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> Prior research has suggested such behaviors as refusing to discuss emotional well-being or trauma, being overly permissive of harmful behaviors of other men a
by kypro 5y ago
> Prior research has suggested such behaviors as refusing to discuss emotional well-being or trauma, being overly permissive of harmful behaviors of other men and boys ("boys will be boys"), and beliefs that include aggressiveness and "macho" ideals, and that men are superior to women.
Sometimes I wonder if what's toxic to some may not be to others. Am I the only biological man who doesn't like discussing his emotions? If I'm feeling down I rather go to the gym with my friends than sit down and talk about my emotions. As an individual and as a "man" I do feel I'm able to talk about my emotions if I wanted but it's just not that helpful for me personally as someone who already struggles with relatively high levels of emotion.
I'm also not convinced aggressiveness is always bad. A problem I had growing up was that I was so passive I'd never defend myself. I was bullied by kids and teachers ruthlessly during my school years and if passiveness is the opposite of aggression it's not obvious to me that it's any better. It was only when I made a male friend who taught me the value of being physically able to defend myself that things started to improve socially for me. Specifically, learning how to fight and keeping fit helped me immensely in having the confidence to stand up for what I believe is right both in situations of verbal and physical conflict.
What I'm trying to say is that teaching guys not to be aggressive probably isn't the way to go. Guys are biologically wired for aggression. What's important is that male aggression is used appropriately. This imo is a more important lesson for young men to learn and something that we should probably encourage more as a society.
> They noted that men with clear toxic masculinity traits tended to have far fewer male friends than other men and the kind of friendships they did have were rarely close.
See, I suspect the reason for this is that men with other male friends are more likely to understand how to be masculine in a healthy way. I'm sure some guys can release emotion through talking to their friends, but I'm not sure this is the most common way. Perhaps giving guys ways to deal with their emotions physically in healthy environments could help more than trying to convince guys they need to talk more about their emotions, or trying to convince them not be physically aggressive in spite of their biological predisposition for it?
- insickness 5y ago> Am I the only biological man who doesn't like discussing his emotions? Likewise, there is an implicit assumption that the resolution to every problem is more communication. This is many times not the best solution, particularly for the disempowered party in a relationship.
- fallingfrog 5y agoI definitely don’t think aggression is a male trait. Aggression generally comes from fear. You lash out because you’re stressed or afraid. Perhaps the word you’re looking for is “brave” or “confident” or something like that.
- navjack27 5y ago> Am I the only biological man who doesn't like discussing his emotions? No and that's the problem. You should direct all of this tangible communication energy into emotional communication energy. Get comfortable with talking about them. It's incredibly useful. You aren't highly evolved and in the end you can't logic or reason emotions. Deal with them. Confront them. Be mindful of them. > Sometimes I wonder if what's toxic to some may not be to others Yes. What you are entirely describing in your reply is what I consider toxic. You are doing a lot of explaining and rationalizing and not much empathizing. Setting an example and ending the stigma of guys talking about emotions not being useful is toxic.