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I don't know if it's fair to classify this as just a mom problem. I'm having the same problems as a Dad.

feoren 5y ago
Yeah, as a busy new dad dipping my toes in the startup world, I was cringing the entire time wondering why they seem to assume this only applies to women.
- gazzini 5y ago
  I quit my startup & picked up a boring, stable job to be a better dad a couple years ago, so I feel this too. If the article said it’s only hard for moms, then I’d disagree with it... but it doesn’t. It’s just critiquing the assumption that every mom wants the same thing. These assumptions form social pressures & impact career decisions, and she’s pointing out that you don’t have to struggle with that decision in the way society expects. Sure, it would have been nice if they acknowledged dads... but given the name of the website, I don’t think we’re the stars of this show, and that’s fine.
  - scooble 5y ago
    > If the article said it’s only hard for moms, then I’d disagree with it... but it doesn’t. I took the authors claim that dads were less interested in spending time with their children to suggest that this wasn’t such an issue for dads.
    - denimnerd42 5y ago
      Right, that's what rubbed me the wrong way.
  - deleted 5y ago
    [deleted]
lhorie 5y ago
Perhaps the issue is classifying it as a "problem" in the first place. As in, why is it considered problematic to want to spend more time w/ kids knowing it affects work-related opportunities? We generally accept that we can't master dozens of hobbies at once due to the inability to put the necessary time and effort into all of them, so why then is it considered a failure to pick one of the choices if the two conflicting activities are family time and main job? I think the author comes to the right conclusion: they come to terms to the fact that spending time w/ kids is a good reward for them, for making the trade-off of not becoming a CEO. I suppose one could argue that guilt for choosing kids over work is more of an issue for men because of societal expectations wrt income earning responsibilities. But then again, at the end of the day, regardless of whether you're a man or a woman, do you really want society to dictate what happiness/success should look like for you personally? If anything, someone who is in a position to be able to turn down a CEO position ought to be considered a highly successful individual by any societal standards </two-cents>
skrebbel 5y ago
To be fair, it's a blog targeted at female founders. I think it's treated as a mom problem because of the audience, not the problem. (I say this as a startup founder and dad, i.e. a man in exactly the situation the article describes. I first felt dismissed until I realized what website I was on)
enraged_camel 5y ago
Hell, I'm having the same problem as the foster parent of a cattle dog! Near constant demand for attention, wanting lots of play time and exercise and mental stimulation and affection... I don't have kids but I imagine it is similar!
- Pfhreak 5y ago
  Take all of what you described and add, "Are the decisions and interactions I had with my child today going to eternally fuck up their future ability to be an adult?" and you begin to see the scope of being a parent.
u678u 5y ago
Right, the most "successful" friends I have are all childless or divorced without children living with them.

Yeah, as a busy new dad dipping my toes in the startup world, I was cringing the entire time wondering why they seem to assume this only applies to women.

gazzini 5y ago
I quit my startup & picked up a boring, stable job to be a better dad a couple years ago, so I feel this too. If the article said it’s only hard for moms, then I’d disagree with it... but it doesn’t. It’s just critiquing the assumption that every mom wants the same thing. These assumptions form social pressures & impact career decisions, and she’s pointing out that you don’t have to struggle with that decision in the way society expects. Sure, it would have been nice if they acknowledged dads... but given the name of the website, I don’t think we’re the stars of this show, and that’s fine.
- scooble 5y ago
  > If the article said it’s only hard for moms, then I’d disagree with it... but it doesn’t. I took the authors claim that dads were less interested in spending time with their children to suggest that this wasn’t such an issue for dads.
  - denimnerd42 5y ago
    Right, that's what rubbed me the wrong way.
- deleted 5y ago
  [deleted]

lhorie 5y ago

Perhaps the issue is classifying it as a "problem" in the first place. As in, why is it considered problematic to want to spend more time w/ kids knowing it affects work-related opportunities? We generally accept that we can't master dozens of hobbies at once due to the inability to put the necessary time and effort into all of them, so why then is it considered a failure to pick one of the choices if the two conflicting activities are family time and main job? I think the author comes to the right conclusion: they come to terms to the fact that spending time w/ kids is a good reward for them, for making the trade-off of not becoming a CEO. I suppose one could argue that guilt for choosing kids over work is more of an issue for men because of societal expectations wrt income earning responsibilities. But then again, at the end of the day, regardless of whether you're a man or a woman, do you really want society to dictate what happiness/success should look like for you personally? If anything, someone who is in a position to be able to turn down a CEO position ought to be considered a highly successful individual by any societal standards </two-cents>

skrebbel 5y ago

To be fair, it's a blog targeted at female founders. I think it's treated as a mom problem because of the audience, not the problem. (I say this as a startup founder and dad, i.e. a man in exactly the situation the article describes. I first felt dismissed until I realized what website I was on)

enraged_camel 5y ago

Hell, I'm having the same problem as the foster parent of a cattle dog! Near constant demand for attention, wanting lots of play time and exercise and mental stimulation and affection... I don't have kids but I imagine it is similar!

Pfhreak 5y ago
Take all of what you described and add, "Are the decisions and interactions I had with my child today going to eternally fuck up their future ability to be an adult?" and you begin to see the scope of being a parent.

u678u 5y ago

Right, the most "successful" friends I have are all childless or divorced without children living with them.