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Actively not enjoying single life is a reasonable state of being. Not desirable, but not a mental health issue. Being measurably happier with a partner in you

Actively not enjoying single life is a reasonable state of being. Not desirable, but not a mental health issue. Being measurably happier with a partner in your life is a positive outcome, indeed is one we should all strive for (or why bother)

Trasmatta 5y ago
But what I'm responding to is the idea that if you're only ever happy when your partner is there, there's likely something wrong. I didn't even really bring up single life. > indeed is one we should all strive for (or why bother) What do you mean by this? Why bother with what? (As an aside, I actually don't think that being in a relationship is something that all people need to strive for.)
- xboxnolifes 5y ago
  > > indeed is one we should all strive for (or why bother) > What do you mean by this? Why bother with what? Why bother finding a partner. If you aren't measurably happier with a partner, why go through the effort of finding one?
  - void_mint 5y ago
    An inability to be happy without a person is not the same as a person making you happy. "I'm miserable when my partner isn't around", is not the same as "I'm happier when my partner is around". Does that make sense?
    - xboxnolifes 5y ago
      That isn't what I was replying to.
      - void_mint 5y ago
        > Why bother finding a partner. > "I'm happier when my partner is around"
plus 5y ago
Being miserable whenever you aren't around your partner does rise to the level of a mental health issue, I feel. You aren't going to be around your partner 24/7/365, and it's not healthy or reasonable to spend that away time in misery.
piva00 5y ago
But you are moving the goalposts, the statement in discussion is this: > I got absurdly lucky when I found my wife, but I spent every day without her more or less miserable. This is not healthy, doesn't matter how much you care about your partner and relationship. Feeling miserable every day without someone is not a good sign. You can be much happier when you are with your partner, you can enjoy to spend most days with your partner, that's natural. Not enjoying a single day without them is pretty alarming.
- kova12 5y ago
  Don't you think this might have been figure of speech rather than statement of fact?
  - piva00 5y ago
    No, I really don't given the whole paragraph: > I was a bit of an oddity in that I was anticipating marriage since early adolescence; that outsized-value for relationships came with what I feel were comparably overgrown feelings of loneliness. I got absurdly lucky when I found my wife, but I spent every day without her more or less miserable. It’s arguable she’s the only reason I’m able to be happy. I imagine some of these men are similar to me in the loneliness and not as lucky in finding someone, and it’s impossible for me to not feel something.
- kingsuper20 5y ago
  >Feeling miserable every day without someone is not a good sign. I would guess that the main issue here becomes the tendency for folks to become housebound. Retirement is no joke in terms of becoming inwardly focused.
- sokoloff 5y ago
  I feel like you're reading that text differently. I don't think they're saying "if my wife or I are apart for a few days [business trip or something], then I'm miserable", but rather "I was miserable before I found the relationship with my wife, but we can perfectly well be apart for normal business trips without issue."

Trasmatta 5y ago

But what I'm responding to is the idea that if you're only ever happy when your partner is there, there's likely something wrong. I didn't even really bring up single life. > indeed is one we should all strive for (or why bother) What do you mean by this? Why bother with what? (As an aside, I actually don't think that being in a relationship is something that all people need to strive for.)

xboxnolifes 5y ago
> > indeed is one we should all strive for (or why bother) > What do you mean by this? Why bother with what? Why bother finding a partner. If you aren't measurably happier with a partner, why go through the effort of finding one?
- void_mint 5y ago
  An inability to be happy without a person is not the same as a person making you happy. "I'm miserable when my partner isn't around", is not the same as "I'm happier when my partner is around". Does that make sense?
  - xboxnolifes 5y ago
    That isn't what I was replying to.
    - void_mint 5y ago
      > Why bother finding a partner. > "I'm happier when my partner is around"

plus 5y ago

Being miserable whenever you aren't around your partner does rise to the level of a mental health issue, I feel. You aren't going to be around your partner 24/7/365, and it's not healthy or reasonable to spend that away time in misery.

piva00 5y ago

But you are moving the goalposts, the statement in discussion is this: > I got absurdly lucky when I found my wife, but I spent every day without her more or less miserable. This is not healthy, doesn't matter how much you care about your partner and relationship. Feeling miserable every day without someone is not a good sign. You can be much happier when you are with your partner, you can enjoy to spend most days with your partner, that's natural. Not enjoying a single day without them is pretty alarming.

kova12 5y ago
Don't you think this might have been figure of speech rather than statement of fact?
- piva00 5y ago
  No, I really don't given the whole paragraph: > I was a bit of an oddity in that I was anticipating marriage since early adolescence; that outsized-value for relationships came with what I feel were comparably overgrown feelings of loneliness. I got absurdly lucky when I found my wife, but I spent every day without her more or less miserable. It’s arguable she’s the only reason I’m able to be happy. I imagine some of these men are similar to me in the loneliness and not as lucky in finding someone, and it’s impossible for me to not feel something.
kingsuper20 5y ago
>Feeling miserable every day without someone is not a good sign. I would guess that the main issue here becomes the tendency for folks to become housebound. Retirement is no joke in terms of becoming inwardly focused.
sokoloff 5y ago
I feel like you're reading that text differently. I don't think they're saying "if my wife or I are apart for a few days [business trip or something], then I'm miserable", but rather "I was miserable before I found the relationship with my wife, but we can perfectly well be apart for normal business trips without issue."