3 ms·
This is a long essay which raises problems but has no solutions, and so it is difficult to give a deeply coherent response to it which covers all of the points.
by at_a_remove 6y ago
This is a long essay which raises problems but has no solutions, and so it is difficult to give a deeply coherent response to it which covers all of the points. However, since it seems to focus, however nebulously, on "problems with/for men," I can attempt something.
When was the last time you hear someone mention "masculinity" without "toxic" leading out in front like a particularly ugly hood ornament? With that in mind, what are men going to do around one another, waving this big TOXIC badge around? Men's groups? Derided, often pried apart legally if they reach the level of some kind of club. Nor have individual bonds escaped notice: deep friendship between men, that's largely reformulated as "bromance," because of course men do not understand friendship, we have to make everything they do about the pursuit of sex.
You can hear from many married men about the sudden winnowing of their friendships based on the approval list. If you're a man who is a bachelor, you know that friendships with other bachelor men are different than friendship with married men, and quite a bit of the latter is the approval factor. Acceptable, if barely, would be a "sports bar" with boozy comments to near strangers about the performance of strangers; shallow, not deep.
And so modern society has atomized men. To stretch the metaphor further, we're pretty much only allowed covalent bonds with women. Being single is out. I can't tell you the number of times I have had a co-worker, invariably a woman, say "Don't you want a girlfriend?"
And thus our only real value is to serve as providers to women, if they'll have us. If not, well, we're certainly not supposed to hang out with one another and find other things fulfilling. Once men with such hunger would fork over their dollars at strip clubs; now a new generation has abstracted this away to OnlyFans, in keeping with the general trend that previous person-to-person interaction will eventually attract a corporation which wants to mediate this, for profit.
And the indoctrination goes so deep: Elliot Rodgers, misogynist, right? Kills twice as many men as women, but hey, is it like men count? When was the last time you heard of someone who shot and killed men referred to as a "misandrist"? Please, try to recall.
Frankly, the trend of demonizing men cannot continue forever and I suspect the repercussions will be disliked, but so many seem to focus on staying that particular course, full speed ahead. I'm out of the game myself (one might argue that I never really entered the field), but I cannot help but feel tremendously for the young men today.