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Ask HN: What is your strategy for not being manipulated/pushover at workplace?
Look I want to go to work code, do shit assigned to me, get paid in return. That's it.
I know "48 laws of power" but I don't have time for office politics and manipulating people
or kiss someone ass or competition to nailed a new college student that boss hired. I do not want to play dirty or play any office game. I want to put in my best effort then I am done.
However, I am no pushover either. I am all for tit for tat. I don't manipulate you but you don't manipulate me or take advantage of me. I am fair by default as long as I am treated fairly. This is
the general gist of my approach to the workplace. Not sure this is best. If you are anything like me..
Do you have any experience in this matter of manipulation at the workplace? What did you learn hard way?
What is your defense system now?
- emrah 5y agoAs long as there are 2+ people involved, it doesn't seem possible to stay away from some kind of politics. How you deal with problems depends on how bad it is. If it's really bad, you'll probably have no choice but leave. With the caveat that there is no ideal place out there, you can always try starting your own. Otherwise, the best strategy I think is to let your skills speak for themselves, get things done and be so good (or good enough) that they can't ignore you. They don't have to you like you but they should respect you for getting things done and being invaluable. And then there is always the option of talking to your manager or HR if the problem is serious enough. HR isn't necessarily your friend but it's in their best interest to keep good people to protect the company so they should be able to help in case of serious faul play.
- giantg2 5y agoI feel pretty similar. I have no advice for you. I'm 9 years in with a masters and I'm only a midlevel developer with no future.
- Graffur 5y agoWhat do you actually want in your future? Mid-level developer sounds good to me!
- giantg2 5y agoI literally said that to a department head once. My job was in jeopardy the next day, even though the policy says that it should be ok that some people never go higher. More money would be nice. $100k for Philly region COL would be nice.
- Graffur 5y agoThat sucks! I wish I had maintained that position for longer in my career.
- muzani 5y agoIf someone is deceptive, don't believe them next time. Someone who lies for you will also lie to you. Be generous to everyone except the manipulative. It's a little "manipulative" because the generous ones will give you more than you gave them. But it also identifies the impostors. Manipulative people are often lazy, so make it painful for them. Put up a fight if you're in a bad spot. Treat it as a war, with an actual battle plan and allocate resources to win. End it quick. Don't hold grudges. You can become friends with former enemies. But bear in mind that a dishonest person will stay dishonest, even if you marry them. If the situation is too bad, change your environment. Plenty of companies, especially in tech, who are happy to treat you well and want to see you happy.
- kleer001 5y agoMy defence is to work at a small place. That its self is not a magic bullet. It had to be around for a long time. Also, I was invited in (an old coworker got me an interview) So it's not like I ran through a bunch of businesses to eliminate to the best.
- Reebz 5y agoRead or audible How to win friends and influence people by Carnegie. That’s it. Just get along with folks. Consider this reinforcing loop: The stronger relationships you build the less attempts there will be to push you over, and with more relationships you will have more support in the event that it occurs, which in turn fuels your confidence in all matters when you may be alone at time of the event. Context: my career went dev (not long) to consulting to product (most time) to executive management (current).
- Graffur 5y agoDoesn't this book offer advice like smiling at everyone all the time and saying their name? I frequently cringe when I see this playing out with people I meet. It makes me so uncomfortable that they're following a ruleset when communicating with people.
- aristofun 5y agoThese are not rules. These are instincts and bio-social mechanisms. Thanks to them we survived and evolve. One should have respect for them.
- kwdc 5y agoIts dangerous to be alone. Predators can sense the abandoned, lonely or just plain isolated. Strengthen social connections every chance you get. Both inside and outside every sphere not just work or home. Its like learning to fight and then never needing to. Predators can still detect you can fight usually without any effort from you. This makes you less of a pushover in general. Its a mindset. Nip issues in the bud. Otherwise they just grow. Often they multiply. Escalate to authority figures where they exist.
- hitsurume 5y agoThe hardest thing about finding a great job is finding a great boss. A great boss is someone who respects your work, your boundaries, and who understands your strengths and weaknesses. A great boss/manager will do their very best to prevent the politics and bureaucracy and let you focus on what you want to do, which is great work. I don't have any advice on how to find a great boss/manager, but they are unfortunately hard to come by in my experience.
- ElectricMind 5y agoI agree with you on this one. Great boss- I think most problems never even bother you. But if leadership itself is 'saving his/her skin' , I think it is time to find new job :)
- mbrodersen 5y ago80% of people quit their job because of their boss. So yep I agree with you. It is the #1 thing to look out for.
- adingus 5y agoI have a fat emergency fund and live below my means. This gives me the confidence to be sure I can find another job if required.
- mbrodersen 5y agoLive below your means and make sure you always have enough savings to be able to find a better job. It gives you the power to stand up for yourself if necessary
- Buttons840 5y ago> I want to put in my best effort then I am done. Your best effort at what? A few years ago if I had said that I would mean I want to do my best at imposing my idea of good code and products on the company. I've recently given up the fight and now give "my best effort" towards being pleasant to work with, helping others, kissing ass, doing bullshit, and almost never working overtime and standing up for myself when it's time to go home. I'm happier now. And what I used to consider kissing ass or doing bullshit I now consider to be selling myself to the people who pay me and just doing the work they pay me to do. I do still push for changes I think would be good, but much less aggressively.