5 ms·

Same thing but I have girls. I don't want them growing up with the locus of control outside of themselves. The studies are convincing that that is the worst thi

Same thing but I have girls. I don't want them growing up with the locus of control outside of themselves. The studies are convincing that that is the worst thing you can for a child.

loopz 5y ago
Then to take control of your own mind and acknowledge you don't know, is the greatest achievement.
devonian 5y ago
Check out the following book, I have found it a useful with my own daughter: Raising girls who like themselves by Kasey Edwards.
- rednerrus 5y ago
  Thanks for the recommendation. I just ordered it.
DoreenMichele 5y ago
I'm a woman and in some sense I had sort of a sheltered childhood. I was one of the top students in my graduating high school class and I had a lot of firsthand experience with being taken seriously, having my opinions respected and feeling just as entitled as anyone else to speak my mind, etc. And then I became an adult and life did not go how I thought it would and I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what went wrong. I will suggest that it can be counterproductive to try to hide the ugly truth from children that the world is often not a nice place, that there are prejudiced people and who you are can impact how other people react to you, among other things. I have been slow to take off my rose-colored glasses and get better at handling bad actors in a more tactical fashion. Girls tend to be taught to worry about the feelings of other people more than their own and to conform to social expectations and to cave to social pressure. Trying to live up to high ideals about all people deserving to be treated well while I was not being treated well by them was something of an Achilles Heel for me. That seems to generalize. I seem to not be the only woman who keeps trying to find some high road long after it's become obvious that the person in question is simply abusive and taking advantage.
- notsureaboutpg 5y ago
  >Girls tend to be taught to worry about the feelings of other people more than their own and to conform to social expectations and to cave to social pressure. Trying to live up to high ideals about all people deserving to be treated well while I was not being treated well by them was something of an Achilles Heel for me. This is an assertion many people make without any actual factual basis or proof. It sounds like what we think is true so we believe it is true, but that's often how many societies make their biggest blunders. >I seem to not be the only woman who keeps trying to find some high road long after it's become obvious that the person in question is simply abusive and taking advantage. Most people do this. In fact this is a teaching of Jesus Christ, to turn the other cheek even in extreme and dangerous circumstances. I'm not Christian, but it's the largest religion in the US, so you could presume most people would learn this trait (wrong or right as it may be). And you could assume that their religious upbringing is more influential on them than some cryptic, unable to pinpoint, way in which "people" teach girls one thing and teach boys another thing about how to be respected.
- chillwaves 5y ago
  I value your perspective. Thank you.
- ptr2voidStar 5y ago
  I am glad we have some women amongst us. Too many people in here suffer from "silo thinking"
- bourgwaletariat 5y ago
  > long after it's become obvious that the person in question is simply abusive and taking advantage. Do you consciously notice this change in your own perspective? In real time? I only do this in retrospect. I can look back and see the thing that should have been obvious, but wasn't at the time. All the red flags. I have found my ability to detect them has accelerated and my tolerance for them has declined. We are supposed to be tolerant, work hard, do more, stay late, go the extra mile... and, as you said, it's taken advantage of. At some point, I realize people are taking advantage of my good nature. And so then I just walk away. But I wish I could not feel bad about it. Guilty somehow.
ziml77 5y ago
If this can be taught to children then it absolutely should be. Feeling like nothing is under your control is guaranteed to lead to stress and anxiety.
- ixacto 5y ago
  CRT teaching and COVID-lockdown related psychosis is going to lead to more adolescent health crises e.g. Columbines than we can imagine. This is going to cause issues with a whole generation of kids until we realize the damage it’s done and ban it.
im3w1l 5y ago
Personally I believing in telling people the truth. Neither telling people that they are helpless victims, nor that they have control over everything. Simply that they have some degree of influence. The serenity prayer: "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference."

Same thing but I have girls. I don't want them growing up with the locus of control outside of themselves. The studies are convincing that that is the worst thing you can for a child.

loopz 5y ago

Then to take control of your own mind and acknowledge you don't know, is the greatest achievement.

devonian 5y ago

Check out the following book, I have found it a useful with my own daughter: Raising girls who like themselves by Kasey Edwards.

rednerrus 5y ago
Thanks for the recommendation. I just ordered it.

DoreenMichele 5y ago

I'm a woman and in some sense I had sort of a sheltered childhood. I was one of the top students in my graduating high school class and I had a lot of firsthand experience with being taken seriously, having my opinions respected and feeling just as entitled as anyone else to speak my mind, etc. And then I became an adult and life did not go how I thought it would and I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what went wrong. I will suggest that it can be counterproductive to try to hide the ugly truth from children that the world is often not a nice place, that there are prejudiced people and who you are can impact how other people react to you, among other things. I have been slow to take off my rose-colored glasses and get better at handling bad actors in a more tactical fashion. Girls tend to be taught to worry about the feelings of other people more than their own and to conform to social expectations and to cave to social pressure. Trying to live up to high ideals about all people deserving to be treated well while I was not being treated well by them was something of an Achilles Heel for me. That seems to generalize. I seem to not be the only woman who keeps trying to find some high road long after it's become obvious that the person in question is simply abusive and taking advantage.

notsureaboutpg 5y ago
>Girls tend to be taught to worry about the feelings of other people more than their own and to conform to social expectations and to cave to social pressure. Trying to live up to high ideals about all people deserving to be treated well while I was not being treated well by them was something of an Achilles Heel for me. This is an assertion many people make without any actual factual basis or proof. It sounds like what we think is true so we believe it is true, but that's often how many societies make their biggest blunders. >I seem to not be the only woman who keeps trying to find some high road long after it's become obvious that the person in question is simply abusive and taking advantage. Most people do this. In fact this is a teaching of Jesus Christ, to turn the other cheek even in extreme and dangerous circumstances. I'm not Christian, but it's the largest religion in the US, so you could presume most people would learn this trait (wrong or right as it may be). And you could assume that their religious upbringing is more influential on them than some cryptic, unable to pinpoint, way in which "people" teach girls one thing and teach boys another thing about how to be respected.
chillwaves 5y ago
I value your perspective. Thank you.
ptr2voidStar 5y ago
I am glad we have some women amongst us. Too many people in here suffer from "silo thinking"
bourgwaletariat 5y ago
> long after it's become obvious that the person in question is simply abusive and taking advantage. Do you consciously notice this change in your own perspective? In real time? I only do this in retrospect. I can look back and see the thing that should have been obvious, but wasn't at the time. All the red flags. I have found my ability to detect them has accelerated and my tolerance for them has declined. We are supposed to be tolerant, work hard, do more, stay late, go the extra mile... and, as you said, it's taken advantage of. At some point, I realize people are taking advantage of my good nature. And so then I just walk away. But I wish I could not feel bad about it. Guilty somehow.

ziml77 5y ago

If this can be taught to children then it absolutely should be. Feeling like nothing is under your control is guaranteed to lead to stress and anxiety.

ixacto 5y ago
CRT teaching and COVID-lockdown related psychosis is going to lead to more adolescent health crises e.g. Columbines than we can imagine. This is going to cause issues with a whole generation of kids until we realize the damage it’s done and ban it.

im3w1l 5y ago

Personally I believing in telling people the truth. Neither telling people that they are helpless victims, nor that they have control over everything. Simply that they have some degree of influence. The serenity prayer: "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference."