The irony for me is that they're not being asked to learn something new, they're being asked to learn something vintage. A full modern gnome/KDE desktop enviro

The irony for me is that they're not being asked to learn something new, they're being asked to learn something vintage. A full modern gnome/KDE desktop environment might be a lot more user-friendly than, eg, blackbox - but they also price you out of the 20-year-old laptop. OP wants to have their cake and eat it - and they can, but it will require a bigger plate.