4 ms·

The causative factor for the result of the surveys is kids.

vmception 5y ago
I was thinking that, as I was wondering what these people are doing differently and wonder if that different thing was actually conventional rites of passage.
muzani 5y ago
Really young kids especially. It's weird because having a baby is both one of the most fulfilling parts of life but also drains you massively. I suppose the fulfillment is part of a biological desire to reproduce.
- tidenly 5y ago
  Right - I think we get a lot of in-built satisfaction and pleasure from being around or raising kids, specifically to offset just how annoying and difficult the task of raising them is.
  - piva00 5y ago
    I definitely have this built-in feeling quite broken. I left the door open to perhaps consider forming a family at some point since my first girlfriend, over the years it's only got more clear that I don't enjoy kids, at all. I don't take enjoyment from being around kids, playing with kids or any kind of interaction with them, it makes me feel broken but I simply can't. Not even with my niece, my sisters get a lot of joy out of simply being around her, for me it's a massive energy drain, and it's been like that with every kid I had to be close to due to family or friends ties. I'm so tired of feeling this way, now getting into my early to mid-30s and having to explain to people over and over that I do understand the ones who want kids, the ones who get enjoyment out of them, but I don't, at all. I never have and it's only got more cemented over time. Lately I just put a façade of telling that someone's kid is cute, etc., as it's the social norm. If I was being very honest I'd just say that I don't enjoy kids, don't mind hanging out with people who have kids when they are around but I don't get any energy from having to interact with them.
    - germinalphrase 5y ago
      I’ll just throw out there that I didn’t care about kids, babies until after We had one. My brain definitely changed.
      - piva00 5y ago
        How was that feeling? Did you simply not care or did it take your energy away to be around them? I've actively tried to change and engage more with kids for a few years, this dread never went away, it's not only I don't take enjoyment but it saps something out of me, it's quite strange as I don't feel that strongly against anything else considered normal in life...
        germinalphrase 5y ago
        I suppose it sapped energy in the way that any social effort does, but it was mostly apathy. I didn’t have any warm fuzzy feelings around babies, kids, puppies. To say that I “softened” after my son came would be wrong as it didn’t feel like I was being emotionally “hard” before (as would be the stereotype for men). Something just changed and now I see/feel joy around young children (even if another part of my brain is saying god damn, they’re a lot of work). Edit: All that said - try to stand on your own two feet. If you want to explore negative mindsets about kids, consider seeing a therapist. A good friend of mine made great strides sorting out his own hang ups with his childhood/his parents and is now a happy (tired) father. If you just don’t want kids - well, who gives a shit. Find a partner who doesn’t want kids.
        throwit1q2e3r 5y ago
        I'm not expected to be friendly and fun around adults I don't know -- so why is it that I'm expected to be friendly and fun around kids? They're still strangers. I dread spending time with kids I barely know in the same way I dread spending time with adults I barely know. I have friends with kids, but spending time with those kids is like spending time with those friends' parents. Yes, they're related to my friends, but they're still strangers to me. Then I had a kid... and nothing changed about other kids. I still don't know them and I still feel awkward around them. But I do know my kid. He likes spending time with me and I like spending time with him, even though it can be boring/tiring sometimes.

I was thinking that, as I was wondering what these people are doing differently and wonder if that different thing was actually conventional rites of passage.

muzani 5y ago

Really young kids especially. It's weird because having a baby is both one of the most fulfilling parts of life but also drains you massively. I suppose the fulfillment is part of a biological desire to reproduce.

tidenly 5y ago
Right - I think we get a lot of in-built satisfaction and pleasure from being around or raising kids, specifically to offset just how annoying and difficult the task of raising them is.
- piva00 5y ago
  I definitely have this built-in feeling quite broken. I left the door open to perhaps consider forming a family at some point since my first girlfriend, over the years it's only got more clear that I don't enjoy kids, at all. I don't take enjoyment from being around kids, playing with kids or any kind of interaction with them, it makes me feel broken but I simply can't. Not even with my niece, my sisters get a lot of joy out of simply being around her, for me it's a massive energy drain, and it's been like that with every kid I had to be close to due to family or friends ties. I'm so tired of feeling this way, now getting into my early to mid-30s and having to explain to people over and over that I do understand the ones who want kids, the ones who get enjoyment out of them, but I don't, at all. I never have and it's only got more cemented over time. Lately I just put a façade of telling that someone's kid is cute, etc., as it's the social norm. If I was being very honest I'd just say that I don't enjoy kids, don't mind hanging out with people who have kids when they are around but I don't get any energy from having to interact with them.
  - germinalphrase 5y ago
    I’ll just throw out there that I didn’t care about kids, babies until after We had one. My brain definitely changed.
    - piva00 5y ago
      How was that feeling? Did you simply not care or did it take your energy away to be around them? I've actively tried to change and engage more with kids for a few years, this dread never went away, it's not only I don't take enjoyment but it saps something out of me, it's quite strange as I don't feel that strongly against anything else considered normal in life...
      - germinalphrase 5y ago
        I suppose it sapped energy in the way that any social effort does, but it was mostly apathy. I didn’t have any warm fuzzy feelings around babies, kids, puppies. To say that I “softened” after my son came would be wrong as it didn’t feel like I was being emotionally “hard” before (as would be the stereotype for men). Something just changed and now I see/feel joy around young children (even if another part of my brain is saying god damn, they’re a lot of work). Edit: All that said - try to stand on your own two feet. If you want to explore negative mindsets about kids, consider seeing a therapist. A good friend of mine made great strides sorting out his own hang ups with his childhood/his parents and is now a happy (tired) father. If you just don’t want kids - well, who gives a shit. Find a partner who doesn’t want kids.
      - throwit1q2e3r 5y ago
        I'm not expected to be friendly and fun around adults I don't know -- so why is it that I'm expected to be friendly and fun around kids? They're still strangers. I dread spending time with kids I barely know in the same way I dread spending time with adults I barely know. I have friends with kids, but spending time with those kids is like spending time with those friends' parents. Yes, they're related to my friends, but they're still strangers to me. Then I had a kid... and nothing changed about other kids. I still don't know them and I still feel awkward around them. But I do know my kid. He likes spending time with me and I like spending time with him, even though it can be boring/tiring sometimes.