20 ms·

Religious couples tend to have the most fulfilling sex lives. Conservative religious couples have the best: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7060099/Hig

Religious couples tend to have the most fulfilling sex lives. Conservative religious couples have the best: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7060099/Highly-religious-couples-better-sex-lives-secular-counterparts-survey-reveals.html https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7060099/Highly-reli... Myself, as a highly conservative married man, my findings confirm the daily mail article, esp. when I look at the sex lives of my married friends who were more libertine in their youth. EDIT: A few theories: 1. My wife is not on birth control, which means she ovulates, and thus has the normal cyclical female sex drive. Her desires during ovulation are way past mine, even if my average is higher than hers. I believe this is why modern men feel so undesirable -- most women are taking hormones that directly affect how attractive they perceive their men to be. 2. No points of comparison. I have no point of comparison with other women. At this point my sexual response, probably through repeated exposure, is finely tuned to my wife. I have fantasies, like any man, but the vividness of my lived experience far surpasses them in excitement. 3. No pornography. I'm not saying I've been perfect, but my religion believes that consuming pornography (same with masturbation) leads to hell, so it's not something I typically do. I have a high sex drive as a result, and instead of masturbating, we have sex instead. 4. No condoms. Similar to number 1. Sex without a condom is better. We tried it once (in violation of my religion) and it was awful. I wouldn't describe it as the same experience. I'm pretty sure there's something in each of our secretions that makes no condom sex better. I'm not a sex scientist, but this is my observation.

