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I'm actually the opposite here, I love being asked to help people. I feel that it strengthens my relationships with them and makes me feel important.

munificent 5y ago
My too. This is literally why I bought a pick-up truck 20 years ago. (Which I still drive today. The Tacoma will outlive me.) I love it myself. I've moved with it, carried music equipment to gigs with it, brought home countless DIY projects from the hardware store with it, and even camped in the back of it. But I also have done many many favors for friends.
lotsofpulp 5y ago
Some people count on that to take advantage of you. One of the easiest strategies is to start asking for small favors, and then move on to bigger ones. Because the person has already granted you a small favor, it’s harder for many to say no to the bigger ones even if they want to. But if it makes you happy, I guess that’s all that matters!
- Andrex 5y ago
  That sounds like the natural progression of a relationship/friendship to me. I'd ask my better-known friends larger tasks than people I don't know as well, too.
  - lotsofpulp 5y ago
    Yes, of course, if it’s a two way relationship. But I’ve seen plenty where the “mark” is unaware or cognitively dissonant that they are being taken advantage of. Initially, they take pride in being able to help someone, but eventually they’re giving much more than taking, and they cannot bring themselves to say no, whether it be to keep themselves happy because “if I’ve helped them before, why should I not help them now…even though I don’t really want to”, or to avoid confrontation. Pride is always a liability, so I like to try to keep away from it as much as possible.
    - ncallaway 5y ago
      > Pride is always a liability That statement seems so broad that it can't possible be true in every circumstance. Always?
      - lotsofpulp 5y ago
        The saying is “pride comes before the fall”. It is more of a general principle of keeping one’s emotions at bay to prevent your biases from clouding the data and your judgment. I am sure there are evolutionary reasons for pride (i.e. ego) such as helping you fight with intensity for scarce resources or for maintaining tribal bonds. But in the modern world, it those circumstances are rarer and someone can use it against you pretty easily.
        ncallaway 5y ago
        I agree that pride _can_ be a liability. The idiom “pride comes before the fall” itself doesn’t imply that pride is _always_ bad, but rather that it has the potential to be bad. I think pride has all kinds of positive and negative features in the modern world. When I take pride in my work, I think about it more carefully and try and deliver a higher quality work. “Pride” and “Craftsmanship” seem very linked to me. That pride helps me deliver high quality work, which keeps clients around and earns referrals, which keeps me paid and food on the table. When I don’t take pride in the work I do, the standards and quality can slip. I’m much happier if I can deliver work to a client that I can stand behind and be proud of. I think that’s in many ways an asset. I certainly don’t disagree with you, though, that there are many scenarios where pride , hubris, and ego end up being problematic.
        lotsofpulp 5y ago
        You make a good point, I guess it’s not an easy one liner!
- DangitBobby 5y ago
  I'm not particularly worried about being taken advantage of. "No" is a well-established part of my vocabulary.
lostlogin 5y ago
Ah, the privilege escalation attack.

munificent 5y ago

My too. This is literally why I bought a pick-up truck 20 years ago. (Which I still drive today. The Tacoma will outlive me.) I love it myself. I've moved with it, carried music equipment to gigs with it, brought home countless DIY projects from the hardware store with it, and even camped in the back of it. But I also have done many many favors for friends.

lotsofpulp 5y ago

Some people count on that to take advantage of you. One of the easiest strategies is to start asking for small favors, and then move on to bigger ones. Because the person has already granted you a small favor, it’s harder for many to say no to the bigger ones even if they want to. But if it makes you happy, I guess that’s all that matters!

Andrex 5y ago
That sounds like the natural progression of a relationship/friendship to me. I'd ask my better-known friends larger tasks than people I don't know as well, too.
- lotsofpulp 5y ago
  Yes, of course, if it’s a two way relationship. But I’ve seen plenty where the “mark” is unaware or cognitively dissonant that they are being taken advantage of. Initially, they take pride in being able to help someone, but eventually they’re giving much more than taking, and they cannot bring themselves to say no, whether it be to keep themselves happy because “if I’ve helped them before, why should I not help them now…even though I don’t really want to”, or to avoid confrontation. Pride is always a liability, so I like to try to keep away from it as much as possible.
  - ncallaway 5y ago
    > Pride is always a liability That statement seems so broad that it can't possible be true in every circumstance. Always?
    - lotsofpulp 5y ago
      The saying is “pride comes before the fall”. It is more of a general principle of keeping one’s emotions at bay to prevent your biases from clouding the data and your judgment. I am sure there are evolutionary reasons for pride (i.e. ego) such as helping you fight with intensity for scarce resources or for maintaining tribal bonds. But in the modern world, it those circumstances are rarer and someone can use it against you pretty easily.
      - ncallaway 5y ago
        I agree that pride _can_ be a liability. The idiom “pride comes before the fall” itself doesn’t imply that pride is _always_ bad, but rather that it has the potential to be bad. I think pride has all kinds of positive and negative features in the modern world. When I take pride in my work, I think about it more carefully and try and deliver a higher quality work. “Pride” and “Craftsmanship” seem very linked to me. That pride helps me deliver high quality work, which keeps clients around and earns referrals, which keeps me paid and food on the table. When I don’t take pride in the work I do, the standards and quality can slip. I’m much happier if I can deliver work to a client that I can stand behind and be proud of. I think that’s in many ways an asset. I certainly don’t disagree with you, though, that there are many scenarios where pride , hubris, and ego end up being problematic.
        lotsofpulp 5y ago
        You make a good point, I guess it’s not an easy one liner!
DangitBobby 5y ago
I'm not particularly worried about being taken advantage of. "No" is a well-established part of my vocabulary.

lostlogin 5y ago

Ah, the privilege escalation attack.