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What I see very commonly(and what I experienced growing up) is that kids nowadays are given very, very little autonomy nowadays. Kids are confined to a very sma

What I see very commonly(and what I experienced growing up) is that kids nowadays are given very, very little autonomy nowadays. Kids are confined to a very small amount of space where they aren't allowed to play, explore, or be out of sight of a caregiver. At school, they are expected to behave like little adults. Rambunctiousness and energy are shamed. Socialization is relegated to a small period of recess or extracurriculars, both of which are monitored. Exercise isn't done on a regular basis. In this environment, it's natural for them to escape to a digital world where they can actually do what they want. When I was a kid in such an environment, I played video games for hours and hours. I once stayed up 40+ hours playing GTA. When I moved out and controlled my own life, the appeal disappeared overnight. With that said, there's definitely something to the claims that social media is addictive. Reddit had me hooked for years. They are like skinner boxes. But it's only part of the story, and different technologies will probably cause different outcomes and levels of addiction. I don't mind my kid playing a Switch, but I don't plan on letting her have a social media account.

laurent92 5y ago
> there's definitely something to the claims that social media is addictive. Reddit had me hooked for years Addiction is exactly that. I’ve had a conf on addictions and the speaker said most people grow out of addictions, even heroin, and the people who die from them are a surprisingly small proportion. She mentioned people going out of hard drugs, and generally from one day to another after they realize the cost it had. Just like you did ;) Congrats, I guess.
andrepd 5y ago
Yes, in short: they are treated like children but demanded to behave like an adult. For me the answer is giving them as much self-responsibility and independence as they can manage. Treat them like a child and they will behave like a child. > I don't mind my kid playing a Switch, but I don't plan on letting her have a social media account. The problem is eventually she'll be left out if she's the only one of her peers without social media.
- TheAdamAndChe 5y ago
  > The problem is eventually she'll be left out if she's the only one of her peers without social media. My thinking here is this: its not necessarily the social communication aspect of social media that's the issue, it's the engagement-driven algorithmic feed that presents the addiction potential. Their feed becomes tuned to whatever gets them hooked, even if it's vapid or harmful. Because of this, I'll still let her text friends and probably use Snapchat or other IM apps. But anything that uses feeds is a hard "no." It still leaves the potential for bullying, but that potential will always exist.
  - andrepd 5y ago
    I understand that, and believe me I am sympathetic (nothing wrong with texting, but instagram/tiktok/facebook algorithms are probably very harmful for a developing mind). But then the question becomes: how do you intend to stop it? Short of forbidding her from using a phone or computer, how can you stop her/him from using an app behind your back?
    - TheAdamAndChe 5y ago
      Same as anything: tell her not to, teach her why it's important, and tell her that there will be repercussions and a loss of trust if she is caught breaking the rules, then kind of keep an eye on her. A certain level of deviance is normal and expected in children, and she will eventually be caught and punished. My goal as a parent isn't to enforce a way of life with an iron fist, but to guide her and shape the way she lives her life while letting her learn about living it herself. I could install apps that monitor her usage, but I want to give her a sense of autonomy and freedom within a stable environment with clear expectations.
  - ryandrake 5y ago
    From another parent, yours seems like a totally reasonable compromise. If someone is going to shun a kid for not being on an app, they're probably not the kid's friend in the first place.

laurent92 5y ago

> there's definitely something to the claims that social media is addictive. Reddit had me hooked for years Addiction is exactly that. I’ve had a conf on addictions and the speaker said most people grow out of addictions, even heroin, and the people who die from them are a surprisingly small proportion. She mentioned people going out of hard drugs, and generally from one day to another after they realize the cost it had. Just like you did ;) Congrats, I guess.

andrepd 5y ago

Yes, in short: they are treated like children but demanded to behave like an adult. For me the answer is giving them as much self-responsibility and independence as they can manage. Treat them like a child and they will behave like a child. > I don't mind my kid playing a Switch, but I don't plan on letting her have a social media account. The problem is eventually she'll be left out if she's the only one of her peers without social media.

TheAdamAndChe 5y ago
> The problem is eventually she'll be left out if she's the only one of her peers without social media. My thinking here is this: its not necessarily the social communication aspect of social media that's the issue, it's the engagement-driven algorithmic feed that presents the addiction potential. Their feed becomes tuned to whatever gets them hooked, even if it's vapid or harmful. Because of this, I'll still let her text friends and probably use Snapchat or other IM apps. But anything that uses feeds is a hard "no." It still leaves the potential for bullying, but that potential will always exist.
- andrepd 5y ago
  I understand that, and believe me I am sympathetic (nothing wrong with texting, but instagram/tiktok/facebook algorithms are probably very harmful for a developing mind). But then the question becomes: how do you intend to stop it? Short of forbidding her from using a phone or computer, how can you stop her/him from using an app behind your back?
  - TheAdamAndChe 5y ago
    Same as anything: tell her not to, teach her why it's important, and tell her that there will be repercussions and a loss of trust if she is caught breaking the rules, then kind of keep an eye on her. A certain level of deviance is normal and expected in children, and she will eventually be caught and punished. My goal as a parent isn't to enforce a way of life with an iron fist, but to guide her and shape the way she lives her life while letting her learn about living it herself. I could install apps that monitor her usage, but I want to give her a sense of autonomy and freedom within a stable environment with clear expectations.
- ryandrake 5y ago
  From another parent, yours seems like a totally reasonable compromise. If someone is going to shun a kid for not being on an app, they're probably not the kid's friend in the first place.