thrower123 5y ago
I would suspect that usage of antidepressants is lower in highly religious couples. The one-two combo of antidepressants and hormonal birth control absolutely destroy libido.
- kingsuper20 5y ago
  Hah. That's an interesting point. It seems to me that people could stand to turn these issues into sub-issues. I can't see much similarity between undersexed 25 year olds (typically male) and 60 year old couples who are either constructed differently or have health issues. My main take-away is to heavily invest in sex robots and teledildonics.
didibus 5y ago
That survey describes personal satisfaction. So it doesn't mean that they have more sex, or better sex, simply that to their own standards and expectations they are satisfied with their sex life. With this in mind, I'm not surprised that religious couple feel more satisfied. Having said that, maybe society does set unrealistic expectations when it comes to sex, and it's possible that skews people's perspective and make them all feel like everyone else is having more and better sex, which in turn renders them disatisfied. So I'm not putting judgement either way, but this seem like a good explanation to me. Another aspect is knowing better. If you've ever only had Nescafé, you'll still enjoy it and be satisfied with it as your daily coffee driver. But if you've had top notch espresso from world class baristas, you might no longer be able to enjoy Nescafé the same way you used too. Does this apply to sex, I don't know fully, but I think it could be, and religious couple would tend to have less points of comparison, so that could similarly drive them to be able to continuously enjoy and be satisfied with what they have. Don't take my coffee comparison too literal, "better" with sex doesn't mean like better partner or anything like that, I think just means memories of better times you've had having sex, of more excitement, choice, and all that. I know some people who have an ex-girlfriend, or a one night stand where they still remember that as their best sex. It might often be more because they were simply younger and it was more new to them, then anything to do with the person in itself. And clearly those would have been terrible partners for them. But that memory kind of hunts them with being satisfied in their current relationship sexually, as they can't help but compare one with the other. This is just all hypothetical, don't take it as ground truth, I'm only exploring the phenomenon.
- kelnos 5y ago
  I'm on your side here (in that I have little patience or care for religious dogma around anything, let alone sex), but I think the point you bring up argues the opposite of what you're arguing. > That survey describes personal satisfaction. So it doesn't mean that they have more sex, or better sex, simply that to their own standards and expectations they are satisfied with their sex life. The thing is, that's literally all that matters in this kind of survey. If I'm 10-out-of-10 happy, that is objectively better than someone who is 7-out-of-10 happy, even if those numbers were arrived at via subjective means. Wouldn't you rather be the guy who says "I literally could not be happier", vs. the guy who says "I'm pretty damn happy, but my life is still lacking in some ways"? Ignorance really can be bliss, sometimes. Your "knowing better" argument is probably a big factor. But isn't that an argument for only having sex with one person? If you end up enjoying sex with that person, then you have nothing to compare it to; most importantly, nothing to compare it to unfavorably. If you don't end up enjoying sex with that person, then yes, you do have a problem. But the survey data seems to suggest that lifelong-monogamy must not produce that outcome often enough to matter. Not saying everyone should opt for religiously-motivated lifelong monogamy. It's definitely not something I was ever interested in. But obviously there are benefits to it, or no one would do it. (Well, ok, true believers might cite fear of divine consequences as their reason for doing it, which isn't great.)
TameAntelope 5y ago
A lot of this stuff is just fact to you, isn't it? It's hard to engage when some of the things you talk about here seem immutable to you but are not even reasonable points of contention to me. "Pornography leads to hell" <- how can we really have a conversation about any of this if you're making blanket statements about some of the content, especially when the statement is so negative? Obviously if hell were real and if pornography certainly led to eternal condemnation in hell, pornography would be bad, but neither of those "if" statements really lead for much discussion. What was the goal of your comment?
- iammisc 5y ago
  I believe pornography leads to hell, yes. I also believe that, even if you didn't believe that, it would lead to unhappy marriages? You should feel free to argue to me the benefits of pornography, though.
  - TameAntelope 5y ago
    I think entering into an argument knowing you won't change your mind is disingenuous, and I think your argument that pornography leads to unhappy marriages hinges on the idea that pornography leads to hell, otherwise you wouldn't have mentioned it. It's actually the only reason you've given, and then you built your conclusion on top of it. My point is by bringing religion into the conversation, you ratcheted up the severity to an 11, since the negative consequences of religion tend to be literally the worst thing you can experience for all of eternity. Before it was a tough conversation about sex, and now it's a tough conversation about sex where if you get it wrong, you're doomed to hell. At a certain point, I'm left to wonder what your intention actually was, and I'm running out of positive options. For example, you created a throwaway, and I'm curious about what I'm supposed to take away from that decision.
    - iammisc 5y ago
      > I think your argument that pornography leads to unhappy marriages hinges on the idea that pornography leads to hell, otherwise you wouldn't have mentioned it. It's actually the only reason you've given, and then you built your conclusion on top of it. Actually, the argument pornography leads to hell would suggest I think porn makes for a more pleasurable marriage since things that lead to hell typically are extremely fun. I believe porn leads to unhappy marriages because it causes comparisons, and it causes men to desire things that are not the traditional sex I believe is the most fun and fulfilling. For example, I think it causes men to seek a dopamine rush in sex, like the dopamine rush they get from porn, instead of the connection with another human being that I believe leads to lasting happiness. EDIT: > For example, you created a throwaway Actually, this is not a throwaway. I created a new account because I had to close my previous ones for fear of being doxxed.
nkrisc 5y ago
Your experience is different from many others in a few regards. I assume that either you can afford to continue have more children, or you're no longer capable of conceiving. There are many monogamous married couples in the US who must use hormonal birth control or other contraception simply because they can not afford to raise another (or any) child. Childcare is expensive and very little is subsidized by the government to encourage more people to have children. Even simply giving birth is enough to financially ruin some people, and again the government does very little to subsidize this to encourage more people to have children. In fact, many political candidates run on platforms of doing away with anything that might actually enable families to be able to afford to have children, so it's no surprise at all that many people are using birth control, whether they're married or not. You seem pretty fortunate to be in a position where you can afford to have unprotected sex with your wife, because many people can't afford that luxury. Perhaps it's no surprise they're depressed with unfulfilling sex lives.
- iammisc 5y ago
  My wife and I used natural family planning (ovulation tracking) with great success when we were not having children. We had our first child four years into marriage (conceived quickly). We have never gone more than a few months without conceiving, when we have had sex freely. When tracking cycles, we've gone years.
  - nkrisc 5y ago
    That's great. It doesn't work for everyone nor is it guaranteed. When your financial stability is tenuous, it seems far more prudent to use more reliable methods, or even to layer multiple methods. I personally know people who used that method; it didn't work. Conversely my wife and I have used that method with the intention of getting pregnant, and it still took a while because accurately tracking it can be difficult for a variety of reasons.
    - iammisc 5y ago
      I'm trying to have a productive conversation here. The original question was about how to avoid dead bedrooms, and I gave my opinion as well as empirical evidence to back it up. I can't comment on the efficacy of birth control. I can say that we have been in fairly financially unstable times, and I have not found that children cost very much, although I can certainly see how some could spend lots of money on them. If you want to discuss more about having a good sex life, I'm happy to engage but don't want to get derailed by the contraceptive argument. I will say I'd rather have ten kids, less money and a good marriage than a few kids, lots of money and a terrible marriage.
gautamcgoel 5y ago
Thank you for sharing this perspective. Honestly, it was really interesting to hear about "traditional" sex, and make me realize just how unnatural most sex has become.
deleted 5y ago
[deleted]

