5 ms·

I don't mean to be glib, but, are you saying women who are in a poor state are desirable? I don't think so... Is it bad that women don't find some men attractiv

I don't mean to be glib, but, are you saying women who are in a poor state are desirable? I don't think so... Is it bad that women don't find some men attractive, when those same men probably wouldn't find some women attractive? I apologize if that misconstrues your opinion, but I've heard it elsewhere before: that somehow women 'should' be more forgiving of unattractiveness than men are, and that's really weird to me. Women don't owe it to any men to find them desirable, and vice-versa.

skystarman 5y ago
I have no data on this but my anecdata tells me that if a woman is in a poor state but is attractive plenty of men will be willing to treat her nicely and not consider her "pathetic" at least long enough to sleep with her. Doesn't really work the same way for dudes
- kaba0 5y ago
  And how is it a good rebuttal? It means that some men would exploit a women in poor mental health for a one-nighter.. They will most definitely not put up with her illness and dump her after a short play. The only difference is that a “weak men” may not be as desirable to have a one-nighter with.
  - llampx 5y ago
    Yup men bad.
    - kaba0 5y ago
      some
medicineman 5y ago
With how much advice there is in dealing with BPD women, yeah, I would say they are desirable despite being in an extreme poor state.
_zmos 5y ago
actually, i do personally prefer women of poor, humble backgrounds myself. and believe it or not, since i'm just a random person on the internet, i'm actually worth $15m (from inheritance) so it's not like i'm trying to date within my class or something.
letonmorri 5y ago
Yes its more common than you think, in fact in the hiphop community has a slur that was created for men like that called "captain save a ho".
everdrive 5y ago
>Is it bad that women don't find some men attractive, Not at all, especially because it's most likely that they can't help it. It'd be like asking me to find ugly girls sexually attractive. Even if I felt it would be the best the to do morally, I couldn't will myself to it: it's out of my control for the most part. And so it is with women: we really shouldn't hate someone for their innate preferences. (and especially we shouldn't hate a whole class of people -- 51% of them in fact!) I think the primary problem here is that idealists have tried to force beliefs that they think are the "best" beliefs, but many of these don't match up with reality. When I finally learned how women work, I didn't become some bitter incel; rather, I met the woman of my dreams, and we've been happily married for almost 8 years. The relationship with her has been the only really successful relationship I've had, in my opinion. What changed? Well, it's too long to get into all the details here, but I started discarding nearly all of the dating advice I'd gotten from peers, TV, movies, etc.
- paulryanrogers 5y ago
  > I started discarding nearly all of the dating advice I'd gotten from peers, TV, movies, etc. What seems to have worked in my circles is simply lowering overly high expectations. It is interesting how long some are willing to wait, pining away, for that perfect match when they themselves are ... not exceptionally attractive.
- gautamcgoel 5y ago
  Can you please expand on what you learned? I'm sure those of us in their twenties would love to hear more.
  - deleted 5y ago
    [deleted]
  - deleted 5y ago
    [deleted]
  - everdrive 5y ago
    I wrote a pretty long reply here, but it's apparently too long for HN. Do you happen to know a good place I could post it?

skystarman 5y ago

I have no data on this but my anecdata tells me that if a woman is in a poor state but is attractive plenty of men will be willing to treat her nicely and not consider her "pathetic" at least long enough to sleep with her. Doesn't really work the same way for dudes

kaba0 5y ago
And how is it a good rebuttal? It means that some men would exploit a women in poor mental health for a one-nighter.. They will most definitely not put up with her illness and dump her after a short play. The only difference is that a “weak men” may not be as desirable to have a one-nighter with.
- llampx 5y ago
  Yup men bad.
  - kaba0 5y ago
    some

medicineman 5y ago

With how much advice there is in dealing with BPD women, yeah, I would say they are desirable despite being in an extreme poor state.

_zmos 5y ago

actually, i do personally prefer women of poor, humble backgrounds myself. and believe it or not, since i'm just a random person on the internet, i'm actually worth $15m (from inheritance) so it's not like i'm trying to date within my class or something.

letonmorri 5y ago

Yes its more common than you think, in fact in the hiphop community has a slur that was created for men like that called "captain save a ho".

everdrive 5y ago

>Is it bad that women don't find some men attractive, Not at all, especially because it's most likely that they can't help it. It'd be like asking me to find ugly girls sexually attractive. Even if I felt it would be the best the to do morally, I couldn't will myself to it: it's out of my control for the most part. And so it is with women: we really shouldn't hate someone for their innate preferences. (and especially we shouldn't hate a whole class of people -- 51% of them in fact!) I think the primary problem here is that idealists have tried to force beliefs that they think are the "best" beliefs, but many of these don't match up with reality. When I finally learned how women work, I didn't become some bitter incel; rather, I met the woman of my dreams, and we've been happily married for almost 8 years. The relationship with her has been the only really successful relationship I've had, in my opinion. What changed? Well, it's too long to get into all the details here, but I started discarding nearly all of the dating advice I'd gotten from peers, TV, movies, etc.

paulryanrogers 5y ago
> I started discarding nearly all of the dating advice I'd gotten from peers, TV, movies, etc. What seems to have worked in my circles is simply lowering overly high expectations. It is interesting how long some are willing to wait, pining away, for that perfect match when they themselves are ... not exceptionally attractive.
gautamcgoel 5y ago
Can you please expand on what you learned? I'm sure those of us in their twenties would love to hear more.
- deleted 5y ago
  [deleted]
- deleted 5y ago
  [deleted]
- everdrive 5y ago
  I wrote a pretty long reply here, but it's apparently too long for HN. Do you happen to know a good place I could post it?