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"Abuse" now means "offensiveness". Literally. Watering down the language a bit, I can see how a reasonable person would be mildly offended if another person to

"Abuse" now means "offensiveness". Literally. Watering down the language a bit, I can see how a reasonable person would be mildly offended if another person told them: "you're living your life improperly". Which is, ultimately, the received message. Yes you can't get a job in your field and your relationship is trashed, but your 20s are objectively the height of many metrics in your life. So are your 30s. (Unspoken: "I wish I still had the things you do, which you do not see/value. I also want all the things I have accumulated in the time since I was your age.") So having some other person, typically older and who fancies themselves wiser, who knows not-nearly-enough about your life, opine that you should "enjoy" your current state...can be offensive in many cases! And of course, as the star of our own autobiographies, we tend to inflate the importance of whatever drama-du-jour we're going through, and fail to take a longer view of things. This is generally the intended message of the speaker, but we often don't hear it that way, and anyway we don't want to be told. Some messages can only be heard when they are explicitly sought.

drummojg 5y ago
Oh no, that's too mild. Things that rise to the level of "offensive" are "violence," not merely "abuse." Tongue somewhat in cheek, of course, but I do have a friend whose claim to the "Me too" movement was that an older gentleman had called her "young lady" once.
kodah 5y ago
> "Abuse" now means "offensiveness". Literally. It seems this watering down of language was systemic and intentful. I'd love to know what generations, geographies, and cultures are afflicted most by this.
- fullshark 5y ago
  I don't think the intention was to water down the words' meaning. The intention was to get attention on just how terrible a certain thing was/is in the short run (This idea is abuse/violence!). The long term effects of this is future claims of abuse get ignored in the discourse because the words have been so watered down as to lose their meaning.
  - kodah 5y ago
    The problem is that it seldomly was abuse or violence. These are misplaced or exaggerated words for effect, which is what creates the long term effect. If they're exaggerated, that makes me think this was intentful. If they're misplaced then we've failed in educating a whole group of people on a very fundamental level in a multitude of areas from language to emotional management.
    - quesera 5y ago
      "misplaced or exaggerated for effect" appears to be a natural thing. It's not a new thing, but it definitely seems to be accumulative. Friends say bands are "awesome", long meetings are "excruciating", guys in mock turtlenecks say products are "magical" or "revolutionary". Boys cry "wolf". What does it all mean? What words do we choose when the correct words are no longer meaningful? What is the value of a word that describes a situation that almost never happens?
      - kodah 5y ago
        > Friends say bands are "awesome", long meetings are "excruciating", guys in mock turtlenecks say products are "magical" or "revolutionary". Boys cry "wolf". What does it all mean? Do these exaggerations, or use of flowery language, carry any real world consequences? The words "abuse" and "violence" (and other vernacular that people are using around problems they face) carry consequences under the law, reputational damage, etc... I suspect the people who replace, "So and so said something that offended me" with "So and so said something that was abusive to me" know they're participating in deceptive language that carries real consequences. I lean in the direction that these folks believe the ends justify the means but I've yet to hear anyone speak in earnest about why they do this. Usually when they explain themselves it involves a lot of imagery and mental gymnastics as well as a wide array of unprovable assumptions you must accept in order to understand their point but always conveniently skips over their language choice. In fact, there's entire rhetoric designed to avoid this subject called "tone policing" whereby someone is allowed to make outrageous claims because they feel some way about something. It's then on the rest of us to sort out their emotional baggage from the hard facts and produce something from it. Generally, I've noticed humans will use flowery language when bullshitting, speaking abstractly, or trying to sell something. When we talk about problems we tend to try to be more concise, as being concise lets us address the problem more directly while using flowery language is both deceptive and distracting.

drummojg 5y ago

Oh no, that's too mild. Things that rise to the level of "offensive" are "violence," not merely "abuse." Tongue somewhat in cheek, of course, but I do have a friend whose claim to the "Me too" movement was that an older gentleman had called her "young lady" once.

kodah 5y ago

> "Abuse" now means "offensiveness". Literally. It seems this watering down of language was systemic and intentful. I'd love to know what generations, geographies, and cultures are afflicted most by this.

fullshark 5y ago
I don't think the intention was to water down the words' meaning. The intention was to get attention on just how terrible a certain thing was/is in the short run (This idea is abuse/violence!). The long term effects of this is future claims of abuse get ignored in the discourse because the words have been so watered down as to lose their meaning.
- kodah 5y ago
  The problem is that it seldomly was abuse or violence. These are misplaced or exaggerated words for effect, which is what creates the long term effect. If they're exaggerated, that makes me think this was intentful. If they're misplaced then we've failed in educating a whole group of people on a very fundamental level in a multitude of areas from language to emotional management.
  - quesera 5y ago
    "misplaced or exaggerated for effect" appears to be a natural thing. It's not a new thing, but it definitely seems to be accumulative. Friends say bands are "awesome", long meetings are "excruciating", guys in mock turtlenecks say products are "magical" or "revolutionary". Boys cry "wolf". What does it all mean? What words do we choose when the correct words are no longer meaningful? What is the value of a word that describes a situation that almost never happens?
    - kodah 5y ago
      > Friends say bands are "awesome", long meetings are "excruciating", guys in mock turtlenecks say products are "magical" or "revolutionary". Boys cry "wolf". What does it all mean? Do these exaggerations, or use of flowery language, carry any real world consequences? The words "abuse" and "violence" (and other vernacular that people are using around problems they face) carry consequences under the law, reputational damage, etc... I suspect the people who replace, "So and so said something that offended me" with "So and so said something that was abusive to me" know they're participating in deceptive language that carries real consequences. I lean in the direction that these folks believe the ends justify the means but I've yet to hear anyone speak in earnest about why they do this. Usually when they explain themselves it involves a lot of imagery and mental gymnastics as well as a wide array of unprovable assumptions you must accept in order to understand their point but always conveniently skips over their language choice. In fact, there's entire rhetoric designed to avoid this subject called "tone policing" whereby someone is allowed to make outrageous claims because they feel some way about something. It's then on the rest of us to sort out their emotional baggage from the hard facts and produce something from it. Generally, I've noticed humans will use flowery language when bullshitting, speaking abstractly, or trying to sell something. When we talk about problems we tend to try to be more concise, as being concise lets us address the problem more directly while using flowery language is both deceptive and distracting.