thrower123 5y ago

I would suspect that usage of antidepressants is lower in highly religious couples. The one-two combo of antidepressants and hormonal birth control absolutely destroy libido.

kingsuper20 5y ago
Hah. That's an interesting point. It seems to me that people could stand to turn these issues into sub-issues. I can't see much similarity between undersexed 25 year olds (typically male) and 60 year old couples who are either constructed differently or have health issues. My main take-away is to heavily invest in sex robots and teledildonics.

didibus 5y ago

That survey describes personal satisfaction. So it doesn't mean that they have more sex, or better sex, simply that to their own standards and expectations they are satisfied with their sex life. With this in mind, I'm not surprised that religious couple feel more satisfied. Having said that, maybe society does set unrealistic expectations when it comes to sex, and it's possible that skews people's perspective and make them all feel like everyone else is having more and better sex, which in turn renders them disatisfied. So I'm not putting judgement either way, but this seem like a good explanation to me. Another aspect is knowing better. If you've ever only had Nescafé, you'll still enjoy it and be satisfied with it as your daily coffee driver. But if you've had top notch espresso from world class baristas, you might no longer be able to enjoy Nescafé the same way you used too. Does this apply to sex, I don't know fully, but I think it could be, and religious couple would tend to have less points of comparison, so that could similarly drive them to be able to continuously enjoy and be satisfied with what they have. Don't take my coffee comparison too literal, "better" with sex doesn't mean like better partner or anything like that, I think just means memories of better times you've had having sex, of more excitement, choice, and all that. I know some people who have an ex-girlfriend, or a one night stand where they still remember that as their best sex. It might often be more because they were simply younger and it was more new to them, then anything to do with the person in itself. And clearly those would have been terrible partners for them. But that memory kind of hunts them with being satisfied in their current relationship sexually, as they can't help but compare one with the other. This is just all hypothetical, don't take it as ground truth, I'm only exploring the phenomenon.

kelnos 5y ago
I'm on your side here (in that I have little patience or care for religious dogma around anything, let alone sex), but I think the point you bring up argues the opposite of what you're arguing. > That survey describes personal satisfaction. So it doesn't mean that they have more sex, or better sex, simply that to their own standards and expectations they are satisfied with their sex life. The thing is, that's literally all that matters in this kind of survey. If I'm 10-out-of-10 happy, that is objectively better than someone who is 7-out-of-10 happy, even if those numbers were arrived at via subjective means. Wouldn't you rather be the guy who says "I literally could not be happier", vs. the guy who says "I'm pretty damn happy, but my life is still lacking in some ways"? Ignorance really can be bliss, sometimes. Your "knowing better" argument is probably a big factor. But isn't that an argument for only having sex with one person? If you end up enjoying sex with that person, then you have nothing to compare it to; most importantly, nothing to compare it to unfavorably. If you don't end up enjoying sex with that person, then yes, you do have a problem. But the survey data seems to suggest that lifelong-monogamy must not produce that outcome often enough to matter. Not saying everyone should opt for religiously-motivated lifelong monogamy. It's definitely not something I was ever interested in. But obviously there are benefits to it, or no one would do it. (Well, ok, true believers might cite fear of divine consequences as their reason for doing it, which isn't great.)

