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It's not that I don't trust the burnout, but I want to know what aspect is causing burnout. Is it talking all day? Is there stress because someone is watching y

It's not that I don't trust the burnout, but I want to know what aspect is causing burnout. Is it talking all day? Is there stress because someone is watching you work? Are you not taking enough breaks? These things aren't all specific to pairing, which means that pairing wouldn't always be the issue. Sure, some people are just not the type of people that are good at pairing, and that's valid, but it's important to identify the problem. That's where trust and support comes in. If you can't talk about why you are feeling burnt out with your team, then there is a deeper issue that your team needs to figure out.

azhu 5y ago
The author explains it well IMO. Mentally computing an appropriate response to present to another human takes energy. The more different that human than you, the more energy. There'll be some outliers that are inordinately drained by pairing. I agree that if someone can't talk about why they're feeling stressed by their work environment then it's a deeper issue than just a personal one. I would point to leaders whose lack of understanding of higher order truths about humans, like that humans are different and space needs to be permanently held for those differences to be surfaced and coalesced, can cause their well intended questioning to come across as personal attack, thereby incentivizing the team member to stay quiet. Trust is the end state of solving a communication problem. But it's a systemic quality and needs to be cultivated from the system as a whole, not any one member.