3 ms·

> Way to dogpile on people when they're down. > They're just jealous you can travel and play video games whenever you want. =) This comment comes off defensiv

> Way to dogpile on people when they're down. > They're just jealous you can travel and play video games whenever you want. =) This comment comes off defensive and hypocritical to me, rather than contributing to the conversation. You're basically saying we shouldn't talk about good things if some people don't have those good things; and also screw people with good things because they're actually jealous of the have-nots I think life is incomparably better with a partner. It's not a question and it's not even close: there's nothing I miss about being single and almost every single thing about my life today is better because I'm in a relationship than if I weren't. It's cheaper, I have someone to share the good times with, I have someone to support me in my bad times, I have a teammate for life's plans and adventures, and I never feel lonely. I can also travel and play video games whenever I want; in fact my partner often buys me videogames and I often buy her things for her to enjoy on her own. That's not dogpiling on anyone. It's not my fault if someone's single, and it may or may not be true that being in a (good) relationship would make them happier. It definitely makes me happier, and statistically it's a massive boost to quality of life for the vast majority of people. It's not fun to think that someone's worse off, but changing what you say doesn't change reality. This is meant to be a place where people can discuss ideas and concepts, and not talking about the benefits of relationships doesn't make them any less real.

landryraccoon 5y ago
To be frank, you response sounds a bit more defensive than mine. Are you arguing that if someone claims that it's possible to be perfectly content and happy while single, that that somehow undermines the happiness you've found with your partner, as if the mere claim that contentment can be found without a partner invalidates the fact that you're happy with your partner? I can easily read your response as saying something akin to: "You're single and happy? Nah. You only think you're happy because you haven't experienced true happiness. Only partnered people can truly experience the incomparable joy that I have found, unlike those benighted singles." You're happy with your partner. Good for you! That's awesome and amazing. But there's no reason to use that happiness as a reason to look down on other people.
- srean 5y ago
  Nowhere in the parent post does he seem looking down on anybody. Stating that life can be a whole lot better with the right partner is a morally neutral statement
- silicon2401 5y ago
  Your reading would be an unreasonable stretch, as I explicitly acknowledge in my comment that for a random person, > it may or may not be true that being in a (good) relationship would make them happier. I don't know if person XYZ would be happier single in a relationship, and I don't have an opinion on it. Everyone should be free to do what they want, whether or not it makes them happy, and I don't care either way. What I was disagreeing with were your implications that (1) just because some people are single and unhappy, nobody can talk about how good and happy relationships can be, and (2) talking about being in a happy relationship is "dogpiling" on unhappy, single people. To take your wording, there's no reason to use unhappiness as a reason to shut down conversation
  - deleted 5y ago
    [deleted]
EVa5I7bHFq9mnYK 5y ago
I have been single, then married, then single again. I can tell that for me single is better. So for each one its own. It irks me when someone tells other people what is good for them.
- kelnos 5y ago
  I don't think anyone is doing that. It's just the case that many (most?) people are happier and more fulfilled in a committed, long term relationship. It doesn't mean that there aren't people for whom that's not the case, and it doesn't mean that those people are somehow defective. But this entire post is about how some people get sad, angry, and/or hateful when they want to be in a relationship but continually fail at it. It seems off-topic and missing the point to bring up a "well, actually" about how some people don't want or need that.
newsat13 5y ago
This comment sounds so dismissive. And yet the first thing noted as benefits of a relationship is "cheaper". That's truly sad.
- silicon2401 5y ago
  Do you think it's sad if a couple has shared values and enjoys living those values together?. My partner and I are both very frugal, hoping to be able to retire early. We constantly celebrate how frugally we're able to live because we're together. Everything is half-off: housing, cars, groceries, travel, electronics. We each research different ways to save on bills, support each other to cut down on costs, research different aspects of saving and investing. You may not value frugality, but the cost savings of being in a relationship is undeniable and great for people who do value it.

landryraccoon 5y ago

To be frank, you response sounds a bit more defensive than mine. Are you arguing that if someone claims that it's possible to be perfectly content and happy while single, that that somehow undermines the happiness you've found with your partner, as if the mere claim that contentment can be found without a partner invalidates the fact that you're happy with your partner? I can easily read your response as saying something akin to: "You're single and happy? Nah. You only think you're happy because you haven't experienced true happiness. Only partnered people can truly experience the incomparable joy that I have found, unlike those benighted singles." You're happy with your partner. Good for you! That's awesome and amazing. But there's no reason to use that happiness as a reason to look down on other people.

srean 5y ago
Nowhere in the parent post does he seem looking down on anybody. Stating that life can be a whole lot better with the right partner is a morally neutral statement
silicon2401 5y ago
Your reading would be an unreasonable stretch, as I explicitly acknowledge in my comment that for a random person, > it may or may not be true that being in a (good) relationship would make them happier. I don't know if person XYZ would be happier single in a relationship, and I don't have an opinion on it. Everyone should be free to do what they want, whether or not it makes them happy, and I don't care either way. What I was disagreeing with were your implications that (1) just because some people are single and unhappy, nobody can talk about how good and happy relationships can be, and (2) talking about being in a happy relationship is "dogpiling" on unhappy, single people. To take your wording, there's no reason to use unhappiness as a reason to shut down conversation
- deleted 5y ago
  [deleted]

EVa5I7bHFq9mnYK 5y ago

I have been single, then married, then single again. I can tell that for me single is better. So for each one its own. It irks me when someone tells other people what is good for them.

kelnos 5y ago
I don't think anyone is doing that. It's just the case that many (most?) people are happier and more fulfilled in a committed, long term relationship. It doesn't mean that there aren't people for whom that's not the case, and it doesn't mean that those people are somehow defective. But this entire post is about how some people get sad, angry, and/or hateful when they want to be in a relationship but continually fail at it. It seems off-topic and missing the point to bring up a "well, actually" about how some people don't want or need that.

newsat13 5y ago

This comment sounds so dismissive. And yet the first thing noted as benefits of a relationship is "cheaper". That's truly sad.

silicon2401 5y ago
Do you think it's sad if a couple has shared values and enjoys living those values together?. My partner and I are both very frugal, hoping to be able to retire early. We constantly celebrate how frugally we're able to live because we're together. Everything is half-off: housing, cars, groceries, travel, electronics. We each research different ways to save on bills, support each other to cut down on costs, research different aspects of saving and investing. You may not value frugality, but the cost savings of being in a relationship is undeniable and great for people who do value it.