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Your experience is different from many others in a few regards. I assume that either you can afford to continue have more children, or you're no longer capable

by nkrisc 6y ago

Your experience is different from many others in a few regards. I assume that either you can afford to continue have more children, or you're no longer capable of conceiving. There are many monogamous married couples in the US who must use hormonal birth control or other contraception simply because they can not afford to raise another (or any) child. Childcare is expensive and very little is subsidized by the government to encourage more people to have children. Even simply giving birth is enough to financially ruin some people, and again the government does very little to subsidize this to encourage more people to have children. In fact, many political candidates run on platforms of doing away with anything that might actually enable families to be able to afford to have children, so it's no surprise at all that many people are using birth control, whether they're married or not. You seem pretty fortunate to be in a position where you can afford to have unprotected sex with your wife, because many people can't afford that luxury. Perhaps it's no surprise they're depressed with unfulfilling sex lives.

iammisc 6y ago
My wife and I used natural family planning (ovulation tracking) with great success when we were not having children. We had our first child four years into marriage (conceived quickly). We have never gone more than a few months without conceiving, when we have had sex freely. When tracking cycles, we've gone years.
- nkrisc 6y ago
  That's great. It doesn't work for everyone nor is it guaranteed. When your financial stability is tenuous, it seems far more prudent to use more reliable methods, or even to layer multiple methods. I personally know people who used that method; it didn't work. Conversely my wife and I have used that method with the intention of getting pregnant, and it still took a while because accurately tracking it can be difficult for a variety of reasons.
  - iammisc 6y ago
    I'm trying to have a productive conversation here. The original question was about how to avoid dead bedrooms, and I gave my opinion as well as empirical evidence to back it up. I can't comment on the efficacy of birth control. I can say that we have been in fairly financially unstable times, and I have not found that children cost very much, although I can certainly see how some could spend lots of money on them. If you want to discuss more about having a good sex life, I'm happy to engage but don't want to get derailed by the contraceptive argument. I will say I'd rather have ten kids, less money and a good marriage than a few kids, lots of money and a terrible marriage.
    - nkrisc 6y ago
      I’m not derailing, I’m making a point that there are many external factors involved. You provided some good tips for avoiding a dead bedroom. My point is that the feasibility of those can depend on other circumstances which tie directly into how society at large cares - or doesn’t - for its members. And this greater issue that the article is about is a societal problem. The implication I took away from your original post is that birth control and lack of conservative religious social mores is partly responsible, and I don’t think that’s the whole picture. There are other societal issues that help lead us to the situation we’re in, some of which are directly caused by conservative approaches to society. I’m not trying to bash conservatism or religion, but the point I’m making is that it is not without it’s own issues and contributions to other problems. Lastly it’s not a dichotomy between rich and childless and poor with loads of kids, there are certainly families of 3 or 4 that might want more kids but worry that another might make it harder to provide the same as they have been for their current kids.
      - iammisc 6y ago
        External factors are involved in all aspects of life. Your experience of life depends on what you prioritize
souprock 6y ago
Childcare expense has a natural limit: the income of one parent. I have a dozen kids, and I certainly do not attempt to pay for childcare. The kids have a mother to care for them. It's interesting to ponder how close people might be to hitting that natural limit. Some have gone over it, perhaps without realizing so. There must be many people who would save money by parenting their own kids.

by nkrisc 6y ago

iammisc 6y ago

My wife and I used natural family planning (ovulation tracking) with great success when we were not having children. We had our first child four years into marriage (conceived quickly). We have never gone more than a few months without conceiving, when we have had sex freely. When tracking cycles, we've gone years.

nkrisc 6y ago
That's great. It doesn't work for everyone nor is it guaranteed. When your financial stability is tenuous, it seems far more prudent to use more reliable methods, or even to layer multiple methods. I personally know people who used that method; it didn't work. Conversely my wife and I have used that method with the intention of getting pregnant, and it still took a while because accurately tracking it can be difficult for a variety of reasons.
- iammisc 6y ago
  I'm trying to have a productive conversation here. The original question was about how to avoid dead bedrooms, and I gave my opinion as well as empirical evidence to back it up. I can't comment on the efficacy of birth control. I can say that we have been in fairly financially unstable times, and I have not found that children cost very much, although I can certainly see how some could spend lots of money on them. If you want to discuss more about having a good sex life, I'm happy to engage but don't want to get derailed by the contraceptive argument. I will say I'd rather have ten kids, less money and a good marriage than a few kids, lots of money and a terrible marriage.
  - nkrisc 6y ago
    I’m not derailing, I’m making a point that there are many external factors involved. You provided some good tips for avoiding a dead bedroom. My point is that the feasibility of those can depend on other circumstances which tie directly into how society at large cares - or doesn’t - for its members. And this greater issue that the article is about is a societal problem. The implication I took away from your original post is that birth control and lack of conservative religious social mores is partly responsible, and I don’t think that’s the whole picture. There are other societal issues that help lead us to the situation we’re in, some of which are directly caused by conservative approaches to society. I’m not trying to bash conservatism or religion, but the point I’m making is that it is not without it’s own issues and contributions to other problems. Lastly it’s not a dichotomy between rich and childless and poor with loads of kids, there are certainly families of 3 or 4 that might want more kids but worry that another might make it harder to provide the same as they have been for their current kids.
    - iammisc 6y ago
      External factors are involved in all aspects of life. Your experience of life depends on what you prioritize

souprock 6y ago

Childcare expense has a natural limit: the income of one parent. I have a dozen kids, and I certainly do not attempt to pay for childcare. The kids have a mother to care for them. It's interesting to ponder how close people might be to hitting that natural limit. Some have gone over it, perhaps without realizing so. There must be many people who would save money by parenting their own kids.