5 ms·

Some of my best friends are women and have been there for me in ways that my other guy friends certainly haven't during bouts of loneliness during times of lock

by colmvp 5y ago

Some of my best friends are women and have been there for me in ways that my other guy friends certainly haven't during bouts of loneliness during times of lockdowns. But perhaps it is different when it comes to partners.

serverholic 5y ago
Assuming you're a straight male, I dare you to cry in front of your girlfriend/wife.
- gehatare 5y ago
  I've done that with multiple girlfriends and it never was a problem? How do you expect them to react?
  - serverholic 5y ago
    To quote a post on reddit: > I've cried in front of maybe three SOs. In each case, they were very understanding and empathic about it and their sexual attraction toward me started a gradual but inexorable slide to zero. > I've learned my lesson.
    - kelnos 5y ago
      Ah yes, reddit, that great bastion of facts and well-sourced research. If you're a man and you're with a woman who stops being attracted to you because you've cried in front of her, that's a great thing, because you've dodged a bullet, and found a strong signal that you should find a better girlfriend.
      - serverholic 5y ago
        I wouldn’t be talking about this if I hadn’t experienced it and seen it myself. If you want to roll the dice then fine. But some of us are sick of being hurt and seeing others getting hurt.
        InvertedRhodium 5y ago
        I think this speaks more about the type of woman you're attracted to more so than women in general. Literally the only person I speak to about emotions, and make myself generally vulnerable around, is my partner. In fact, I think this is common enough that it contributes in part to the high suicide rates for divorced men as opposed to divorced women [0] - women have friends that they can lean on emotionally during this time while men don't typically cultivate that kind of relationship. [0] - https://jech.bmj.com/content/57/12/993 https://jech.bmj.com/content/57/12/993
        serverholic 5y ago
        Ah so now it’s my fault for being attracted to the wrong women huh? Nothing can ever be a woman’s fault.
        InvertedRhodium 5y ago
        The only person who is in a position to judge whether a woman (or man) is right or wrong for you is yourself. Any judgement or blame you read in my message is a product of your own mind - we've all got our own type, yours just appears to skew towards one region on the plot.
        kaba0 5y ago
        I’m sorry about what happened to you, but generalizing is unfair, when provably it is not true of many (or even most) women.
        serverholic 5y ago
        The fact that men, in general, are so scared to show their emotions suggests that this is extremely common.
        kaba0 5y ago
        Or maybe it is due to not being socially acceptable for many generations before, so that men grew up hearing that you should be strong, get over it, etc? And especially the other guys make “weakness” into a weakness, not women, though of course they also uphold the attributed social status to the genders.
- _carbyau_ 5y ago
  I do generally once a month with zero issue. This "men don't cry" thing is a point of toxic masculinity. Men and women both perpetuate it. 'Tis silly.
  - serverholic 5y ago
    I'd say what we're talking about is both toxic masculinity and toxic femininity working together.
- troway357924 5y ago
  I'll never forget the girlfriend who when I showed emotional vulnerability grabbed that knife and twisted it in the wound, telling me to man up. More painful than the immediate situation was the realization that I couldn't rely on her, that she was a fairweather girlfriend. Yes I broke up with her and yes I talked to a therapist about it. Never had a guy say anything like that to me. Other girlfriends have been there for me and were very supportive. Maybe some parts of toxic masculinity are perpetuated more by women and the media than other men.
  - defterGoose 5y ago
    | Maybe some parts of toxic masculinity are perpetuated more by women and the media than other men. Absolutely. During the Kavanaugh confirmation process I was blown away by how many women spouted off the "boys will be boys" excuse. It was frankly disgusting. In a similar way, the body image problems that so many women have are very much driven by male ideals about beauty.
- RhysU 5y ago
  ... Outside of grieving death. Grieving death is acceptable within a short period of the loss.

by colmvp 5y ago

serverholic 5y ago

Assuming you're a straight male, I dare you to cry in front of your girlfriend/wife.

gehatare 5y ago
I've done that with multiple girlfriends and it never was a problem? How do you expect them to react?
- serverholic 5y ago
  To quote a post on reddit: > I've cried in front of maybe three SOs. In each case, they were very understanding and empathic about it and their sexual attraction toward me started a gradual but inexorable slide to zero. > I've learned my lesson.
  - kelnos 5y ago
    Ah yes, reddit, that great bastion of facts and well-sourced research. If you're a man and you're with a woman who stops being attracted to you because you've cried in front of her, that's a great thing, because you've dodged a bullet, and found a strong signal that you should find a better girlfriend.
    - serverholic 5y ago
      I wouldn’t be talking about this if I hadn’t experienced it and seen it myself. If you want to roll the dice then fine. But some of us are sick of being hurt and seeing others getting hurt.
      - InvertedRhodium 5y ago
        I think this speaks more about the type of woman you're attracted to more so than women in general. Literally the only person I speak to about emotions, and make myself generally vulnerable around, is my partner. In fact, I think this is common enough that it contributes in part to the high suicide rates for divorced men as opposed to divorced women [0] - women have friends that they can lean on emotionally during this time while men don't typically cultivate that kind of relationship. [0] - https://jech.bmj.com/content/57/12/993 https://jech.bmj.com/content/57/12/993
        serverholic 5y ago
        Ah so now it’s my fault for being attracted to the wrong women huh? Nothing can ever be a woman’s fault.
        InvertedRhodium 5y ago
        The only person who is in a position to judge whether a woman (or man) is right or wrong for you is yourself. Any judgement or blame you read in my message is a product of your own mind - we've all got our own type, yours just appears to skew towards one region on the plot.
      - kaba0 5y ago
        I’m sorry about what happened to you, but generalizing is unfair, when provably it is not true of many (or even most) women.
        serverholic 5y ago
        The fact that men, in general, are so scared to show their emotions suggests that this is extremely common.
        kaba0 5y ago
        Or maybe it is due to not being socially acceptable for many generations before, so that men grew up hearing that you should be strong, get over it, etc? And especially the other guys make “weakness” into a weakness, not women, though of course they also uphold the attributed social status to the genders.
_carbyau_ 5y ago
I do generally once a month with zero issue. This "men don't cry" thing is a point of toxic masculinity. Men and women both perpetuate it. 'Tis silly.
- serverholic 5y ago
  I'd say what we're talking about is both toxic masculinity and toxic femininity working together.
troway357924 5y ago
I'll never forget the girlfriend who when I showed emotional vulnerability grabbed that knife and twisted it in the wound, telling me to man up. More painful than the immediate situation was the realization that I couldn't rely on her, that she was a fairweather girlfriend. Yes I broke up with her and yes I talked to a therapist about it. Never had a guy say anything like that to me. Other girlfriends have been there for me and were very supportive. Maybe some parts of toxic masculinity are perpetuated more by women and the media than other men.
- defterGoose 5y ago
  | Maybe some parts of toxic masculinity are perpetuated more by women and the media than other men. Absolutely. During the Kavanaugh confirmation process I was blown away by how many women spouted off the "boys will be boys" excuse. It was frankly disgusting. In a similar way, the body image problems that so many women have are very much driven by male ideals about beauty.
RhysU 5y ago
... Outside of grieving death. Grieving death is acceptable within a short period of the loss.