TameAntelope 5y ago

A lot of this stuff is just fact to you, isn't it? It's hard to engage when some of the things you talk about here seem immutable to you but are not even reasonable points of contention to me. "Pornography leads to hell" <- how can we really have a conversation about any of this if you're making blanket statements about some of the content, especially when the statement is so negative? Obviously if hell were real and if pornography certainly led to eternal condemnation in hell, pornography would be bad, but neither of those "if" statements really lead for much discussion. What was the goal of your comment?

iammisc 5y ago
I believe pornography leads to hell, yes. I also believe that, even if you didn't believe that, it would lead to unhappy marriages? You should feel free to argue to me the benefits of pornography, though.
- TameAntelope 5y ago
  I think entering into an argument knowing you won't change your mind is disingenuous, and I think your argument that pornography leads to unhappy marriages hinges on the idea that pornography leads to hell, otherwise you wouldn't have mentioned it. It's actually the only reason you've given, and then you built your conclusion on top of it. My point is by bringing religion into the conversation, you ratcheted up the severity to an 11, since the negative consequences of religion tend to be literally the worst thing you can experience for all of eternity. Before it was a tough conversation about sex, and now it's a tough conversation about sex where if you get it wrong, you're doomed to hell. At a certain point, I'm left to wonder what your intention actually was, and I'm running out of positive options. For example, you created a throwaway, and I'm curious about what I'm supposed to take away from that decision.
  - iammisc 5y ago
    > I think your argument that pornography leads to unhappy marriages hinges on the idea that pornography leads to hell, otherwise you wouldn't have mentioned it. It's actually the only reason you've given, and then you built your conclusion on top of it. Actually, the argument pornography leads to hell would suggest I think porn makes for a more pleasurable marriage since things that lead to hell typically are extremely fun. I believe porn leads to unhappy marriages because it causes comparisons, and it causes men to desire things that are not the traditional sex I believe is the most fun and fulfilling. For example, I think it causes men to seek a dopamine rush in sex, like the dopamine rush they get from porn, instead of the connection with another human being that I believe leads to lasting happiness. EDIT: > For example, you created a throwaway Actually, this is not a throwaway. I created a new account because I had to close my previous ones for fear of being doxxed.

nkrisc 5y ago

Your experience is different from many others in a few regards. I assume that either you can afford to continue have more children, or you're no longer capable of conceiving. There are many monogamous married couples in the US who must use hormonal birth control or other contraception simply because they can not afford to raise another (or any) child. Childcare is expensive and very little is subsidized by the government to encourage more people to have children. Even simply giving birth is enough to financially ruin some people, and again the government does very little to subsidize this to encourage more people to have children. In fact, many political candidates run on platforms of doing away with anything that might actually enable families to be able to afford to have children, so it's no surprise at all that many people are using birth control, whether they're married or not. You seem pretty fortunate to be in a position where you can afford to have unprotected sex with your wife, because many people can't afford that luxury. Perhaps it's no surprise they're depressed with unfulfilling sex lives.

iammisc 5y ago
My wife and I used natural family planning (ovulation tracking) with great success when we were not having children. We had our first child four years into marriage (conceived quickly). We have never gone more than a few months without conceiving, when we have had sex freely. When tracking cycles, we've gone years.
- nkrisc 5y ago
  That's great. It doesn't work for everyone nor is it guaranteed. When your financial stability is tenuous, it seems far more prudent to use more reliable methods, or even to layer multiple methods. I personally know people who used that method; it didn't work. Conversely my wife and I have used that method with the intention of getting pregnant, and it still took a while because accurately tracking it can be difficult for a variety of reasons.
  - iammisc 5y ago
    I'm trying to have a productive conversation here. The original question was about how to avoid dead bedrooms, and I gave my opinion as well as empirical evidence to back it up. I can't comment on the efficacy of birth control. I can say that we have been in fairly financially unstable times, and I have not found that children cost very much, although I can certainly see how some could spend lots of money on them. If you want to discuss more about having a good sex life, I'm happy to engage but don't want to get derailed by the contraceptive argument. I will say I'd rather have ten kids, less money and a good marriage than a few kids, lots of money and a terrible marriage.

gautamcgoel 5y ago

Thank you for sharing this perspective. Honestly, it was really interesting to hear about "traditional" sex, and make me realize just how unnatural most sex has become.

deleted 5y ago

[deleted]