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I grew up dirt poor in a police no-go zone, went on to spend roughly 18 months in homeless hostels over a few years, etc. Honestly, I feel like lots of these a

I grew up dirt poor in a police no-go zone, went on to spend roughly 18 months in homeless hostels over a few years, etc. Honestly, I feel like lots of these are related to being a poorly paid member of the tech company or having work at more working class companies. When I started out, I literally ate toast for lunch every day because it was provided and I had no other money as time went on I got paid more and I was spending 15-25 every day on lunch. I was spending more on lunch than some people I knew would spend on food for their entire week. The bonus at my current company was a massive issue for nearly everyone. It was constantly talked about for months because the company screwed up their finances and were talking ages to figure out what the bonus should be. Nearly everyone in my company comes from a middle class background and majority make decent money. And the thing about the gym is probably on them, the gym is full of people all trying to better themselves and some of the most supportive people you will meet will be the gym. I would routinely tell people they look awesome and I was in awe, I would have random people come up and say well done to me that I was doing well. There are a few people who only want to hang around with other gym rats but 99% are just normal people. I remember talking to a woman who is super hot and even she felt intimidated by the gym. The thing about stealing is a serious issue for working class companies. So many warehouses for example have security to search employees because they know if they don't lots of their product will walk out of the door with employees. I had friends that would talk about how they stole from their companies. I also heard a bunch of stories of people stealing when a company shut down.

filoleg 5y ago
No desire to comment on the rest of the OP points, but the one about gym was the most baffling one to me. Out of all places I could think of, gym is one of the most accepting places ever for all kinds of people (including extremely obese people). From my own observations, people at the gym tend to fall in one of the 2 categories: they are either (a) extremely supportive or (b) totally not caring about anything but getting their own workout done and getting out. Of course there could be exceptions, but the only time i've ever even heard of such a thing happening, those types of people usually get shunned by the rest of gym goers for being assholes and ultimately banned from gyms. In fact, more often than not, when I see a person at the gym who is clearly a very beginner (judging purely by how they are walking around for a while trying to find a specific piece of equipment, regardless of whether they are obese or not), I almost instantly see other gym goers helping them out with minor stuff or cheering them on weeks later once they accomplish a milestone. From my personal experience, the most intimidating-looking fit people at the gym end up being the nicest and most helpful towards beginners. This sidenote aside, I find it extremely suspicious that the OP just said "It was crystal clear I don't belong" in reference to gym, without any specifics. What made it "clear" to her? The fact that she was looking at other people and realized that a lot of them were a bit further along their journey to being fit? Or did something actually happen that made her feel that way? Because a lot of her other points and complaints seem to have a lot of specifics, but this one has absolutely none. It is also a bit strange how she is all about utilizing all other benefits and perks provided by the company, as evident by her mentioning tons of specific instances of that (no shame in that, as everyone should feel empowered to take advantage of things offered to them by the employer for free). She even rationalizes a lot of it as something due to her being from a rather poor background, even if she knows she shouldn't utilize those as much (drinking until getting sick, because it is free). But when it comes to the gym membership covered by her employer, she is totally willing to give up this perk, despite it usually being a pretty valuable perk in terms of costs covered.
- kelnos 5y ago
  Not all gyms are created equal, and it's possible she (perhaps through ignorance or lack of choice based on the reimbursement) picked one that is full of judgmental people who are already fit and just go to the gym as status signaling and/or to maintain their fitness. Also, "gym" might mean some sort of "fitness class program", so it might not just be a big room with cardio equipment, free weights, and weight machines. The fitness class type does anecdotally seem to attract more of the status-conscious people than do-your-own-exercise type gyms do. (To be completely fair, the fitness class type does of course attract a lot of people just looking for a more structured way to get into shape.) While I agree that most gyms are great places full of supportive people (or at least people who don't give you a second look and will leave you to do your thing in peace), there are also certainly some gyms that seem to exist more as status symbols than anything else. But still, assuming she had a choice (again, maybe the company gym perk only covered one specific gym), she absolutely should not have given up after that one experience, and should have tried another gym. I do get how it can be hard enough to get yourself to go the gym in the first place, though, and a bad experience can completely drain any motivation to continue on.

filoleg 5y ago

No desire to comment on the rest of the OP points, but the one about gym was the most baffling one to me. Out of all places I could think of, gym is one of the most accepting places ever for all kinds of people (including extremely obese people). From my own observations, people at the gym tend to fall in one of the 2 categories: they are either (a) extremely supportive or (b) totally not caring about anything but getting their own workout done and getting out. Of course there could be exceptions, but the only time i've ever even heard of such a thing happening, those types of people usually get shunned by the rest of gym goers for being assholes and ultimately banned from gyms. In fact, more often than not, when I see a person at the gym who is clearly a very beginner (judging purely by how they are walking around for a while trying to find a specific piece of equipment, regardless of whether they are obese or not), I almost instantly see other gym goers helping them out with minor stuff or cheering them on weeks later once they accomplish a milestone. From my personal experience, the most intimidating-looking fit people at the gym end up being the nicest and most helpful towards beginners. This sidenote aside, I find it extremely suspicious that the OP just said "It was crystal clear I don't belong" in reference to gym, without any specifics. What made it "clear" to her? The fact that she was looking at other people and realized that a lot of them were a bit further along their journey to being fit? Or did something actually happen that made her feel that way? Because a lot of her other points and complaints seem to have a lot of specifics, but this one has absolutely none. It is also a bit strange how she is all about utilizing all other benefits and perks provided by the company, as evident by her mentioning tons of specific instances of that (no shame in that, as everyone should feel empowered to take advantage of things offered to them by the employer for free). She even rationalizes a lot of it as something due to her being from a rather poor background, even if she knows she shouldn't utilize those as much (drinking until getting sick, because it is free). But when it comes to the gym membership covered by her employer, she is totally willing to give up this perk, despite it usually being a pretty valuable perk in terms of costs covered.

kelnos 5y ago
Not all gyms are created equal, and it's possible she (perhaps through ignorance or lack of choice based on the reimbursement) picked one that is full of judgmental people who are already fit and just go to the gym as status signaling and/or to maintain their fitness. Also, "gym" might mean some sort of "fitness class program", so it might not just be a big room with cardio equipment, free weights, and weight machines. The fitness class type does anecdotally seem to attract more of the status-conscious people than do-your-own-exercise type gyms do. (To be completely fair, the fitness class type does of course attract a lot of people just looking for a more structured way to get into shape.) While I agree that most gyms are great places full of supportive people (or at least people who don't give you a second look and will leave you to do your thing in peace), there are also certainly some gyms that seem to exist more as status symbols than anything else. But still, assuming she had a choice (again, maybe the company gym perk only covered one specific gym), she absolutely should not have given up after that one experience, and should have tried another gym. I do get how it can be hard enough to get yourself to go the gym in the first place, though, and a bad experience can completely drain any motivation to continue on.