you are already a better writer than I am (a mere humble reader), and anything you'll write after this will likely be better than what you've written before.