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> There is a bizarre (and imo destructive, and toxic) idea that seems to be running through tech especially that devotion to your partner is rooted in "jealousy

> There is a bizarre (and imo destructive, and toxic) idea that seems to be running through tech especially that devotion to your partner is rooted in "jealousy" I feel like you're responding to a different argument than the one that was posed above. They weren't saying that a deep devotion to your partner is bad at all. They were saying that if you're miserable every moment you're not with your partner, there is likely something wrong that needs to be addressed. Being able to be comfortable and happy even when your partner isn't around doesn't preclude you from having a devoted long term relationship. In fact, that feels like a recipe for a healthier long term relationship. Otherwise you can end up with codependency or separation anxiety.

Ntrails 6y ago
Actively not enjoying single life is a reasonable state of being. Not desirable, but not a mental health issue. Being measurably happier with a partner in your life is a positive outcome, indeed is one we should all strive for (or why bother)
- Trasmatta 6y ago
  But what I'm responding to is the idea that if you're only ever happy when your partner is there, there's likely something wrong. I didn't even really bring up single life. > indeed is one we should all strive for (or why bother) What do you mean by this? Why bother with what? (As an aside, I actually don't think that being in a relationship is something that all people need to strive for.)
  - xboxnolifes 6y ago
    > > indeed is one we should all strive for (or why bother) > What do you mean by this? Why bother with what? Why bother finding a partner. If you aren't measurably happier with a partner, why go through the effort of finding one?
    - void_mint 6y ago
      An inability to be happy without a person is not the same as a person making you happy. "I'm miserable when my partner isn't around", is not the same as "I'm happier when my partner is around". Does that make sense?
      - xboxnolifes 6y ago
        That isn't what I was replying to.
        void_mint 6y ago
        > Why bother finding a partner. > "I'm happier when my partner is around"
- plus 6y ago
  Being miserable whenever you aren't around your partner does rise to the level of a mental health issue, I feel. You aren't going to be around your partner 24/7/365, and it's not healthy or reasonable to spend that away time in misery.
- piva00 6y ago
  But you are moving the goalposts, the statement in discussion is this: > I got absurdly lucky when I found my wife, but I spent every day without her more or less miserable. This is not healthy, doesn't matter how much you care about your partner and relationship. Feeling miserable every day without someone is not a good sign. You can be much happier when you are with your partner, you can enjoy to spend most days with your partner, that's natural. Not enjoying a single day without them is pretty alarming.
  - kova12 6y ago
    Don't you think this might have been figure of speech rather than statement of fact?
    - piva00 6y ago
      No, I really don't given the whole paragraph: > I was a bit of an oddity in that I was anticipating marriage since early adolescence; that outsized-value for relationships came with what I feel were comparably overgrown feelings of loneliness. I got absurdly lucky when I found my wife, but I spent every day without her more or less miserable. It’s arguable she’s the only reason I’m able to be happy. I imagine some of these men are similar to me in the loneliness and not as lucky in finding someone, and it’s impossible for me to not feel something.
  - kingsuper20 6y ago
    >Feeling miserable every day without someone is not a good sign. I would guess that the main issue here becomes the tendency for folks to become housebound. Retirement is no joke in terms of becoming inwardly focused.
  - sokoloff 5y ago
    I feel like you're reading that text differently. I don't think they're saying "if my wife or I are apart for a few days [business trip or something], then I'm miserable", but rather "I was miserable before I found the relationship with my wife, but we can perfectly well be apart for normal business trips without issue."
deleted 6y ago
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Ntrails 6y ago

Actively not enjoying single life is a reasonable state of being. Not desirable, but not a mental health issue. Being measurably happier with a partner in your life is a positive outcome, indeed is one we should all strive for (or why bother)

Trasmatta 6y ago
But what I'm responding to is the idea that if you're only ever happy when your partner is there, there's likely something wrong. I didn't even really bring up single life. > indeed is one we should all strive for (or why bother) What do you mean by this? Why bother with what? (As an aside, I actually don't think that being in a relationship is something that all people need to strive for.)
- xboxnolifes 6y ago
  > > indeed is one we should all strive for (or why bother) > What do you mean by this? Why bother with what? Why bother finding a partner. If you aren't measurably happier with a partner, why go through the effort of finding one?
  - void_mint 6y ago
    An inability to be happy without a person is not the same as a person making you happy. "I'm miserable when my partner isn't around", is not the same as "I'm happier when my partner is around". Does that make sense?
    - xboxnolifes 6y ago
      That isn't what I was replying to.
      - void_mint 6y ago
        > Why bother finding a partner. > "I'm happier when my partner is around"
plus 6y ago
Being miserable whenever you aren't around your partner does rise to the level of a mental health issue, I feel. You aren't going to be around your partner 24/7/365, and it's not healthy or reasonable to spend that away time in misery.
piva00 6y ago
But you are moving the goalposts, the statement in discussion is this: > I got absurdly lucky when I found my wife, but I spent every day without her more or less miserable. This is not healthy, doesn't matter how much you care about your partner and relationship. Feeling miserable every day without someone is not a good sign. You can be much happier when you are with your partner, you can enjoy to spend most days with your partner, that's natural. Not enjoying a single day without them is pretty alarming.
- kova12 6y ago
  Don't you think this might have been figure of speech rather than statement of fact?
  - piva00 6y ago
    No, I really don't given the whole paragraph: > I was a bit of an oddity in that I was anticipating marriage since early adolescence; that outsized-value for relationships came with what I feel were comparably overgrown feelings of loneliness. I got absurdly lucky when I found my wife, but I spent every day without her more or less miserable. It’s arguable she’s the only reason I’m able to be happy. I imagine some of these men are similar to me in the loneliness and not as lucky in finding someone, and it’s impossible for me to not feel something.
- kingsuper20 6y ago
  >Feeling miserable every day without someone is not a good sign. I would guess that the main issue here becomes the tendency for folks to become housebound. Retirement is no joke in terms of becoming inwardly focused.
- sokoloff 5y ago
  I feel like you're reading that text differently. I don't think they're saying "if my wife or I are apart for a few days [business trip or something], then I'm miserable", but rather "I was miserable before I found the relationship with my wife, but we can perfectly well be apart for normal business trips without issue."

deleted 6y ago

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