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I grew up with my parents behaving as you are suggesting. Anything extracurricular I wanted to do, beyond a token cost, was my responsibility to pay for. That e

I grew up with my parents behaving as you are suggesting. Anything extracurricular I wanted to do, beyond a token cost, was my responsibility to pay for. That ended up having some consequences you might not be thinking of, so I thought I’d share them with you. 1.) It made me way less likely to try any extracurricular because I knew I’d have to work to pay for them. This includes several that I was really interested in and showed aptitude for. 2. I had a job from age 12 on. I started with a paper route, then a dishwashing job, then a cashier at a mini mart. The result was that I was tired - the dishwashing and mini mart gigs kept me out until close to midnight several days per week. My grades, and my interest in school took a nosedive. My parents couldn’t figure out why. They thought it so impressive that I was so industrious to have these jobs. They loved the bootstrap narrative. 3. Working jobs in food service introduced me to all manner of drugs and alcohol. I was a regular smoker by 15, and binge drank with my coworkers from 16-19, and I smoked weed every chance I got. I don’t really hold it against my parents consciously; they were older and really bought in to the bootstrap narrative. They genuinely thought I could work part time in the summer and pay for college, in the mid 2000s, just like my dad did in the 60s. But I do hold it against them subconsciously. I know there are things I really wanted to do back then that my family could hav afforded to pay for, and it’s a bitter pill to swallow knowing that they refused to out of misguided principles. I didn’t really realize that until I met my wife, who was told that it was her job to go to school and get good grades, not make money. Her parents didn’t spend lavishly on her, but if she could make a reasonable case for why she should have something they’d pay for it. When she told me that, it made my own parents way of dealing with these things really sting. Anyway, thought that might be interesting to you as a parent.

dmichulke 5y ago
What extracurricular activities were this and how much did they cost to make you work until midnight and do drugs because of the stress? Do you think your drug use (+booze and cigarettes) became a considerable part of the costs that made you work so much? I come from a lower middle class family in a non-urban area and there were neither the jobs nor the activities (much less costly ones) nor any sort of pressure to do such activities. Yet I believe I was fine, I am doing now (25ys later) several such activities
SyzygistSix 5y ago
Kids who only had a summer job in high school definitely had a leg up. More time to study and more sleep. And point number 3 is dead on. This goes back to the point that it is important to be able and willing to work hard but working smarter is a better overall strategy.
jorvi 5y ago
Those consequences are not a given. I too, had to work from 14 years old, and beyond the basic sports interests had to pay my own way (for example, guitar and guitar lessons). I might agree a little with point 1, but I never felt penalizingly tired like you say in point 2, and I also never picked up smoking or boozing like you say in point 3. Aside from that, having your kid work at least a little (even if they would only earn 20 bucks a week with a few hours on a Thursday evening) massively improves their respect for earning something, and actually managing money.

dmichulke 5y ago

What extracurricular activities were this and how much did they cost to make you work until midnight and do drugs because of the stress? Do you think your drug use (+booze and cigarettes) became a considerable part of the costs that made you work so much? I come from a lower middle class family in a non-urban area and there were neither the jobs nor the activities (much less costly ones) nor any sort of pressure to do such activities. Yet I believe I was fine, I am doing now (25ys later) several such activities

SyzygistSix 5y ago

Kids who only had a summer job in high school definitely had a leg up. More time to study and more sleep. And point number 3 is dead on. This goes back to the point that it is important to be able and willing to work hard but working smarter is a better overall strategy.

jorvi 5y ago

Those consequences are not a given. I too, had to work from 14 years old, and beyond the basic sports interests had to pay my own way (for example, guitar and guitar lessons). I might agree a little with point 1, but I never felt penalizingly tired like you say in point 2, and I also never picked up smoking or boozing like you say in point 3. Aside from that, having your kid work at least a little (even if they would only earn 20 bucks a week with a few hours on a Thursday evening) massively improves their respect for earning something, and actually managing money.